Silence

Elija stands in front of the person whom he thought he knew. His best friend Fae who he has trouble recognizing now. His childhood friend who was the daughter of the person who had just died. He thought he would be able to see her and remember her face but right now she was crying like their is no tomorrow. and he was the cause. the cause for her pain, for her loss, for her agony. how would she think of him if she knew? he didn't want to find out.

He stopped for a second to think of how she would think of him if she saw him cry like that. But he couldn't even bear thinking of doing that. So he left her with their old nanny who still seems to be in touch with them and went to the bathroom to solve his problems in peace. As he was leaving he felt her gaze on him, which made him run faster.

she was in good hands and he knew that but he was in the hands of pain and confusion, but he had to look at least strong in front of her.

While in the bathroom he crouched on the sink and looked at the floor. He was shaking all over. Someone crazy just killed his only father figure just because he didn't answer the phone. It's messed up to think that all he could do to save the situation was answer a phone call. but no. he had to ignore it like the idiot he is.

He looks at himself at the mirror in disgust. He couldn't save who he loved. He did it again recklessly. He goes to punch the mirror but stops himself in order for no one to hear him outside. He wants to scream. He puts his knuckles in his mouth and bites down on them in order to suppress his emotions.

he can't have another one die. so whatever that phone wanted, whatever it was, he was going to have to listen to its requests and oblige in silence no matter how messed up the situation was.

Someone knocks on the door. he wipes his tears and turns towards the door as he washes his face." hello Elija. This is your old nanny genny. I just came here to check on you honey. Are you OK? Do you want me to go to the pharmacy to get you something." she asks kindly behind the door.

Elija then stops breathing for a second. She came here to check on him. she should be with her not him. but it was a kind gesture and he was going to be grateful and kindly accept it." I'm ok nanny, don't worry I just wanted to have some space so I can be able to meet her without breaking down you know." he shrugged his shoulders at his weak reply, but he just wanted to assure her.

She then let's out a breath of relief. "oh, good then, well Elija, when you come out, can you come talk to me? There is something I want to talk to you about."

Elija immediately opens the door. He had enough of whining. " yes nanny, what is it you wanted to tell me now that im here?" His eyes were puffy red from exhaustion.

She then puts her hand on his shoulder." well listen I'm sure you know that the girls mother died eight years ago right? "

He nods his head. "yes nanny I'm well aware of that, but I couldn't go to the funeral since they lived in Germany."

"of course, but now that her father passed away she has no one basically." the nanny continues. "I just want to stay along with her until the funeral tomorrow. I could have done that but the problem is that I have children of my own to take care of now."

She puts her hands on his cheeks. "if you need anything I'm here OK? Remember I'm like your mother. Only difference now is that I have to go take care of your little siblings." she said referring to her own children like that to tell him she thinks of him as her own child.

"don't worry about it nanny. You've done more than enough. You can go now ill take your place until the funeral tomorrow." he says as he crouches down to be on her level. Just looking at her warmed his heart. He hugs her before she goes and just like that he was left alone to deal with Fae.

He goes to the living room to see her sitting down on the same couch she was sitting on when he first came. She is completely devoid of emotion now. He sits next to her.

They stay silent for a moment. "damn, I never would have thought it would happen like that." she suddenly blurted out.

Elija gets startled by her voice. "what do you mean?" he tries to get a hold of what she is trying to say. He looks at her only to find her smiling in the middle of crying. That smile looked like it was looking for a glimmer of hope. Her hands were griping her thighs in angry fists.

"I mean, I didn't even get to see him before he died. I wasn't ready for him to go. I didn't say goodbye." she looks at her lap while talking. "Elija do me a favor, if you have someone you love and care about, please stay with them and remind them every second how much you need them and care about them. I tried everything to reunite us but I was late. " By us he assumed she was talking about her father.

Elija didn't know the story behind what happened to Fae as to not being able to meet her father, but he new that he can deal with death better now.

Little did he know she can too.

Elija couldn't respond. all he could do was rub her back gently as she looked at one spot on the floor. She is probably thinking about the memories Elija tells himself. He is convinced that is the first stage of mourning.

A few moments later and Elija was fast asleep on a couch. It wasn't easy to sleep but he does so to escape from the situation.

But he was having a dream. In the dream he can see someone. But this person seems to be giving Elija his back. Elija calls out to him. But he can't hear his own voice. He was being silenced. He then hears a voice.

"do you ever blame yourself?"

Elija stops. He knows what he means but he still wanted him to clarify. "what do you mean?"

"do you still blame yourself for that accident that day I mean. " the voice says and when the person turns around. he sees a disoriented face. He would recognise this face anywhere. But the features were missing because he forgot how they looked.

"the accident." was all that left Elija's lips.

Then this person starts to seep into the darkness. He mophs into the shadows until he becomes what was supposed to be Elijas shadow "I'm surprised you don't feel guilty after what happened you moron. "

"I'm sorry." Elijas says. "you probably hate me, no, you hate me but I didn't mean it. I was just a kid. What do you want me to do huh? if I had a choice ,I would die again and again for you to live. " he was backing up into nowhere. He just wanted to get away from the shadow. Breathing heavily he went to touch the shadow only for it to dissappear, and then he sees a door he has never seen before . The door has a hole in it and it opens slowly. just when Elija was about to see what's in the door he wakes up.

When a person wakes up from such a dream they're usually confused or scared or just with some type of emotion that shows what kind of thing they went through. But as soon as he opened his eyes he felt deja vu. He slept on that couch before only to end up having wired dreams.

He gets up and rubs his eyes. when he looks beside him he screams really loud. Fae was holding the phone. The phone that seemed to be the reason for her fathers death. But when he screamed she dropped it.

" oh my god Elija." she says. he goes to pick the phone up. "it's probably broken but what has gotten into you?" she says but Elija doesn't look at her. "I know it's been a while since we've seen each other but since when did you hide your phone from me? And I don't even think our relationship changed that much, right?"

"it's not my phone." Elija replied.

"well whose is it?" she says while folding her hands.

"I don't know. " he replied not looking at her

" you could have said that from the beginning you idiot."

"you know for someone who just lost her father you sure do talk a lot." he blurted out without even thinking.

They stay silent for a while. Her face was raging with anger. This is not how Elija was supposed to respond. This is not how she knows him. "I mean, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Fae I don't know what got over me." But that was it. She wasn't gonna let this pass.

Suddenly a phone rings and Elija almost immediately jumped at the sound. He looks to see his phone is the one ringing right know. He takes it and sees Yanek's ID on the phone.

He shakes his head and answers the call after stepping out of the house. "hey, Yanek. Who the fuck calls someone at four in the morning ?"

"hello? Where are you Elija?" Yanek asks on the phone.

"I probably should have told you but the thing is— Peter died a few moments ago and I'm currently staying with Fae until the funeral tomorrow." he summarizes the situation.

As Yanek replied to his comment Elija couldn't help but feel as if something was off. And he indeed hears another phone call. "Yanek ill talk to you later." he hangs up the call and goes inside the house to see Fae sitting on the couch the phone he fears in front of her on the table.

She had a brave look on her face and she folded her arms while supporting her back on the couch as if she was waiting for him to do something.

He looks at her then the phone. If he doesn't answer maybe something bad would happen. But if he does the same goes on.

He reaches out and takes the phone, looks at her one more time before answering. "hello." all he managed to say was that until he fell down on the floor in pain. He screamed. It was like torture. It was very messed up. He grits his teeth to the point where he thinks they shattered. Was he being punished for what he just did? He can't help but think of that as he tries to shake his arms to stop the feeling of electricity going through him. It makes him look like he has tiks. He keeps twitching. Was it what he deserved?

He stays on the floor until the phone call ends. He looks up to see a hand giving him the phone. It was Fae.

He takes the phone from her and stands up. It was hard for him to move but she seemed unaffected by what happened so he tries to match her energy.

"Well that was weird." he says avoiding eye contact—still breathing heavily as he got up clumsily. "it just happened." he says. she doesn't answer. "are you OK?" he asks. She didn't answer.

He panicked he wanted to cover up the situation ,but the look she gave him kind of scared him a little. "what is wrong with you? Why can't you answer." he screamed for a second.

She shrugs and looks at him dead in the eyes. "for someone who wanted me to shut up a moment ago you sure have another opinion now." she says as she heads to her room. "check up on your shoulder. I remember telling you to do so when I first left to Germany." she gestures to indicate about what she said back then.

"oh and Elija, do me a favor and don't say things you don't mean." She fake smiles as she walks past him to her room.

As soon as she left he started breathing hard to cool himself down until it resulted in him crying. He Fell on the floor putting a hand on his lips so that no one hears. When he has enough of crying he wipes his tears only for more to fall. The tears were multiplying. But to think that she saw him in pain and didn't flinch made him feel worthless.

She ignored him lying on the floor. She watched him lying on the floor. She left him lying on the floor just like the people at the queue.

The next day at the funeral Elija was standing far away from her. He was thinking of what happened the day before and what she said. She thought it was just the pain in his shoulders that caused this. Someone then grabs his shoulder tightly.

"good evening Elija." Yanek says as he appears.

"you don't have to scare me every time you appear Yanek." Elija says returning back to his calm composed self. He needed to look like that so that he wouldn't fall apart.

"oh isn't that Fae. Why aren't you with her right now?" Yanek asks. If only he knew what happened between them just a few hours ago.

"I think I messed up yan." Elija says referring to what happened the day before.

"you always do. That's why you never get any girls." Yanek laughs quietly as Elija punches him. "oh, by the way, I found a job. Still don't think my parents want me home yet though. but I'll try to get out of your hair as soon as I can. And I'm very sorry for your loss."

"well your welcome to stay at my apartment if you want. I'll stay with Fae until she recovers. But don't you dare sleep on the couch while I'm away." he says quietly as the people look at them weirdly.

As Fae looks at Elija, she knows that the old him was always there. his old habits and clean attire and his way of speaking and everything else that indicates he doesn't put much thought into anything he does. all of this had to go. all of this would fade into the background of his life as soon as he dictates his life to that unknown number.