Chapter 4: Regrets

I hope someday I get the courage to tell Ruby how sorry I am for doing everything I did to her first love because she honestly did not deserve it especially from me. Now when I look back on those days I am realizing how immature and insecure I was towards the situation.

I guess I have attachment issues, when I am given attention I tend to get jealous when I see the same attention being given to someone else. I fear that the person is going to think I'm no longer interesting to be around. I love my best friend a lot, I never felt the need to not be myself when I am around her. She did not only accept me for who I truly am, but she also showed me how beautiful I am, inside and out.

I finally finished packing my bags, it is crazy how long we can live in our heads. I am doing something physically but mentally I am where I want to be. I think it is creative how beautiful everything is, it is so diverse and intriguing how the universe works. It is breathtaking, how we can time travel in a short amount of time yet it feels like we have been out of it for a very long time.

"Mom, dad I am going to Ruby's house to bid her farewell. I am going to be back tomorrow in the afternoon, I will call when I arrive there. Bye." I said.

"Okay Haya, I hope you get there safely. Send my regards to Ruby's family and tell Ruby to kill it!" my mom replied.

I looked at my dad who was focused on the TV the whole time I was speaking. I do not understand why he is mad, is it because I lied about what I was going to study, or is it because I am following my dreams? Either way, I do not care how he feels. He is my dad but if he is not going to talk to me then why should I bother talking to him.

I promised myself that from now on I am going to be preserving my energy for things that are only going to benefit or disappoint me in the end. I am tired of always explaining myself to people, life is good. I am going to continue taking it as it is and just doing me. Bad Vibes Must Fall!

I got into a taxi and went straight to Ruby's house. Ruby and I have lived far from each other all our lives, the distance has never been a problem. We take it as an advantage because we both knew at some point in our lives we are going to be in different places. We knew that at some point we are going to start living our own lives and growing up by ourselves...so we adjusted to the long-distance, it is not a factor in our relationship together.

I could go to another planet and she would still love me the same way. It interesting because I never get to see her so whenever we communicate, we talk for hours, we video call each other, we cry, we laugh, we get very serious and we promise each other that we are always going to be there. My best friend always pulls through, whenever she disappoints me she explains herself and that is honestly what I love about her. She is the only family I have ever had, she taught me what ride or die really means and that is forever going to be my G.

"Haya! Mama! Haya is here!" she came running straight into my arms, she hugged me and also picked me up. The bag fell on the floor, we both did not care. We kept hugging each other like it is the end of the world. I always miss being in her arms but when the time comes it honestly gets very awkward.

I am not someone who shows much affection, I will reminisce about the things I want to do to the person I love but when the time comes, I just become very awkward and this has always been the case. I get very shy and scared to hug, kiss, or just cuddle with the person I love.

I have always felt like maybe I grew up in a home that does not show any affection. I do not remember having an affectionate moment with my mom, telling her how much I love her and caressing her. It is very difficult to even tell my mom I love her. I mostly say it in a hurry or I do not say it at all.

It does get me wondering why it is like this because they are my parents, my family. We should show each other that we love each other. I have always said to myself that if I am blessed with a family of my own one day, I am going to make sure we are comfortable with showing each other affection. It should be something that we all do every single day. Life is too short, you might be bidding farewell to your loved ones for the last time. We should make the best out of every moment we have with one another. It can all go in a second.

"Hey Ruby, how are you best friend?" I said pulling away from the hug.

"What? oh, you are still beefing with hugs?" she replied with sarcasm.

"You could say that." I replied. We both looked at each other then started laughing out loud.

"Haya! hey my sweetheart, how are you doing? You look so beautiful oh my goodness!" Ruby's mom said and gave me a big hug. I could not help it, I started crying.

"What is wrong Haya? Is everything okay?" Ruby's mom Lisa asked me.

"Haya! Mom? what happened to Haya? why is she crying?" Ruby asked when she came back from putting away my bag.

"I just missed you guys so much." I replied wiping off my tears.