Death To Life, And Identity

Pain.

Stinging.

Cold ... warm.

What is pain, stinging, cold, or warm?

What ... is what?

I ... it. The self felt the whole of the body constrained, wrapped up in warmth. The top half felt loose and wobbly. Something on its top loosened further and let out a wail.

The self felt weird. Was that from us?

The self tried to move some other things that feels like it should move, and bright lights entered its sight.

The self saw a shadow blocking most of its new found brightness, and moved ... blinked it's new eyes to see more.

It only caught shades of gold.

The shadowed figure moved one of it's limbs ... do they call it hands? And started caressing our top half ... face.

Our ... ears. Picked up some light and loud sounds, murmurs, and words.

Only five ... how did it know its five? Words resounded most loudly into the self.

Senju Kanako.

•

Time passed, and the images and dreams it had started to somehow make sense to it. Not all yet, though.

She, her. She realized that she is what is defined as female. Both in the weird dream and most probably now as well.

Words, that are both in those dreams and what is around her now, started to make sense as well. What those words are, and what is spoken.

She still doesn't know most things though. Since she is still a baby. Or at least that what the dream would label her as. And the big person as well.

She has yet to fully develop a clear eyesight, only allowing vague shapes and colors to enter her vision. The one most present and familiar to her is the gold one, that smells faintly of grass and cleanliness. The one that encases her in warmth. The one that fed her ... milk, was it?

Before she realized, her thoughts came to a stop, and she went back to dreaming again.

•

More time had passed, and she started to familiarize herself with more words that was heard, in congruence with the memories.

Congruence. Mnn. *mentally nods head*

I'm smart.

It has been a while since she finally got to see clearly, and noted that the one that visited her the most is her mother.

Pretty, no - beautiful. That is what she relates her with.

Ever since she has gotten the vison to explore with, her eyes are always looking all around and taking in new sights.

Gold. Yellow. Red. Brown. Black. Silver. White.

That was her constant everyday.

Apart from her golden haired mother, was a tall yellow haired male and red haired female. Father? No, the yellow and red seems to be together. And three little yet tall ones as well, since I'm the littlest. A cute brown haired female, a wide eyed black haired male, and a bored ... yet maybe intrigued, silver male? All of them seems to be following along a white haired male who's hair is weirdly long and fluffy. Is he my father then? I suppose not, since he keeps leaving and coming back. Or is he? Hm. There is also a little short black haired girl who I noticed has stayed by mother's side.

They all took turns to hold me. I like all of their hugs. But apart from mother's, I most especially prefer the yellow haired male's light and swingy hug, the red haired female's warm hug comparable to mother's, the white haired male's hug that seems to feel like what father's hug should be - is he? And the silver haired male, whose hug somehow feels as secure, warm, comforting, and safe as all the hugs combined. So safe that I felt ... feel ... like ... sle ...

*snores*

•

Apparently mother - mama, as I prefer to call her, was laughing with the other tall one's about how I would always fall asleep once in the arms of the silver one, and that she wouldn't need to buy a bed for me if she can kidnap(?) and make him stay. I spy the tall one's laughing with the small one's, while the silver one is staring at something on the wall.

I looked at the wall. Hn? Nothing.

I looked back to see the silver one catching me staring at what he stared at.

Question of the day for me - can babies blush?

But it seems like the silver one can through his ears.

•

Based on what was said around me, it appears that it is now six months since I was born.

Apparently, the words that I remember significantly at my birth was my name, Senju Kanako. Also apparently, Kanako means 'a child of great blessings'.

... I most certainly am loved huh ...

I also found out that mama's name is Tsunade.

And the silver one's name is Kakachi. No - Ka. Ka. SHI. Kakashi. Yep.

Why did I remember the silver one's name before the other's you ask? I dunno.

The little black hair girl who is mama's shadow is Shizune. The yellow and red haired couple are Minato and Kushina. And the small brown and black haired humans are called Rin and Obito. The white haired man is Jiraiya - you sure he's not my father?

•

A few months before a year milestone, I finally said my first legible word.

Sorry - it isn't mama.

It happened when Kakashi was carrying me in the front yard garden when I mumbled out a 'Kachi'.

For some reason I was then plucked out of his arms by a fleeing Obito and spirited away, but not before hearing a huge rumble, along with a huge dust cloud floating up to the sky.

The next day when mama was carrying me, I looked left and right for Kakashi's figure, only to see a weird aura emanating from mama, alongside a weird smile.

Nuh-uh. Did not see anything.

A week later, Kakashi came to see me but with his left arm in a sling.

Must have been busy with something important huh?

•

As a whittle baby, its not like I could actively keep track of dates. So while I expected it to be soon, it was still a surprise that it is currently my birthday.

Lots of people came to celebrate, and I haven't even met most of them yet! The living room was too small that we had to organize the party outside.

As the birthday girl, I was sat on mama's lap on a sort of pedestal (?) where people brought gifts to our feet.

Yeah no - I mean it literally. As in LAID the gifts in front of us on the floor AKA. feet.

Mama is wearing a green dress with purple linings, which I heard her call it a kimono, and I'm sporting a similar one in green but with blue linings. Shizune who is standing by our sides is wearing a more festive style of her usual purple attire.

All the people coming towards us with gifts looks important. When they greeted us, they called mama Tsunade-hime. Hime? Princess? Huh.

One was an old man in a weird dress garb with a pointy hat, flanked by people who I would say are too uptight in a party. He smiled and patted my head, and mama called him sensei.

Jiraiya came next with an oddly shaped present and he started pinching my cheeks. No! I say - NO!

Another man after Jiraiya greeted mama, who somehow reminds me of a snake. His name was the longest I have heard so far - Orochimaru. From their conversation, I picked up that he was with the team who help birth me, as he said that I no longer look like the red monkey that I was born as. Hey, rude!

Minato and Kushina were next, and after smiling about and giving well wishes, they started poking each side of my cheeks. I puffed them up in indignation, which unfortunately only fueled their poking speed, so much so that mama had to swirl me away for them to stop. I hoped I just imagined the pouts on their faces.

After them were a family of black hair and eyes people, who reminds me of Obito, but more somber. I learnt that their family name are Uchiha, as mama and the two tall one's exchanged greetings stiffly. Behind the leg of the tall man were a pair of cute arms clutching about, and a cute soft haired head popped out. His eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a while. The two adults who probably his parents introduced him as Itachi, who is a year older than me. His mother rubbed his head and told him to give the gift that he picked out for me. The cute Itachi slowly shuffled towards us and stretched out an arm, showing of a pair of whitish-pink and red hibiscus. Huh, smooth.

The next people is a tall silver haired man who looks very similar to someone I know, only for me to look downwards to see his mini-me named Kakashi. The man has a very kind smile, while Kakashi is somewhat staring (or glaring?) at the leaving Itachi and Uchiha family. I learnt that Kakashi's father name is Sakumo, and their family name being Hatake. Similar to Itachi, Kakashi also had a personal gift for me, as he came forward and stuffed something soft and fluffy into my arms. I looked down to see a floofy silver puppy plushie with a headband that has a sign on it, similar to that of most people around us who have the same headbands. Huh, wonder what's that all about. But anyways, you smooth too Kachi boy, smooth.

After them were an influx of people who my baby brain can't seem to remember, save for Rin and her family, and Obito with his grandma.

Apparently I'm also a hime just like mama?

•

In all likelihood, I probably do not have a father.

Or at least, I think I had one.

Sometime after my birthday, mama and the people around her stopped carrying me in a cradle position, and started carrying me in a sitting position where my body is upright and I can easily look about.

Although I have spent the last year in this same house, the visual I can take in is different. Most of the time I spent is in my crib, or on the floor crawling. Or in someone's arms and facing the ceiling. With my new vantage point, I scoured around, spying frames of pictures on the walls and tables. Most of them are familiar, being mama, a young mama with the old man and Orochimaru I remember at the party with Jiraiya. Some a much younger mama with a laughing long black haired man and a red haired woman who reminds me of Kushina, but more calm. A few with a grey or white haired man who looks like the serious version of Jiraiya.

Then I spot a few which were collected in one area. I managed to get a closer look, to see a mama who has the same gaze in which Kushina use to look at Minato, but directed to a tall pale-blue long haired male with dark green eyes.

Hn.

•

I do not why. But how is this, at this point of time, the first time I managed to get a look into a mirror?

I have no idea.

Staring into the mirror in which mama has carried me to, I saw myself for the first time.

While mama's hair is a brilliant golden blonde, mine is more towards pale-blonde, almost ashy platinum.

And while mama has bright chestnut brown eyes, mine is a dark green, darker than the green shirt mama is wearing that is called a haori.

Hn.

Looks like my father's coloring are in me huh.

•

Despite the stiffness I witnessed during my birthday, somehow the woman I know as the Uchiha mama was dropping off Itachi, and I caught the word 'playmate'.

Well - I mean he IS the closest in age to me ... unlike the one whose lap I'm currently sitting on.

Looking upwards, a head with a silver mane looked downwards.

Maybe it was because I spent a long time with Kakashi, that I can identify the look in his eyes as annoyance.

A little fluffy Itachi toddled over towards us, carrying an armful of floofy kitty plushies, along with one or two toy kunai's which I had recently got to know of.

I stretched out my arms to pet one, only to stop halfway as I am unable to move further. Kakashi's arms were snaking around me, preventing interaction with the floofs.

Nyan.