OH it's wednesday

After sometime, I reached. I got out of my car, ready to walk towards the hell, a living hell, not that I am scared now, I need to do this. I pressed the bell, the door was opened by my mum, I smiled at her.

"Good morning" I greeted her and went inside.

"good morning honey" she smiled as if nothing happened yesterday, was yesterday that worthless?

"you are early, it's just 7:30 am" she said, I shook my head, "no, it's just the perfect time and I am going to my room, I need to unpack my stuffs" she nodded and I went to my room.

My room, which was my comfort before moving out. Everything was the same, I rarely come and stayed here after I got graduated from high school, because I was away for my higher studies, there I met seungcheol in my university, we had same majors. We did our post-graduation together in States and after completing my post-graduation, I got job so I moved out, because office would be closer from my new home. My study table had my post-graduation picture which was clicked by seungcheol, even though mum and dad were in States back at that time, they didn't EVEN come to my graduation. I had him by my side and that was enough. I picked the photo frame, it's very precious to me, no one knows how much I cherish this picture. I kept it back and started unpacking my stuffs, I kept my clothes inside the closet and placed everything on it's place. After getting everything done I went downstairs, and saw dad reading newspaper.

"good morning dad" he looked at me, smiled sweetly

"good morning erica, how are you today?" he asked, yes he did, that means he remembers everything, everything.

"Me?" I asked him back and he nodded

"I am good" and smiled at him.

"Breakfast is ready, come on" we heard mum say. Both of us went to dinning table and took our seat, mum was facing me. She served and we started eating, mum broke the silence.

"your pendant looks beautiful" he looked at her, and nodded.

"it is" I replied and smiled unknowingly

"and did you guys break up?" I almost chocked on my food. I looked at her, unable to answer or process what she said

"looks like you did, well done. One more thing don't go through that breakup things, I hate it." She said sharply.

"Honey let her eat first and you don't have to say like this, erica is old enough and she won't do these childish stuffs" my dad spoke before I could say anything. I had my tongue tied, I didn't want to start any arguments early in the morning, I started eating my food silently. Mum didn't say anything after that, after I finished and went to do the dishes.

[WEDNESDAY]

My alarm started ringing, I checked my phone, it was 8 am in the morning. I got up and checked my phone, there was a notification, "wedding dress" I snapped out of my mind, today is the day I will go and choose my wedding dress. Last two days were normal, quite normal for me. Missing seungcheol, missing his voice, staring at his pictures, crying out lot of times, late night thoughts would hit, calling up Yoona because I would feel like I would die anytime. Books and music helped me to cope up, thanks to them, I wouldn't fight with mum or even argue but bluntly agree with her as if she is the one who is decided and I am bound to agree. I got up and went to take a shower, after taking a shower, I wore my hoodie and sweatpants and went downstairs for breakfast. I saw mum serving food on the table and dad going towards the dining table.

We all took our seats; it was unusually silent today because everyday dad would shit chat with me about random things.

"Erica today we need to go by 10 am, you remember it's Wednesday right?" I nodded, "yes I remember. I will get ready" I smiled at her. If only she could see the pain which was masked by my smile.

"My daughter is getting married, aww" dad smiled and I smiled back.

"We will have lunch with her. Is that okay with you?" she asked, yes she asked for my opinion after all this, how much I wanted to say, I want to go back to my room and never come out until it's seungcheol but I left him so I need to mend myself.

"I am totally fine, I am fine with everything" I smiled at her

After having breakfast, I did the dishes and went back to my room. I was going through my closet and I had an urge today to wear that red dress, yes that red dress. I took it out and black coat. There's a part of me who doesn't want to let him go and hold him close. That's when I realized, I am never ready to let him go, never. I myself know, it's hard and near to impossible for me, to forget him after what I did to him. I am going to live in guilt and pain and if it's for him then I am fine with it.

I dressed myself up, applied light makeup, just for touch ups, let my hair down freely, didn't forget to wear the pendant and a cherry hairclip at the side, looked at myself for the last time and took my sling bag, car keys and phone and headed downstairs. I saw mum and dad talking, mum looked all ready, I smiled at her. I walked towards her, she looked… happy? I guess she is happy, doing this with me.

"my daughter looks pretty" dad said and I smiled,

"let's go, or else we will be late." I forced a smiled again and nodded.

"I will be outside, come when you are done talking" I told her and went out, I heaved a sigh. I got inside my car and kept my bag at the back, I looked at my phone, I still have our wallpaper, he smiled so big, his dimples were visible. He looked so adorable; his smile is the one I always wanted to protect but I failed to protect. I was getting teary, which I didn't want to, I don't want to cry for him again, no, I shouldn't. I don't have right to be like this because I am the one who hurt him and I am supposed to live with pain. Before my thoughts could go further, I saw mum unlocking the door of my car. I locked my phone and kept it on the side, once she settled down, I started driving.

"what's the address?" I asked her and she type it out, I was driving smoothly without overthinking about anything that's when mum started playing music inside the car which was unfortunately connected to my playlist and the song switched to '2 things by Jimmy Brown' my face was replaced by distressed one, because this song was the one which was our song, a song which was our comfort together and it was for us, meant for us, just for us. Before I could get insane because I miss him more now, I just stopped the music hurriedly. Even before she could ask I shut her down "I can't focus on driving" she just nodded, unable to see what I am going through, soon after that we reached, I parked my car and went inside together with mum.