SELESTE

[Chapter 11] —Seleste

I decided not to go to the fireworks tonight. It's Trevor's birthday, so I'll let him enjoy the fireworks and the company of our friends. Sort of like a silent birthday present. Once I explained my reasons to our friends, they understood and stopped trying to get me to come. My parents also understand why I chose to sit this one out. I know Trevor will never appreciate how I think of him and try to keep the conflict down. For some reason, he always misinterprets my motives and finds fault in everything I do. I wish things were different between us. I miss being friends. Maybe in time, we can rebuild our friendship, but for today, I'll watch the fireworks from my balcony. Our home is centrally located in the pack. I'll be able to see the entire display from here.

The firework display was jaw-droopingly awesome. The colors were bright, like a rainbow exploding in the sky. The entire sky was filled with lights, spirals of color, and starbursts of greens, reds, orange, purple, and yellows. I could even see the excitement on the faces of the pups as the fireworks shot up into the sky, exploding into various shapes and flashes of color. I felt like a pup again watching them. I'm so glad the alpha and Luna decided to do this for us, well mainly to celebrate Trevor, but we all got to enjoy it. Just for a little while, children and adults got the opportunity to be light and gaze in wonder. I'm feeling all philosophical. I feel like I need to store all this brightness up for a rainy day. I have been having this feeling of dread down in the pit of my stomach. You know that feeling you get when something terrible is about to happen. T has been telling me not to worry, but I can't help it. I know my life is about to change, but I don't know if it's in a good or bad way.

After the display was over. Alpha announced that there will be light snacks set up in the packhouse. I think I'll pass on that as well. I really feel like being alone tonight.

I see my friends walking towards my house. Looks like they are planning to hang out tonight. It is still early, but I don't think I will join them.

"Hi Seleste," Ben says. "We're going to the diner to get something to eat. Don't worry, the birthday boy will not be there. You should come. I know you've been cooped up in the house the last couple of days."

"No thanks, I think I'm not feeling like going out right now. I have a few things I'm working on. I have some new techniques from last month's trip to Asia that I still need to work into your training plan." I tell them.

"Seleste, you are always in work zone. You need to relax and come out with us," Rose says.

"Not tonight. Let's plan to do something tomorrow night so we won't have to worry about school the next day." I say.

"Ok, well, we'll see you later. We'll be at the diner if you change your mind," Rose says. They all load up in Rose and Ben's cars.

I think I'll go to my favorite thinking spot. There's this place in the middle of the forest around our pack. It is so peaceful there. It's a small clearing that is surrounded by thick woods, but the clearing is a perfect circle and perfectly clear. It's like the goddess herself created that spot just for me. When I go there at night, the moonlight is perfect. It illuminates that spot. I usually spend hours there just soaking up the moonlight. My grandmother showed me this spot when I was younger. She said the moon goddess blessed this area. My grandmother said that she always felt recharged by coming here when the moon was at its brightest. Being the chosen protector can be draining, so my grandmother encouraged me to regularly come here to reconnect and recharge my inner batteries. I spend hours just laying in the grass. I feel so peaceful at this moment. Tamaska is even quiet right now. She has been stressed for the last couple of days and it was worse today. My mom told me that wolves sometimes get this way right before they find their mates. We still have two days before we find him unless he is already 18 and finds us. If he finds us, we will feel a pull to him, but won't actually feel the full effects of the bond until we turn 18 in two days. I don't know why the idea of mates is on my mind so much. There is so much more to life than meeting my mate, don't get me wrong, the idea of meeting and falling in love with the one person who is made just for me is the best thing. I just don't know why it's on my mind so much lately. I have a training plan to update, but I can't focus. I go between being excited at meeting my mate to being terrified that he will reject me. It's not common for a wolf to reject their mate, but it happens. Once rejected, both wolves become weak. Sometimes the one who was rejected commits suicide and becomes rogue. When the mate bond breaks, it's like losing a part of your soul. Not all wolves can survive that. My grandmother told me that our family bond is different. We can survive rejection and maintain our strength. She also told me that if a protector is rejected, they will be given a second chance mate. The goddess does not want her chosen protector to go through life alone or broken. When the mate bond is completed, the protector and their mate become stronger. They become a veritable force for good. Most of what my grandmother told me is not common knowledge. Few in the pack know the full history of our family. They know that we are pure Gammas, but not that we are direct descendants of Fenroe. The alpha family knows. Alpha and Luna also know that I am the chosen protector for this generation. That is why he has let me travel to different packs to train and be trained. He knows that my purpose is beyond my obligation to this pack. He is a great leader.

As I'm lying here thinking about all of this, Tamaska starts jumping around in my mind. Like literally jumping around. She seems so excited all of a sudden. I look up and see Trevor standing over me, looking at me strangely. At first, he seems happy to see me, then his expression changes. I guess he remembers that we are no longer friends. Meanwhile, Tamaska is still going crazy in my head. Trevor and Tamaska say the one word I never wanted to hear in reference to Trevor. They both yell "mate". No, this can't be. I can't be his mate. This will never work. Now I'm panicking. I can see on his face that he is going to reject me. This is not the way my life is supposed to go. Oh, moon goddess, give me the strength to be strong and not break down.

Trevor just stands there for a minute, then says, "let's get this over. "I, Trevor Monroe, future alpha of Blue Moon pack, reject you as my mate and Luna."

As soon as he said those words, I felt a pain like I have never experienced before. It's like my heart has been ripped apart. Tamaska starts whimpering. Trevor made my wolf cry. Why would he do this?

"Why?" I ask. As much as I hate him seeing me cry, tears are running down her eyes. "Why would you do this to us? Why would you take away our chance to be happy? Do you really hate me that much?"

"It's not about me hating you, Seleste." He says, "The mate bond will not let me hate you. I just don't think you are the right person to be my Luna. You are a good Gamma. Fighting is what you do, but I need someone else lying beside me. Not someone who will undermine me or make me look bad in front of the pack warriors. I just can't have you as my mate. I don't want you as my mate."

I can't believe my mate is saying this to me. It's like he really wants to hurt me. He is saying that he prefers someone else over me, his mate. Tamaska has not stopped whimpering. She is so hurt by what our mate is saying. Although I knew this was coming, the pain was unbearable.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Trevor? Do you want to think about this before you make a final decision?" I ask in a whisper.

"Don't beg Seleste, it's really not becoming. It should be no surprise that I rejected you. I made it known over this past year that I do not want you in my life. Yes, I am sure. I do not want you as my mate. My rejection stands!"

Did he just say stop begging? The nerve of him. I would never beg anyone to be with me. He wishes I was begging him. How is he going to feel when he finds out that I get a second chance mate while he is stuck without a mate? I don't need to beg.

"Begging, the last thing I'm doing is begging. I have never begged and trust me; you are the last person I would ever beg to be in my life. Out of respect to your father, I have kept my opinion to myself about you and the way you are acting, but truthfully, Trevor, you are a disappointment. I don't know what your parents or the pack will do when they find out what you have done, but since this is what you want and since frankly, you don't deserve me, I Seleste True, Pure Born Gamma, Descendant of Fenroe accept your rejection." I say and begin to walk away. I need to get away from him. It is taking everything in me to hold Tamaska back. She really wants to kick his butt right now.

"Before you go, I order you not to tell anyone about us being mates," Trevor says in his alpha voice.

Is he serious right now, T. does he really not know that the alpha command does not work on our family? He really is not fit to lead our pack. He obviously did not pay attention in his alpha training, or he would know it is pointless to alpha command me. I will tell who I want to tell. I just look at him in disgust and walk away. As much as I want to break down and cry for hours, I refuse to let him see me cry more than he already has. I hold my head up high and walk away from him. The moon goddess granted me my request. I feel strong and I could keep myself together. At least until I get home.

Once I make it to my house, I run to my mom and cry my eyes out. My mom keeps asking me what's wrong. My dad comes in and tries to talk to me, but I can't stop crying enough to talk to them. I can't say the words. At least not yet. My mom calls Mona to come to be with me and to help calm me down. After crying for about an hour, I'm finally ready to tell my family what happened. Wiping my eyes, I begin the story of my life right now.

"I don't know where to start. I'll try to keep it simple. Tamaska was feeling restless, so I went to the clearing the grandmother used to take me to. As I was basking in the moon, Trevor walked into the clearing." I see my mom and dad stiffen when I mention Trevor's name. Mona just looks at me with concern. I think she knows what I'm about to tell them.

"It turns out that I am Trevor's mate," I say with a sigh.

"I don't understand," my dad says, "if you found your mate tonight, why are you crying? Did something happen to you or Trevor?"

"Dad, Trevor rejected me." My family has the same shocked look I had.

"Are you serious," my mom and Mona say at the same time.

My dad is steaming mad right now. I'm afraid of what he will do. Trevor hurt his baby. This may not end well for Trevor. When my dad is angry, even the alpha stays out of his way. My mom or I are the only ones that can calm him down.

"Yes, I'm serious. He said that I was not Luna material, and he did not want me as his mate or the right Luna for this pack." I explained to my family.

"Trevor is an idiot," Mona says. "There is no one more suited to be our Luna. You have always put this pack first. You have always worked to make us better and stronger."

"I know. Mona, it hurts so bad. My own mate does not want me. To make matters worse, he tried to alpha command me not to tell anyone that we are mates."

"What!" my dad yells. "I need to go find this pup and teach him a lesson. No one hurts my baby and lives to talk about. Who does he think he is? He is obviously not fit to lead. He doesn't even know our pack's history. Every alpha knows that our family is not subject to any alpha. We serve out of choice, we submit out of respect, not out of compulsion. Our family has served this pack for generations, and I have never questioned that choice until now. This pack is not worth the pain it is causing my baby. First, I'm going to teach that brat a lesson, and then we are transferring to a different pack where they respect and appreciate us."

"Baby calm down." My mom says to my dad. "Let's focus on our baby girl for now. What do you want to do, Seleste?"

"I really don't know, momma. I don't want to run like a coward. He is not worth us turning our lives upside down. Besides, I will be traveling a lot after school anyway, so I will rarely see him. And dad, if you hurt Trevor, I may ruin your friendship with alpha Collins. I'm sure he does not know what Trevor did. And No dad, I don't want you to tell him. I don't want anyone to know that Trevor was my mate. Grandmother told me that if one of us gets rejected by our mate, the moon goddess will bless us with a second chance mate. While I don't want another mate right now, there is still hope for me in the future. Right now, I just want to get through the end of the school year."

"Ok baby girl, if this is what you want, your father and I will support your decision. But remember, you are my daughter. You will not sit around and mope about that pup. I will give you one full day to cry and be sad, then I want you to pick yourself up and start moving forward. It may still hurt, but it will not destroy you."

"Thanks, mom," I say, hugging my parents. "You always know what to say.

"You are my favorite daughter; I will always be there for you in this life and the next."

"Mom, I'm your only daughter," I say with a smile.

"And don't you forget it," my mom says.

My family spent the rest of the night talking, listening, and wiping my tears. I am so glad I have them in my life. My mom is right. I will not wallow in sadness over Trevor. He has proven that he is not worthy of me. He made his choice and now I am free. I will be able to move on. He thought he would break me, but I won't break. I go to my room and grab my journal and begin to write. I just let all my hurt, anger, and disappointments release on paper. Writing poetry has always been my outlet. Speaking of poetry, I think I will ask the girls to go to Jazzy's tomorrow night.

As I lie in bed, I start to feel this burning feeling in my stomach. I feel like someone is clawing my stomach from the inside. I have a high pain tolerance, but this is unbearable. I yell out in pain. My mom and dad run into my room when they hear me cry out. I tell my mom about the pain in my stomach. My dad gets mad all over again. They don't want to tell me what's going on. Mom says I'm better not knowing. Tamaska is howling in my head. She has been quiet since Trevor rejected us, but now she is balled up in a knot, howling and crying. I know this has to be about Trevor. He made my wolf cry twice. I will never forgive him for that. She does not deserve to be hurt like this.

"T what's wrong? What's happening? Mom and dad will not tell me."

"It's mate, he is being intimate with another she-wolf." Tamaska cries. "He really does not want us, and he is already with someone else. Seleste, I can't handle this right now. I'm going to take a break from this. I'll still be with you, but I'm going into a deep sleep, at least for now, don't worry, I'm not going away and I won't be down long. I just need a little time."

"It's ok T. I love you and I will be here for you." I sent T a hug. I wish I could hold and pet her right now.

"Mom, Dad, Trevor made my wolf cry twice. I will never forgive him for that. She did not deserve that. T told me what this pain is. There is no coming back from this. He has truly sealed our fates and our future. I am done with him. If I had it in me to hate anyone, I would definitely hate Trevor."

"Like your mom said, baby girl, we will support you no matter what. You deserve better. I will stay out of it and let you handle it for now, but if he hurts you again, I will have to step in. There is no way I or my wolf can stand by and let someone hurt my pup. I don't care who it is."

"I love you, dad. Thank you for always being there for me."

"I love you too, baby girl. Now try to get some sleep."

The pain stopped after a few minutes, but it drained all of my strength. I soon fell into a dreamless sleep. I woke up this morning debating if I was going to school, but I decided I would not let Trevor's actions dictate my life. So, yes, I'm going to school today.

When I got to school, I wished I would have stayed home. Trevor announced to the school and pack that Shana was his mate. The school is buzzing with excitement about the future alpha finding his mate in a "regular" she-wolf. They're saying it's like a Cinderella story for wolves. If this didn't hurt so badly, it would be funny. I wonder how Shana lives with the fact that she is with someone else's mate. I mean, she has to know that he is not her mate. She is about a couple of months older than us, so she definitely knows. I wonder if he told her who his mate was. They have been walking around like a loving couple all morning. They are both frauds. I can tell that the boys are not buying it. They are glaring at Trevor every time they see him. At lunch, our circle sat with me instead of dividing the group between me and Trevor. No one wanted to be around him and Shana. Ben is really not happy with Trevor parading Shana around. I believe he knows Shana is definitely not Trevor's fated mate, but I know he won't say anything. He is still Trevor's best friend.

After lunch, I ask the girls if they want to go to Jazzy's tonight. The guys never want to go there with us. I kind of hinted that I had written some new material and I may be convinced to share it at Jazzy's tonight. Now they are excited about going. Jazzy always asks me to share my poetry when we are there. I'm sort of a minor celebrity in that spot. I have a small following. I and the girls have been going to Jazzy's for a few years. The boys have never been interested in hanging out there with us. They complained about sitting around listening to a bunch of people talking about mushy stuff. That's ok. We have more fun without them.

Trevor kept trying to bring Shana around us all day. Most of the time, I just glared at him. The others told him that while they were glad that he had his mate, they would prefer not to be a part of this. Now that was a little strange. Why would they say it like that? I'm truly beginning to think that the boys really know that Shana is not his mate, and they are not supporting him. I know he did not tell them I am his mate because I know they would have said something to me if they knew that.

Trevor and Shana continue to show off all day. Every werewolf present today is talking about them. If one more person comes near me talking about Trevor and Shana, I may lose it. I still can't believe he has been telling everyone that whoooaaaaa... is his mate. I can feel Tamaska's pain through our link. She came but to the surface this morning. She didn't want me to face all of this alone today. I am so grateful for my wolf.

"Tamaska, are you ok? I know it hurts you more than it hurts me to be rejected by you mate and see him parade another girl around. Thank you for not killing them."

"I'm holding up Lettie. I know Convel did not want to reject us. It was all Trevor. It still hurts, but knowing the Convel wanted me makes it easier. We are strong, we will be ok Lettie. And he will regret rejecting us."

"You are so right T. If this is what he does, then he didn't deserve us, anyway. At least we will get a second chance mate eventually and I bet he will appreciate and love us."

"Yes, he will Lettie, everyone but he who shall remain unnamed knows we are awesome!"

"That's the spirit T. I love you."

"I love you too Lettie. You are the best human I could have gotten paired with."

At the end of the day, Trevor passed by me and "reminded me" not to mention I'm his fated mate. He has some nerve. I keep telling myself that I just have to make it through my next couple of classes and then I can go home and get ready for Jazzy's. He had the nerve to give me an alpha order not to tell anyone that I was his mate. As if I would want to broadcast that and I guess he forgot, I'm the direct descendant of an original and the chosen protector of our generation. I don't bow to anyone unless I choose to do so. Why am I just realizing that Trevor is an idiot? The more I see this side of him, the happier I am that I am not stuck with him. I don't know what happened to the Trevor we used to know and right now, I don't even care. I'm looking forward to traveling again. I can't wait to get back out there and possibly meet my second chance. Maybe not right away, but I keep telling myself that this is not the end for me. This pain will go away. As the humans say, this too shall pass. In the end, I know I will come out on top.