Christina Hawk's Monologue and fraternal love. [Sophia Miller]

It hurt.

All the wounds under my clothes hurt and itch.

It's a horrible feeling.

But any pain is tolerable as long as I get what I'm looking for.

I have scratched the cuts on my body so many times that blood has seeped deep into my nails. Chunks of skin have been brutally ripped off as if every part of my body had been chiseled.

It burns. It hurt.

The voice of the young man I'm about to assassinate rings out in the room, asking for an explanation, crying as he apologizes on my behalf.

However, I am not able to hear him.

I know he screams, but his voice doesn't come through my eardrums.

As I scratch my face with my nails, I walk over to him. In my pocket I already have the weapon that I will use to end his life.

I used a saw and a variety of sedatives to cut it into two halves. This was as a precaution to any escape attempt, in fact, I even stopped the bleeding using the sheets so as not to kill him without warning.

It burns. It hurt. Bleeds.

All those wounds that I considered closed reopened and began to spill my blood from all directions. Maybe... Nick thinks he can still be saved, right?

But it is a mistake.

There is no salvation at this point.

It is impossible to glue the halves of a person back together as usual. He would die in the process or even before they try. It's complete stupidity. But this is the price he must pay.

Don't you get it?

Don't you know why I, this person's girlfriend, am murdering him?

Don't you know why I climbed on top of him and cut his face with a razor?

Don't you know why I started stabbing him with that razor in the first place?

It is easy.

Men must pay for his shares.

Nobody! It is! Plus! Sinner! That! Nicholas! Hawk!

Disgusting sounds echo through the room every time I stab him. The sound of meat yielding to the knife, the splash of blood, and the vomiting sounds coming from his throat as he draws blood from his mouth.

Not that I hate it.

I love him!

I'm very in love with him...!

But but...

No.

Me.

I do not want.

I do not want it.

Definitely.

I refuse to accept it.

I do not want.

...

Die.

That's why I kill Nicholas! Not because I hate him, but rather because I'm in love with him!

Even if this involves rolling the die ten, one hundred, one thousand, ten thousand, or even one hundred thousand times. As long as the result does not change, I will not be at peace!

Because!

The only world I want is one where Nick and I can be happy! Nothing more than that! Is it too much to ask ?! I do not believe it!

I love... Nicholas Hawk...

How many times have I already been?

The number of times.

Than something like this.

Has passed.

It is.

2,835,919,999.

I have no recollection of most reruns. But I know that these have occurred because of the countless fragments that travel through my mind.

How did I end up like this, you wonder?

It is.

Question.

Curious

Because I don't know myself.

One day suddenly, I began to repeat periods that span from December 25 to March 19, in that period of time, I have died a total of 2,835,919,999 times without any rest.

I thought it was a mistake.

But as this happened each time, I realized that I was in serious trouble.

I've tried everything. From asking Nick for help, to completely getting away from him, but nothing works!

It is as if they told me that I have to be condemned to spend here for all eternity!

I... I...

I hate having to do this.

I hate having to pick up a knife and murder the person I love the most in order to retain my memories with this emotional anchor. My memories since replay 841,723,042 have been fluid but everything that happens is undeniably incongruous.

So far, at least 96% of every rep is the same. That is, only 113,437,485.8 of the interactions have been different in some way or another.

But I have already been in this world.

I have experienced my death here at least a hundred times and I don't want it to turn out that way.

In the last iteration I basically begged to be killed by Abigail Romanova, but it is already a reality that I have experienced more than three million times and it bores me too much.

What is the reality?

What is real and what is not?

In all the time that I have lived within this time loop, I am still unable to understand the meaning of these things.

Of course.

I have no one to support me.

No one is suddenly going to extend a hand to me as soon as I cry for help.

I don't even know who the person is who gave me that die.

But.

The moment the Nicholas Hawk of this world loses his life. I snap my fingers.

And the world restarts.

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