Chapter 2

I was extremely excited when I heard that they let me go to my mother's house for a few days. I almost fainted when I found out.

It was like a temporary relief to my mind. The bird trapped in me is flapping its wings again and again, it seems to want to break the cage to fly away, to my mother.

I excitedly prepared some things, and put them in my backpack. And I tried not to listen to the meaningless words that my father, and stepmother were saying next to my ears.

Never mind those words, my mind reminds me.

Well, my mom stayed with my aunt, and she used to walk too. I got that. And the result of that love is two boys. But after they divorced, the oldest son went to live with his father and the younger son stayed with my mother.

I really like it. Both boys are quite cute. But only... They're not very docile.

My aunt also had an unstable love life. She married three husbands, each with a child, and the other two were divorced from my aunt. The third husband is still living with my aunt. The results of those love affairs were two sons and a daughter.

My grandmother was very upset when my mother and my aunt had so many children, even though their family was not very well off. My grandmother blamed them for giving birth, but they couldn't raise them. To be honest, the children the two of them gave birth to were not very good. Me too. I never said I was obedient.

And I was picked up by my mother, who also went with my two younger brothers. A child named Khi, is my mother's youngest child. The older one, An, is my aunt's eldest son.

I really feel like I'm flying to the clouds when I meet them. I love them very much, and my brother loves me too.

My mother, and An, asked me a lot of things all the way to her house. They asked about my life when I was at my father's house, and I, of course, hid everything.

I didn't have the courage at that time to say it. If I told them, my mother would blame my father and in the end, I was killed by them.

That's why I don't want to say anything.

When I got to my mother's house, they prepared a place for me to sleep on the third floor. I put my things on the third floor, and An invited me down to his room to play.

I can't wait to meet my aunt's youngest daughter. Her name is Bong. She is the prettiest and cutest little girl I have ever met.

She kept looking at me when I talked to her, probably because I just met Bong for the first time. She was still strange to me.

I held her, cupped her cheeks and kissed her many kisses. I love her. I never had a younger sister. I love Bong very much. She also quickly became familiar with me.

An invited me to play a set of mini billiards balls that he had just bought. The billiards set was really small, but me and An, plus my aunt's child, Dung played very happily.

That night I slept in happiness and peace of mind. It took me a while before bed to think of what I should eat tomorrow morning. How long has it been since I had breakfast? I don't remember.

/// 

After having breakfast, I wrote down my English learning plan. I was determined to learn English because of a promise a family member made to me. She will help me, but I have to learn the language well first.

I don't believe in that promise, I learn because of my recent habits or hobbies. I want to write a diary in English, or watch Hollywood movies without Vietsub. Or read English books without Vietnamese translation.

After planning, my aunt asked me to look after Bong, who had woken up from a long sleep.

And when she got to know me, she started bullying me. Actually, she was so young, it was normal to ask for her mother.

I gave her toys, took her for a walk, but she kept crying and crying and crying. She wants her mother, she wants her mother by her side. But my aunt is busy cooking for lunch, so I can't give Bong to my aunt.

I wanted her to stop crying, and that I let her watch TV. Not a very good solution.

My aunt didn't understand, she blamed me for not looking after the baby. And told my mother that I left Bong to cry.

I have no right to explain anything, I just listen and suffer.

My aunt asked An to watch Bong, but he was very lazy. I don't understand why my aunt lets him wake up staring at his phone. And of course, he was noisily engrossed on his phone. And I'm the one who has to watch over Bong.

Bong made me keep holding her, which annoyed me more and more. I want to stop this immediately. No, I let her watch TV.

I hate kids like that, but they're too young to understand.

And I failed, committing my first crime less than twenty-four hours at my mother's house.

I committed a second offense in the afternoon. I got angry with Dung.

While I was watching a movie on my computer, I was sitting in the kitchen. An came over and told me that he wanted to eat my yogurt cup in the fridge.

"Eat it freely but leave me a cup of yogurt. I want to use it for breakfast tomorrow!" I told An so.

An happily went to the refrigerator, opened the cabinet, he told me: "But there are only two cups of yogurt left in the fridge!"

"Then have a cup, and please, leave me a cup of yogurt!" I say.

And my brother, in an excited state, ate a delicious cup of yogurt. And then Dung also came, he also wanted to eat yogurt.

"No, you can't eat it, it's my breakfast!" I told Dung when he asked me for the last cup of yogurt.

"I want to eat!" He squirmed, his voice extremely annoyed when he begged for something.

"No you can not!" I continue.

"I want to eat!" He continued, seemingly ignoring my words.

And then, Dung kept saying he wanted to eat, and I kept refusing. In the end, I couldn't stand it and shouted:

"I said no no, don't argue with me!"

My aunt came over, and...

My mother and my aunt took turns telling me about their old days. They scolded me, they said how hard they had to take care of their younger brothers in the past. And they had to get up very early in the day, their parents had to go to work and they had to cook, clean and take care of their younger siblings. 

They added, the two grandparents were very difficult, beat them to the point of bleeding. I just silently listened.

And that cup of yogurt, I gave it to Dung. Come to think of it, I was selfish. I can't remember what I had for breakfast the next morning. Breakfast is always the meal that excites me and makes me crave the most.

I don't know what I did, I didn't know how I was behaving. But I know, my house doesn't like me. Perhaps because of my mother's past. My grandmother hates my mother.

I pointed it out after my aunt bragged to my mother about things that weren't right about me. Like I didn't carry Bong, I didn't clean up, or I accidentally yelled at my brothers. After that, I was sent back to my father. And I'll probably never go to my mother's place again.

I was forbidden to return to my mother's house. And when I returned to my father's house, they met with me and said very offensive words to me. And when I didn't react, my father threw the cigarette box at my face, the sharp edge of the box hit my eyes. It hurts.

I was again, outcast. Yes, I think I'm not unfair. I deserve it, I have to stop that habit. I'm too selfish, I have low stamina, and I'm not a nimble person.

///

Many people ask why I don't go to school, when I am only fourteen years old. There is only one very simple answer, which is... I dropped out of school.

The time when I was still at school was a series of both happy and sad days for me.

I have only two close friends in class, Linh and Tall. I call a friend of mine Tall because she is very tall. Her height is my dream.

The three of us were blacklisted by the whole class. Because we are ugly, poorly educated, and rural. I think so, because everyone in the class is trying to find a way to boycott us.

The boys in class tried to stay away from us, calling us dirty and ugly. The girls in my class tried to approach me and embarrass me. Like they pretended to have fun with me, yeah, it was fun, but they didn't say how much fun it was.

And then they teased the boys, and when the boys chased them, the girls hid behind my back, and whispered in my ear that they were my friends.

The boys chased me, they didn't dare to touch me (for fear of dirt), so they had to leave.

I'm not dirty, I'm sick too clean, I wash my hands often for no reason at all!

A little bit of OCD, you stupid boys!

And actually, I was also left out by my class. But it's too much when they pretend to be honest with me and then stab me in the back, it hurts.

The culmination was when three times I was hit on the head by the teacher with a thick notebook. With the excuse that she overheard me talking during her hour. But it's really not me, the people sitting next to me are secretly talking to each other!

And one more time when I wrote badly because my hand was shaking, I was shaking because I had swept the floor with a heavy broom before, and my wrist was sore.

Seeing that I wrote bad handwriting, the teacher who taught Van at that time slapped my right ear directly, causing my ears to tinnitus all day.

And later on, my right ear was iffected and my hearing got worse. I fear that one day I will go deaf.

I felt afraid of the school environment, and I dropped out. A decision I once regretted, but not now.