Chapter 4

I know I loved you; when I trusted you though I know that you're not trustworthy.

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Yeon Hee

The lyrics started to wrable in my mind. I don’t know why I feel the words printed in my heart like a heavy stone. I feel that my soul has been cut into small pieces. I don’t know who I am. It feels like a stone pulling my soul down into an endless deep well. The lyrics are reeling in my mind, telling me they're made for me. 

I turned my face to find him standing I front of me in his black suit with no tie to close his vibrant chest. His hand extended holding mine in a language only understood by his hand and my eyes, asking me to dance.

I found him dragging me to the dance floor. I never danced in my life, but I master some moves I've learnt alone, with no body.

I was still standing next to him until he turned around and pulled his hand lightly. I got closer to him, to the dangerous area of any man.

I put ny hand on his back, and he wrapped his hand around my waist like a snake. The danger area was getting more dangerous. 

Oh Hyun Ree, what is he doing here? 

Our feet moved in parallel.

Forward

Backward 

Right

Left

My heart dances before my body. Melody and lyrics leaked again inside my soul to break free and dance. I felt the lights went off. The world became mine for a couple of minutes.

For couple of minutes, he made me feel like a princess in this world.

I feel my heart beating like a small bird. A bird confronting a large creature moving me. For minutes, I felt like a woman; that I deserve to be treated like one.

I felt that all eyes on us while following him like a marionette puppet holding all its strings.

My eyes went around all present till I met Jeon Soo and his father's eyes. He gave me a little hard and indifference look, till I saw his father whispering in his ear.

I turned my face away and saw Hyun Ree's eyes brightening under the light above us.

I tried to focus with him but my eyes forced me to turn around and look at Jeon Soo, taking advantage of looking at him. However, I didn't find him in his place!

I looked at Hyun Ree once again, and his eyes were mrecilessly targetting me. I hardly tried to extract my stifled voice.

I landed my eyes on his: " I am really surprised, what.. are you doing here?!! I said hesitantly, while he smiled lightly and answered: " I told you, I'm Jeon Soo's friend and, of course, one of the officially-invited businessmen here"

I stupidly hummed and tried to balance my moves.

" It seems you never danced before!" he said in a voice only we could hear in order not to overshadow the music. 

I smiled and answered in embarrasssment:" Yes, but how did you know? I didn’t step on your feet even for once. I even move well most of the time.". I completed to find his misterious smile on his lips again, exactly like the first time when he was messing with papers while us being with Hyung Min. 

His smile, I never understand it.

" Dance, Yeon Hee, is not just lightly moving the body or mastering some moves, but it is about two bodies feeling each other. It is about feelings that move the two parties, not the body. And I, forgive me for what I say, can read your body well. You never came close to a man like this before. You never danced with anyone before because you're a little blind when it comes to mutual feelings".

He paused to take a breath, while my face became the same color as my dress. He continued, I wish he didn’t:" especially with your husbang".

He slapped me on the face with his last words.

He really did.

And still, I wasn't annoyed. I loved how he analyized me. I loved him knowing about my moves.

" But how did you know?"

" I love dancing so much, and I learn types of dancing in my free time". I nodded.

He carried on his moves more actively this time. His hand that held my palm rose to drag me.

I spin, so are our legs spinning with perfect movements in which our legs interwined until we stood a bit.

I heard a voice sending chills down my spine. I can tell it reached Hyun Ree's body.

" Sorry to interrupt, can I take her from you?" he said with a frozen sarcastic tone; no one felt it but me. But I liked " take her from you".

I was afraid to turn around. My hands were on Hyun Ree's shoulders, like a little child chinging to her father, afraid to go to school.

Then, I saw who held it, squeezing my hand hard, and turned me towards him. My eyes fell on him; his stares are still the same.

He affects me, even just holding myb hand.

Hyun Ree moved away, so I looked at his broad back and his black hair as the sky at night without stars. I snapped back to reality when a hand wrapped around my waist. It wasn’t wrapped firmly; he brought me closer.

He was just forced to do so. I turned my face to him, he rose his eyebrow carelessly.

I hesitated whether I put my hand on his shoulder or not, until he started it.

" I just saw you a while ago dancing. So put your hand quickly on my shoulder in order to end this. Father is staring at us". He whispered so I understood what's going on. 

I put my hand on his back, while my body threatened to melt.

That was beautiful.

I wasn’t that close to him before, only when I saw him for the first time. Frown doesn’t suit him, but laughter, laughter only as I saw him in the morning.

I forgot any dance move I've learnt. Hyun Ree influences me as a man. However, if there was a man beside me, in addition, I'm in love with that man next to me, he would kill me, not just influence me.

We roam and go around duting the dance. My feet didn’t let me down but my eyes kept looking at his face shamelessly as if there is no tomorrow. His lips, his face, how I wish to rest on his chest.

His heart beats that belong to someone else.

His heart beats that push me away.

How I wish to rest my head on them and close my eyes forever.

I want to touch his hair. It was the blackest, soft as the silk of a black mattress as he lifted his hair off his face.

How I want to kiss his eyes. I've always found his eyes as a galaxy eith thousands of bright stars swimming in the sky of his black eyes.

His bright pink lips.

My eyes roam around his face. I try as much as I can to hide the sorrow in my eyes but I couldn’t. My eyes just sparkle when he is in sight.

I'm trying not to let him notice I'm staring at him. He was looking down or behind me. His eyes never fell on me.

I used this in order to store his details in my mind. I don’t know but this moment may not happen again.

My body's convulsions increased and its temperature was rising terrifyingly. My shivering and cramps made me unable to continue dancing. I'm trembling because his closeness and his details I'm looking at. I have no idea whether he noticed or not.

" Do you know that father called San Hee this morning?" he said with lifeless voice. Here, my body stiffened, I actually couldn’t move.

I know what it meant. His father's got a sharp tongue yet he is kind. She's a sensitive girl, and he's concerned about her feelings. Of course, this happened because of me, and he won't have mercy on me.

" Can we stop?" I said with an exhausted voice. Next thing, I found his arm that was around my waist became tough as he pulled me forward, so I'm completely sticking to him. My face is few inches away from him. I'm.. really about to die now. My nerves can't take it.

He whispered against my lips. I swear I didn’t hear a letter from him. My trembling became apparent like a child standing under the rain in a stormy weather. Supposedly, he did so in order to threaten me but I paid no attention.

What if my face became one inch closer, just one inch, and taste his lips which imagining their taste has been torturing me.

My pupil roams everywhere, threatening that I might faint. 

" Got it?", that sentence emphasized what he had said, which I didn’t hear in the first place.

I nodded so he wouldn’t know that I was distracted by him. Then, he left me and we sat down again. I remained sitting alone looking at Hyun Ree who was talking to Jeon Soo. 

I want to go home. 

I really want to sleep.

I'm tired and I had that headache again; I almost faint. I picked up the phone to call the first number I see. 

" Hyung Min"

" Oh, Yeon Hee,dear. What's wrong with your voice?" 

" I don’t know. The headache is killing me this time"

" Hey, Yeon Hee, have you taken your medicine?" he said screaming so I lied:" Sure, sure, Hyung Min. I'm just calling you cause I'm exhausted. I want to talk to you instead of crying"

I want to cry, I want to cry very hard. Headache hits my head and my pupils are out of balance. I want to cry. The previous situation with Jeon Soo makes my heart even more tired.

I want to be distracted by anything. I don’t want to think that I want to cry.

" Why? Did that bastard did something to you to cry?"

I was about to answer but I saw Hyun Ree holding a glass of wine, walking like a king. The bottoms of his shirt were about to fall due to his wide chest.

He adjusted his jacket and walked towards the big terrace. I don’t know what's wrong with me? What has gotten into me? But I found myself asking Hyung Min to hang up the phone, claiming I'm calling him tomorrow.

I found my feet became strong. Activity rose in my body.

I stood up, walking in fear and hesitation. The cold and air coming from the big terrace sent nice shiver in my body. My hair flowing around me in gypsy mess. 

His hair and back that are similar to the color of the black sky face me. But the moon was shining down on it this time. It lights the right side of his face. His right eye looks forward.

I leaned my elbow on the railing. The terrace was designed in the ancient Greek style like the terrace of one of the emperors' palace.

The world of the rich, I have always hated.

A minute

Minute and a half.

Two minutes.

" Why are you that sad?" he said quietly without looking at me, to the degree that I thought he didn’t feel my existence. 

" How did you know?" 

" Because I feel upset as well but about the place; therefore, I preferred to stay alone here". He paused and turned to me. He leaned one elbow on the railing while his face and body were facing me.

" But I don’t think you're upset for the same reason"

" It's the same reason as yours, but there is another one" I added so he remained silent again. It seems he doesn’t want to ask me or put pressure on me, but I really want to tell him.

" Jeon Soo seems to be the other reason". Well, he is so good at slapping me with his words.

I didn’t want to deny or claim the phantom happy life. At the same time, I don’t want to say yes.

There was a heavy silence while he was looking at the sky.

" Do you know about Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata?"

" I know but I've never listened to it" I said while contemplating the moon with its great bright light this night. 

I saw him taking out his phone, messingb with it a little, then the music of Moonlight Sonata started.

" Listen, heart is only healed by music". 

These words he's said still repeat themselves in the corners of my mind while I was wandering on the conference table in Hyun Ree's company. 

I was waiting for him as I brought some ideas but the memory of the tall guy with a black suit and the Moonlight Sonata still repeating in my mind.

I'm waiting for him for work but my mind is in somewhere else, as if he cast a spell on me and disappeared.

He suddenly entered so I snapped back to reality. He was wearing a suit without a tie again. He greeted me, then he took off his jacket and threw it on the couch. His hands rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt. Once he was done, he started to work and I presented my ideas to him. It was interesting! He ordered me coffee and food as we stayed together for two hours or more.

" In fashion design, I suggest the approach of fluffy cotton outfits, and paying attention to the fat girls' clothes. Most women nowadays are workers, so many of them seek comfort"

" I like the idea. I support what relates to comfort in everything" he said and I smiled awkwardly. 

He always likes what I do or say. He satisfies a part of me, while there is another part that strongly averses what I do. I don’t want to get closer. It produces more pain, more stabs.

I just need a little attention. That makes me do things I recoil from.

We agreed upon everything and I was just leaving. Instead of going home, I decided to do something else. 

I want to see him. My eyes, my eyes refuse to look at anything. Inactivity hits my body; it refuses to move before ssing him.

I asked the taxi driver to deliver me to a café near the company in order to sit and monitor the situation. After arriving, I remained a little reluctant in front of the company because my stupid mind let me think to go inside and watch him.

If I took a step closer, the guards would recognize me and sure ask me to go in; or even worse, they might ask me to go inside to see him since I'm Mrs Kim.

How I want to laugh when this surname is mentioned before me. 

I turned to go to the café again. I'm acting crazy but I found another guset is coming.

" Oh, Yeon Hee" he said miraculously. He was the last one I wanted to meet rightnow.

Oh God, what should I do? How would I escape?

I'm sure my mind had something to do with this scheme. My hand brought me here.

" Oh, Mr. Kim!" I said as he came closer to me, so I bowed with respect.

" You're here to see Jeon Soo?"

" Oh, no, yes, yes yes" I stuttered strongly. I want to escape before a disaster happens. But Jeon Soo's voice behind me reassured me that the disaster has already happened.

I turned my face and I saw him giving me a surprised look. He hasn’t wore his cold face yet as he didn’t expect I'm coming. That made me happy.

" What are you doing here?" he said. I clearly saw that he tried to control his facial expressions as his father was there. " Did you come together?" he referred to me and his father, so I quietly shook my head.

" I was just with a client at that café and I met your father accidently". I whispered so his father wouldn’t hear. He gave me a look that meant that he didn’t believe what I'd said.

" Take your wife to your office. There is no need to receive me or stay with me. I'm inspecting few things"

Jeon Soo bowed in respect, then he pulled me behind him.

" No, no, I have to go, there is no need" I said trying to get him off me but he remained holding my hand firmly; that hurt me. We headed to the elevator together.

No

No

I wasn’t with him alone in an enclosed area before. Someone save me!

We got in the elevator and he let go of my hand. He left it while I wished I was brave enough to hold his.

He let it go, so I kept looking at my hand. I felt so empty inside after leaving my hand.

We went out of the elevator and I followed him to the office. It's the first time for me here. I don’t know..

My mind is turning into the dumbest being of the world now. My heart pump has no enough fuel to take this. 

" Can you tell me why are you here? I won't be fooled by you being here with a client"

He shouted and I felt that my eardumb exploded.

" Jeon Soo, I.."

" Do you like me?" he said sarcastically then laughed.

I didn’t participate in this vaudeville. I don’t want him to know. Hw would torture me more if he knew my weakness.

My weakness, he's my weakness.

" No" I said firmly as my body crumpled. I extracted all my weapons and denied what he claimed.

" Then why are you following me? Did you fall for me or what?" he said with more sarcasm.

I was about to tell him in a moment.

Yes, yes, you fool! I love you, no, I'm in love with you. You run through the corners of my soul. You mess with my head and feelings. No matter how you move away from me, there is a rope binding me to you I can't untie its knot. All I tell myself about my standards for choosing the one I love are false pretenses because I want no body but you, with all beauty or ugliness you carry inside you.

I'm dying every night while you're away from me.

I want to hug you, kiss you, sleep on your chest, and have the right to do so. I want to make you happy with all my soul.i want to be the first one healing the wound of your soul, that no one sees but me.

You, though you're away from me, though I see you from afar, very far, but I keep all your details.

I know your mood swings more than who are with you ao next to you.

But I never said a word.

My mind, my mind told me something else.

My voice was whiny; my voice that exposed my lie. I tried to correct my voice as much as I can:

" I like Hyun Ree"