Chapter 3: Jealousy

"I need to start packing a few things, I will take a taxi to Ruby's house," I said to myself.

While packing, an album full of pictures of me and Ruby fell on the floor then I bend to pick the pictures up, I went through the pictures until I came across this other picture of her and me curled up on the couch while sleeping at a small house party we went to during our grade 11. Behind the picture a message was written "When I am with you, it feels like I have finally found where I truly belong. At a party drunk and curled up on a couch with this dummy of mine." HayaxRubyforever

I started sobbing while picking up and looking at the other pictures of all the times we spent together during high school. I really can not believe that the time has come for the both of us to grow up and focus on our lives especially apart. It truly is a bittersweet pill to swallow but I know the distance is not going to make me lose her.

We both put in a lot into this friendship since day 1, it is like we know the only way to thrive is by each other's side. Ruby and I are very different from each other but alike in so many ways I can not begin to explain. We like the same things just slightly different in some aspects.

There is something that has been bothering me though, during our last year in primary school she met a guy. We both said we were going to start dating in grade 12 but she suddenly started seeing someone. I started feeling a little jealous because I thought only I can keep my bestfriend that occupied but at the same time a huge part of me was happy and excited for her.

She showed me pictures of the boy as time went by and then she finally told me they are officially dating. I was very excited for her because she was very happy but like I said a part of me was a bit jealous at how close she was with someone else.

The boy was not as handsome as I thought my bestfriend's boyfriend would be, he was an average looking guy. He was not even tall, they were both almost the same height. I started making weird remarks about the way he looks, I guess it kept growing because I remember how hard Ruby used to defend him and tried her best to be a supportive girlfriend. The remarks grew and I finally started dating someone too.

Ruby and I would keep comparing both our boyfriends even though they were both very different from each other. Ruby's boyfriend was short and my boyfriend was tall. They were not even in the same grade, my boyfriend was older. We did not notice how insecure we both made each other when it came to posting our boyfriends.

I obviously do not blame Ruby because I started all of it, she was giving me a taste of my own medicine which was of course wrong also. We were both wrong for doing what we did to each other. My relationship ended somewhere around March, my ex and I had only been together for 2 months. Her and her ex were together for 5 months. I became single and she was in a relationship.

I became a very toxic bestfriend because I was heartbroken , I hated the thought of a boy being in my bestfriend's life. I was scared she was also going to get hurt the same way I did, I only thought about the negative side of things. I did not look at how happy Ruby was with the boy and how different the boy actually was from my ex. I kept making weird remarks about his looks and his height.

Ruby sent me texts and posted statuses about how much she is losing interest in the boy she was in a relationship with. She would post things like "When your friends make fun of your boyfriend then make your feelings for him slowly disappear into thin air" jokes. I did not understand how deep it actually was because I remember I would laugh.

The day before I went to Ruby's house for a sleepover, I heard Ruby and her ex boyfriend got into a fight from a friend. I asked Ruby what was going on and she told me that she does not want to date that boy anymore. I was surprised to hear that from her because I thought they were fine. They were celebrating their 7 months anniversary just last month.

The day I went to Ruby's house for a sleepover, I got a text from Ruby's ex boyfriend asking me to talk to Ruby for him and try to get her to talk to him about what was actually going on between the two of them. I was not thinking straight because I was happy that I was going to see my bestfriend to celebrate her birthday the next day, I only thought about me and her. I did not stop to think about how the poor guy was feeling after Ruby broke up with him just like that.

As a very possessive bestfriend I did not convince Ruby to talk to him, I also kept pushing him away. They both ended up breaking up with each other and till this day Ruby has never been in a serious relationship. A part of me blames myself for all that happened between the two of them, I feel like I should have been more accepting of my bestfriend's happiness rather than saying bad things about her boyfriend and making her lose interest.

When I ask Ruby if it is my fault they broke up, she says that it was not me but deep down I have a strong feeling it was all me. I should have supported her from the beginning, this hurts me very deeply because I would do anything for my bestfriend's happiness but at some point I took it away from her.