Don't Fall For Her

~8/17/14~ The Start of Something New

After work, I stopped at a local cafe to have a quick treat to myself, as I felt I deserved something nice after having a long and stressful day. I ordered my usual, which was a Latte Macchiato, along with a small slice of strawberry cheesecake.

When I was alone I usually thrived to admire the small things in the city, like the streetlights at dusk, the stray cats who stand at the doors of flea markets waiting to be fed, and the pigeons pecking at crumbs on the pavement. They reminded me of how beautiful life can be.

Everybody needs a moment to themselves to be reminded that life has meaning, with or without happiness. If there's a will, there's a way, and there is no way without a will. We don't always need that one particular person to help us get through everything in life, sometimes we have to depend on ourselves to get through it, even if we feel uncertain about it...

The truth is, you are your own person. Nobody knows you like you know yourself, and you may have a sense of depersonalization and forget who you are, but that's the sad reality. We don't understand the true potential we have and doubt every ability or talent that we were gifted with. But on the bright side, you might overcome what you once feared.

Nobody in their right mind is perfect, we all have flaws that we have to learn to accept. They are what makes us who we are, believe it or not. We are all different, we have different opinions and thoughts, and nobody is allowed to decide who we are as a person.

But when it all comes down to love, our attention is drawn more to that person than ourselves, because they are the sun in our lives. I never knew what love felt like until I met Nora.

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~8/21/2014~ Caught In the Moment

I was dismissed to take my thirty-minute break by my boss, Reggie. He hired me at this Italian restaurant three years ago when I was searching for a new job, and right around then, I was fired from my previous job because they thought I couldn't handle working as a janitor in a hotel. Which quite frankly, I could. They did not seem to notice my potential.

I stepped outside in front of the building to eat my lunch, which was a burrito filled with rice, meat, shredded cheese, and lettuce. I always took my burritos plain instead of getting them filled with loads of stuff, my stomach could not contain that much food all at once. But anyway, I sat down on the bench enjoying my lunch and the city air. I noticed a woman walking into the restaurant, and she surprisingly caught my attention- I normally didn't get distracted by women, I always kept to myself and minded my business. I turned around and peered inside of the windows to get a good look at her.

I remember she was wearing bell-bottom jeans and a very light pink flannel. A country girl was an image I got from her, and she was absolutely stunning. I never once have focused so much on a woman, but all of my attention was drawn towards her, and I couldn't take my eyes away from her.

I watched her leave the restaurant, and I was dazed. I already fell in love and I didn't even know her name or who she was. At that moment, all I was thinking was, "I want to know her." Knowing how naive of a man I was, I snapped myself back into reality. I thought back to what my mother told me when I was going into the seventh grade, and I completely shut out all of my thoughts about that woman.

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~8/26/14~ A Refusal of Attention

I was there again at the cafe having my everyday meal before heading home to see my dog Tucker when I saw the same woman entering the restaurant across the street from me. That was the second time I had seen her, and I was unsure that if going to the restaurant was a normal routine for her, but I tried not to pay any attention. Minutes later she came walking back out with an envelope in one of her hands. Now that began to concern me once I started seeing her around almost every day during my shifts, carrying one every time she left.

After I ate, I went back to the restaurant to talk with Reggie about the whole situation and ask if he knew anything about her. I remember him telling me that her name is Nora and that she is his daughter. It was a weird coincidence, but I didn't really care. After hearing what I wanted to know, I was no longer curious about her. I never looked at her again, nor asked about her. I, as a man, did not want to become vulnerable all because of a woman's appearance and my strange attraction toward her.

In high school, I didn't talk to any girls. I always stuck with my pals, and that was it. No matter how many times they tried to set me up on a date, I refused. My scholarship felt more important than a relationship with a woman, and my mother was smart to tell me to stay away from girls. You'd think it would always be the opposite, that girls should stay away from guys because of the many things that could happen, but guys can be endangered by girls too.

Anywhoo, my shift was almost over, and it just started to pour rain. I had forgotten my umbrella at home, and I didn't even know it was going to rain that day. I guess it was my fault since I did not check the weather before I left for work. After I clocked out, I sprinted to my car, but I did not realize that it wasn't actually my car until I opened the door. That same woman was sitting in the driver's seat, staring at me with confusion in her eyes, but they were glistening and I couldn't help but get lost in them.

I was embarrassed, I couldn't believe I mistook a woman's car for mine. To be fair, both of our cars were of the same brand. Of course, I'd always check the front of the car to make sure that it is mine, but unfortunately, hers had to be the same. I couldn't see the license plate due to the fog and the rain. I apologized to her and explained myself, a very subtle laugh was her response. She then reached into the back of her car and pulled out a black umbrella and handed it to me.

I tried to refuse and give it back to her, but she insisted that I should use it because I did not have one.

"Keep it", she then said with a smile on her face. I was flustered, and I dreaded that very moment. I did not answer her, instead I nodded and then rushed to find my car which was nowhere near close to hers.

When I arrived home, Tucker was laying in front of the door waiting for me to greet him. As soon as he saw me walking up the stairs pulling my keys out of my pocket, his tail began wagging a dozen miles per hour. I was happy to see him just as much as he was to see me.

Tucker was a great dog. He was like my best friend; he knew me better than anyone else and was there for me when I needed him. Unfortunately, though, I had to put him down that night. He looked happy to see me as usual, but something about him didn't sit right with me. I filled his food and water bowl, but he didn't take a single bite. I even waited a while and checked his food bowl, but there were no bits of food missing. I took him to the vet and as I suspected, he was ill. They advised me to put him down before he got any worse, and I followed along. I missed him dearly, and I was grieving for hours upon hours before I finally pulled myself together and got over it. I still missed him, but crying over him wouldn't have been worth it.

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~9/2/14~ Hard to Ignore

It was Tuesday, and I finally had a day off. The boss man gave me a break since he said I had been working hard and I deserved a day to myself, and I had the most wonderful idea. I decided to take a stroll around the dog park, just to enjoy the beauty of their existence.

I was sitting on the bench watching a Husky play frisbee with their owner. I've always wanted that kind of breed, but they're so expensive and I never had the money to buy one. Another dog joined in and it was a black German Shepherd. The most beautiful dog I had ever seen. The dogs started getting into a fight with each other, and their owners ran to split them apart.

The woman I had kept seeing was shouting at her dog. Zoe was her name, and it fit perfectly. She and the other dog's owner apologized to each other for their rough-housing behaviors and took a seat next to each other at a different bench. I tried not to be noticeable so that she wouldn't see me, as I was still embarrassed about the previous week when I had thought her car was mine. I slowly stood up from the bench and began strutting away to my car, but she had caught me before I could even get there.

She shouted at me and stood up, waving at me. I tried my best to ignore her but that did not help at all. She grabbed ahold of her dog's leash and jogged up to me before I could get into my car. I was already flustered and I wanted to leave immediately but I couldn't just ignore her like that. I sighed and ran my hand behind my neck before she approached me.

I stood with an arm resting on my door and tried to play cool so that I wouldn't embarrass myself again, because, at that time, we were actually meeting. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I had never really spoken to a woman before, only to my teachers in grade school, and obviously, that was easier. I tried to think of what to say without being awkward or obnoxious, but my mind was going everywhere.

She started the conversation by telling me what a coincidence it was that we had both been there at the same time. She then asked me which dog was mine, I simply told her that I did not own a dog and that I had to put mine down a week before. She felt bad for me but I had pleaded that it was fine. Minutes after talking, I told her that I had somewhere to be, but I never said that we could catch up another day. Although I was interested in getting to know her better, it wasn't worth my time. I was a busy man, and I had better things to do.