MY IDOL'S MESSAGE

"It's amazing how Chaoxiang can make a post with no relevance trend like this. How've you been doing these days Meixiu?"

"I told my mom about Jianguo and it's also a headache for her."

"Hey I've known you since college and I know you really cherished and adored that man. Now that he's back, have you ever thought of giving him another chance?"

She forgot to tell Lein that she is already married. Meixiu can still remember how Chaoxiang shut her mouth after they got married. He said he can easily pull out a divorce paper once she messed up. That is why she is trying to be more cautious than usual, she doesn't want to disappoint him at all.

Meixiu knows Lein will be disappointed once she found she is actually hiding a secret. However, in her defense, it is better to keep it from a friend than to be honest and lose your own husband instead. She already developed a feeling of belongingness in his arms. It'll be another huge adjustment for her if Chaoxiang is really serious with the divorce he has been bragging about almost every time.

"Jianguo and I... We never have any chance to be together once more at all. I have changed and he did too."

"Are you alright about that?"

"I have moved on. The only issue is, how can I convince him to stop pursuing me?"

"That's sad. Clearly, he left his business for you and you're just going to reject him?"

"Everyone of us gets rejection sometimes. It's fine."

"Wait, can I ask something? Doctor Zuo, how is he related to you?"

"Doctor Zuo? Senior Liwei?"

She saw Lein nodding her head. Well, Liwei has been a huge part of her high school life. Even before her life became a nightmare, Liwei has been already there for her. She called him senior since he is way older than her and he even became her singing coach.

"Senior Liwei and I were friends back then. During my high school years, he served to be my vocal coach for I joined the school choir that time."

"Are you two dating? I mean, I always see him heading here after his shift."

"Is Senior Liwei that reserved that he didn't tell you he is already married?"

"Married?"

"He's getting married to Zhao Ruomei, Chaoxiang's younger sister."

"What a fortune. Imagine being Chaoxiang's brother-in-law."

"Imagine being Chaoxiang's wife instead.", Meixiu ironically said.

And Lein immediately swam to an ocean full of imaginations. Chaoxiang is way up there, in full form, in his prime years. Who can actually resist his charisma and his talent? And Meixiu knows that. Living in the same house with Chaoxiang, having her first kiss owned by him, and being the first and only man to unzip the back of her wedding dress, whenever she thinks about those, it sends her butterflies in her stomach. That was a zero to one percent reality and 99 percent fortune.

"I will offer him everything I have if that's the case.", Lein said.

"But you see even if you're giving your all, if it's not appreciated, it'll hurt."

"Is this about Chaoxiang not saying anything after all those letters you sent him?"

"No it's not!"

And Meixiu paused for she once again remembered that night when Chaoxiang asked her to throw the letter she actually prepared for him. That made her ask herself; did he read the letter? Did he appreciate it a little bit? Did his heart beat faster as he was holding those pieces of papers? How does her existence as his fan affects him?

"Anyway Meixiu, I just got out of the hospital. I haven't slept yet. Call me if you need anything. Right now, I really need to go to sleep and have some rest."

"I understand. I'll ask my Secretary to call a taxi for you."

So she called Meiying and asked her assistant to grab a taxi for her best friend. It is actually an advantage for her if Lein will leave. She just wants an isolated atmosphere, free from all the loads she is carrying. She is already at the edge of everything, she knows she can't handle these things.

It has been two days since she visited her mom. She hasn't been going home and she rented a music studio near her office. There, she spends her nights working on some songs that she already tried to detach from her for the past years. Those years of living in terror, the only outlet she had was to write her fears in a sheet of crumpled papers. Those songs, she still feels those are the songs that completed her whole life. They define her more than her outfit, more than the scars in her wrists, more than her memories.

She isn't worrying about Chaoxiang and she doesn't even know why. It is still too early to be tired of this set up. She knows they still have to go through a lot. However, the disgust in his eyes whenever he sees her is also making Meixiu disgust herself. That's a thing she doesn't want to happen again but is reoccurring and she wants to be free from it once more.

The first pair of tears was about to escape her eyes when she suddenly received a notification in her phone. She expects it is something from work or maybe Lein wants her to know that she already has a taxi. But the message she received made her tense up; she feels burning and her whole body's warming up.

"@ZhaoXiang wants to send you a message", the notification says.

ZhaoXiang? She knows who uses that username. Zhao is her husband's last name and the Xiang was from his first name. He decided to attach the two together and ZhaoXiang was the result, a username that actually sounds like his first name but uses his last name at the same time.

"I've been asking your friend to give me your socials but she only replied with a link of your fan account attached to it. She told me you were being upset for I'm not saying anything about the letters you are giving me. I appreciate it so much my dear. Hope to see you soon.", his message says.

"Idiot! I don't feel bad about the letters at all!", she screamed and covered her face with her palm.

"Who told you that I feel bad about it?"

"Lein and I, we're actually chatting often."

And she tightened her grip with her phone. That Lein really knows how to make her uncomfortable. Why would she do this? And what if instead of sending her fan account, what if it's her personal account that she sent? It'll for sure be a trouble and Meixiu will never plan on going home once Chaoxiang found out the truth about her.

"You must be nervous to message me back and I understand that. I really hope you are doing great right now. I've read all your letters. You've been saying you love me every time and I really appreciate that. I love you too.", his next message goes like this.

And Meixiu immediately turned her phone off due the tension she is feeling. How could he say he loves her too? He is already married. Well maybe as his fan, he appreciates the efforts his fans are doing for him. He loves them of course, but up to this point where he would actually initiate a conversation with a fan just to say he loves her?

"Why do I feel jealous of myself?", Meixiu bursted out.