Loose Ends

9/3/14- Strange Attraction

I had arrived at work just a few minutes early, and Reggie was standing at the doors waiting for me. I was distracted by the mere thought of seeing his daughter again and was dragging my feet across the cracked pavement of the parking lot, thinking about what I should and shouldn't have done.

Had I been such a fool to let myself get caught in that trap? I knew that if I spoke a single word to that woman, it would take almost complete control over me. Was it love? Did I fall in love? I didn't even know what love was or what it meant. Every time I had seen that woman, my heart would pump out of my chest. The weight was so heavy I could barely catch my breath, I felt like I was out of control. I even presumed that I was going crazy. I had never felt something like that before, and that feeling was so unbearably overwhelming, I had no control over my thoughts.

I kept questioning myself, should I quit my job? I wanted to so badly just so I could escape from seeing Reggie's daughter. Though I knew her name, I never spoke of it. Her name kept echoing through my ears that created a ringing sensation, it was incredibly hard to ignore. Would it have been appropriate to quit my job? I mean, of course, I never actually did, but it was a reoccurring question.

Forcing myself to stay afloat despite the annoyance of my thoughts was a challenging situation for me. During my break, I called my mother. No, I did not tell her about Reggie's daughter. She would have thrown a fit with me and bickered about the many reasons why I should not talk to any woman I collide with. The chances of falling in love with someone aren't likely, but there are so many possibilities of it happening so you have to be careful not to, otherwise, you'll be catching yourself in an endless loop of feelings that are hard to let go of.

After work, I didn't stop at the cafe like I normally would, instead, I headed straight for home. I felt exhausted that night, and I didn't have enough energy left to grab a bite. I felt miserable, like a sack of sand. What had I done to myself? I should have held myself back from talking to that woman, I should have ignored her. If I had not talked to her, I would have been completely fine. Did I regret meeting her? Not quite.

There was something about her that mesmerized me. I couldn't get her out of my head, and it was driving me absolutely crazy. I dreaded going to work every morning. Even the sight of her would catch me off guard and it is insane how a woman could do that to a man. I mean, come on, I said once that I had never spoken to a woman before outside of work. It should be understood that I had no idea how to act after forming an attraction towards a woman I had only just met.

- - ——————

~9/9/14~ What a Mess

I was working my shift while Reggie was out running errands, which he had never done before. He insisted that I took care of the restaurant while he was gone. I had felt pretty confident about being his best employee since I had been working at his restaurant for years. I was his best mate, we had beers together a couple of nights before and we had actually become pretty close pals. He told me once that if he ever had to fire me it would only be for business reasons because I never gave him a hard time and even if I did, he could handle it well.

While serving a table, I realized that it was almost time for me to clock out and go home. Reggie was still running errands and I was there by myself handling all the customers waiting for their servings. I began to worry, and I started rushing myself almost to the point I messed up an order. Besides me, there was only one other employee, but his shift was to cook. I was stuck serving people on my own without help. Since Reggie's business was so small, it wasn't that hard of a task, but with only one other employee and no manager to keep the business under control, it was much trickier.

About fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot and I noticed that she was with him. Oh how splendid that was, it had made my evening ten times worse than it already had been. I attempted to avoid her as she came walking through the doors, but unfortunately, we had made eye contact that very moment. I had caught her smirking at me just the slightest bit, and I felt my cheeks burning up like marshmallows. It was embarrassing how she had caught me off guard, and I was trying so hard to ignore her.

How could a woman's appearance do such a thing to a man? It's out of the ordinary, right? You wouldn't expect a man to become flustered by the near sight of a woman. Men are supposed to be insensitive and invulnerable people, just how my mother taught me to be. But I had never truly been like that. I couldn't pretend to be someone I wasn't, and though I tried to act manly around her, I just couldn't control myself.

At that point, I couldn't see why I had to ignore her. We barely talked to each other, so why should I have been worried? It wasn't like we were going to end up on a date together... or so that's what I thought.

~9/14/14~ The Nights to Remember

The night before Sunday was quite spectacular. I had visited my parents in Washington and we had a fancy dinner at our favorite restaurant, the one we always used to go to when I was a child. It was different being there as an adult, everything had seemed different. It hadn't changed, the interior was the same and the decorations were still up, it hadn't been remodeled for years. Something about it was fascinating. Maybe it was the glimmering chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, or the beautiful string lights. Oh, how wonderful that restaurant was.

My parents had invited me to go because they informed me that it was the last year they had been in business, they were going to tear it down. Unfortunately, they did, and my heart was broken. That restaurant was my childhood. There used to be a small playground behind the building where I would play with my friends, and it was the most amazing thing you could think of.

When I arrived home, I noticed that my kitchen light was on. I took precautions as I opened the door because I did not remember leaving any lights on before I left. I was worried someone had found my spare key under the rock beside the flower bed, but maybe I had just forgotten to turn off the lights. As I entered the kitchen, I was spooked. Cabinets were open and the table chairs were stacked on top of each other. Was it some sort of act done by someone who had broken into my house? Then again, the door was still locked, so it couldn't have been. I was dumbfounded. If nobody had broken in, then why was everything such a mess?

Of course, I checked all of the rooms to make sure nothing had been stolen, and everything was still in their places. I kept pondering whether my house was haunted or someone had just welcomed themselves there to mess with me and frighten me. I was not frightened, I was baffled and confused. They could have found the key, made my house look like a jungle gym, and then relock the front door before leaving to make it look like they hadn't done it.

The last room I had not checked was the basement. Oh, how I hated basements and the mere thought of them. Something about them had always sent a chill up my spine. Anyways, I trotted my way down the stairs, my younger sister was sleeping in my chair. She had spooked me so badly, I thought she was a crazy neighbor of mine and I almost shouted at her. I was questioning myself how and why she was there because she had lived with my parents for so long, there was no way she could have found my address unless I gave it to her over text. She explained herself and said that she flew all the way down here and spent hours upon hours trying to get my address so she could see me and hang around for a few days before going back to Washington, I wasn't concerned about how she got in. All of her bags were spread across the floor and she looked so exhausted.

We spent that night talking about how things have been for the both of us, and it was quite comforting to have my sister around again. Even though it was only for a couple of days, I missed her and it was nice getting to talk to her about my job and everything else that had been going on. As always, she asked me if I had met any women yet, and I told her no. She was the complete opposite of my mother, she kept nagging me about going on dates and trying to meet women my age because if I didn't, then I would be a coward. How could I have been a coward for not wanting to fall in love? It was a simple concept that one should have been able to understand.

~9/19/14~ Uh oh...

I was out grocery shopping Friday evening and caught a glimpse of Nora in one of the isles. I quickly strolled my way out of there before she could see me and thankfully, I was successful. It was quite strange how I kept spotting her in the most convenient places in public. At first, she was at the restaurant. One night, I mistook her car for mine. Another day, she happened to be at the dog park the same day I was. Now there we were, at the store.

It may be a small world, but I didn't understand how no matter where I went, she was always there. I could never escape from seeing her. At that point in time, I felt like giving up completely. It was super cliche how we kept running into each other in public, but I had no choice other than to face her.

I finished with my grocery shopping and headed up to the cashiers to check out, and I knew it was coming. Right behind me was Nora carrying a basket of orange juice, a bag of apples, cheese, and a box of corn dogs. I had a strange feeling that she would somehow find me there and catch up to me.

When she caught up to me, she sat down her basket on a shelf, skitted up to my cart, and started helping me check out my items. It was insanely weird for me, and I tried my absolute best not to look at her. I kept my head down whilst scanning groceries and putting them in bags. She accidentally grabbed my hand when we both reached for the same item and I immediately backed up away from her. A single touch was all it took, and I began to zone out. I was blankly staring at the grocery bags, without a single thought in my head.

I felt like an idiot for letting her help me check out because I knew something would have happened. Even though I had every right to associate with that woman, I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to let my mother down, and she wouldn't have even known if I was talking to anyone like that. Though if she ever knew, she would have booked a flight just to smack me upside the head.

How could she have raised such a naive man? I fell in love at the age of 24 - tell me that does not sound pathetic, because I definitely thought it did. You can't really raise a child to not fall in love, that's how they become an insensitive person, and they will be unable to love people the right way when that time is near. You should nourish your children and teach them that having emotions is completely okay and that it is also okay to like someone and have feelings for them.

Nora was my answer to everything and I didn't even know that until we went on our first date.