10 Passion

After his outburst, Jin changed. He became busier, his attention recalled to the family's business dealings and his role in them. Preparations for the wedding continued whether they were involved or not; the ceremony would largely follow tradition, leaving little need for Saera's opinion. Her initial resentment towards marriage soon washed away into indifference. She hadn't wanted to get married in the first place - she didn't care about the ceremony.

Saera did care about the man, however. The way Jin had touched her after the fireworks was burned into her memory - just replaying it in her mind was enough to send a tingle down her spine. But as the days passed, she almost wondered if she had imagined it. Jin had returned to a polite and proper way of addressing her, even when they were alone. He didn't avoid her like he had initially done, but he remained restrained, with no sign of the passion he'd exhibited prior despite her best efforts to pull it out of him. When she kissed him, he stood stiff and still; when she undressed, he averted his gaze. When she wrapped her arms around him, he closed his eyes like it was painful, and gently pulled her hands away. After the third rebuttal, Saera started to give up. She should have known an arranged marriage wouldn't produce passionate love. She focused her attentions elsewhere, and the days melded into each other.

-

"There's passion in him somewhere, I just don't know if I'll see it again." Saera reclined against the cushions of her seat, nibbling at a piece of chilled fruit. Beside her, Risa devoured a slice of melon and reached for another. The midday sun beat down powerfully from above, it's heat reduced by swathes of fabric draped around the seating area. The girls sat on a balcony in the shade, platters of cheese and fruit and their side and a light breeze twining through their hair. Saera watched as a bumblebee floated lazily through the air and alighted on a pot of brightly coloured flowers.

"Where has it gone, then, this passion? What happened to it?"

"I'm not sure." Saera sighed, her appetite wan compared to her friend's. "He's just… affable, now. He touches me gently, like I'm going to break, and his kisses are quick and fleeting. Maybe I've done something wrong."

"Or maybe, you've done something right." Risa wagged her eyebrows playfully. "Maybe kissing you was so magical he's become afraid to do it again. How romantic." When Saera frowned at her, Risa laughed. "What did he say when you asked him about it?"

"I… haven't, yet. I don't want to upset him in some way."

"It will come to bother you more and more the longer you wait."

"You're right." The conversation lapsed into silence as Saera contemplated her situation. Jin was wonderful, really, in all aspects but that one. It would be silly of her to jeopardize the relationship over something small like a lack of physical affection… right?

"I saw the older brother today." Risa finished her plate and reached over to take food from Saera's. "He's so tall. He must be more than a foot taller than me."

"Mmhm."

"What do you think it would have been like if you'd been engaged to him instead?"

Saera chewed on her lip, musing over her response. "I don't know," she said finally. "I still wonder why he broke our engagement in the first place."

"He's handsome." Risa spoke with her usual unashamed tone. "Maybe he would have the passion you speak of."

Saera flushed until the tips of her ears turned pink, the heat creeping down her neck. "Risa!"

"What, you haven't thought of it? You were to be his wife!"

"Maybe I have, but that was before I met him-"

"It's easier to imagine after you meet him. He has very broad shoulders, and his arms look very strong. He doesn't smile much, but that's okay. He's handsome enough without it. He's probably the type that could just pick you up and-"

"Risa, stop." They had discussed countless men over the years, but this time, Saera felt uncomfortable. "I can't… think of him that way."

"Right. I'm just saying, things could have happened differently."

Things did happen differently. "He… he scares me sometimes." Saera knew it was fear, the fluttering sensation she had in her chest around Akira. The only question was what - what was she afraid of?

"No, I think he's a still quite the gentleman. It's just that he's very intense."

Saera considered that living with that seriousness and intensity every day wouldn't be very pleasant. "Jin is the complete opposite. He's sweet, and he has a sense of humour."

"I know. Sweet could get boring, though."

Saera thought of the morning after the fireworks, of the harsh way Jin's hands had grabbed at her body and his lips had branded her skin. "He's not boring. I'm just missing something, some reason as to why he's acting like this. He said he has to follow the old traditions."

"The old marriage rules? No one cares about those. Remember our cousin Anika, she was courting men for two years before she got married. You mean to tell me they remained chaste the entire time? I doubt it. The younger generation doesn't care." Risa snorted in a very unladylike manner.

"I know, but if he is trying to follow them, then that could have something to do with why he's not touching me…"

Seeing her friend's distress, Risa softened her tone. "You won't know until you ask."

The bumblebee finished it's check of every flower on the balcony and took flight again, its legs covered in fuzzy yellow pollen. "Maybe so," Saera murmured.