Episode Thirty Seven - Verhelst

Chapter Song Suggestion "Saturn by Sleeping At Last"

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THE PAST | Lars

He kept glancing over his shoulder as he stole into the government's secret vault. According to his sources, Levente was away, and this was his chance to unearth the man's secrets. Courtesy of Mickael's tech-guy, he easily disabled the passcode and slid into the darkened room, stealthily making his way to main monitor.

Activating the hologram screen, he cracked into Levente's files and searched for anything related to his parents' death. The chances were one in a million for the cautious Lieutenant General to leave evidence of his crimes but, Lars was desperate.

His fingers hovered over a particular filename that caught his eye. It was titled Verhelst. Before he could tap on it, the lights came on.

"I figured you were up to something, Captain Verhelst. I didn't think you would be so bold as to infiltrate my office while I was away. Unfortunately, my trip has been postponed. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

Lars tensed. Fuck. He had been caught. "You can't blame me for not trying, Levente."

"Indeed. That's the problem with you Verhelst men," Levente stepped forward, a complacent look on his face. "You're always sticking your nose where you don't belong."

He gritted his teeth. "You killed my family."

"Only if you can prove it." Levente shrugged. "Kasper Verhelst knew too much and I had no choice but to silence him. Your mother was collateral damage, and you were meant to die that day."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I can and there's nothing you can do about it, Captain," Levente calmly declared as if they were discussing the weather. "Unless you have evidence that can be brought to the high court and authorities, I have half of Ataxia under my thumb. You are but an insect I can squash anytime. I hope you'll remember that the next time you decide to pull a stunt like this again."

Lars despised men like Levente. Arrogant bastards. "If I were truly that easy to kill, you would have gotten rid of me a long time ago. No, you know you can't kill me and that's the rub, isn't it?"

Both men held each other in a penetrating, hateful stare.

Lars was the first to look away and retreated. "You're lucky this time, Lieutenant General but it won't always be that way."

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PRESENT DAY

"Are you going to take the job?" Eira's question scattered his thoughts. They left the restaurant with an empty belly and a heavier heart. She couldn't eat a bite after knowing the little girl they rescued had fallen into the wrong hands. It angered her that her vow to protect Jade's innocence was broken by evil men.

"We've failed her once," Lars contemplated gravely. "We can't fail her again."

"I can't believe this is happening." Eira halted in her steps. She studied Lars intently, lips pursing. "Your involvement with the rebellion is equally shocking. I was clueless to its existence and the fact that all these…depravities have been happening. What have I been doing these past few years?" Frustration and helplessness clawed her insides. "It's hard to believe what's the truth and what's not anymore. Honestly, I feel a bone deep weariness. We can't trust anyone. The government has a leash on us and there's an unknown enemy lurking on the horizon. Will there ever be a safe place for us in the future?"

This was the first time Lars was given a glimpse of Eira's motivation and it fueled his personal resolve. He wanted her dreams to come true – it was selfless and humane. Eira was true to herself. And it was one of the reasons she attracted him.

"Come with me," he urged. "It's time to tell you more about my past."

They left Volaris and rode to an abandoned planetarium a few kilometres outside Ataxia.

"Was it alright for us to leave the compound?" Uncertainty gripped Eira as she dismounted from the hover bike. Her thoughts ceased at the riveting sight of the dome-shaped structure up ahead. Beneath the moonlight, she caught glimpses of broken windows, blackened with dense moss. Once upon a time, she imagined how magnificent this building had appeared – even more under the sunlight.

"It's fine." Lars captured her hand in his, tugging her inside the deserted building. "Captains are granted a twenty kilometres radius flexibility outside Ataxia."

"What is this place?" Eira's wonder echoed in the grand lobby. Traces of the past hung off the walls and ceilings and she made out words like 'Mars' and 'Venus' from an extremely faded poster. Fractured globes littered the ground – one even had disc-shaped rings around it. How peculiar.

"This used to be a famous planetarium before predation. It was primarily an educational theatre for people to learn about the stars, planets, and constellations. I come here often for peace and quiet," Lars admitted, minding their steps. The way he perfunctorily steered them in the scant light, avoiding obstacles and cracked floors proved that he wasn't lying.

Climbing up a rickety short ladder, Lars helped her up once they reached the circular roof. A light breeze filtered by, causing Eira to shiver. Noticing her chilled skin in her thin dress, Lars unbuttoned his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. His warmth embraced her, and she smiled shyly. "Thank you."

"Lie here with me." He found a bare spot and unfolded his big body on the ground, making himself comfortable.

Eira didn't need a second invitation. Reclining beside him, she heard him whisper. "Look up into the sky and let your eyes adjust to the darkness and you'll see one of the most beautiful things in this world."

"Why are we whispering?" she mimicked him, keeping her eyes on the night sky.

A low, husky chuckle from him. "Just because…,"

Seconds ticked by and when the clouds revealed the full moon, Eira gasped in delight. "Are those… stars? I've never seen so many stars in my life. They are beautiful, Lars." Lifting a hand, she imagined catching one, her fingers closing around it.

"You can only see the stars out here in the wasteland, away from Ataxia, away from the lights."

"It's beautiful," she repeated admirably.

But Lars wasn't looking at the stars. He had seen them a hundred times. No, he was staring at the woman who captivated him more than fiery balls of gas in outer space. A faint smile relaxed the corners of his mouth. In all the years he came here alone, he didn't know he would be sharing it with her in the future. A tender feeling cushioned his heart.

"Stars are a common sight in Belugia. I used to stargaze with my father when he had the time. Previously, I told you that the government killed my parents but, I've always doubted the reason for their deaths. On that fateful day, I was on my way home, excited to share the good news of my recruitment result. My father was a law enforcer, and it was my dream to be just like him. Secretly, I signed up for the recruitment exam and passed with flying colours. When I reached home, it was crawling with soldiers and my parents were tied up." Pain grated his voice as he recalled the terror of his helplessness. "I couldn't even blink before they pulled the trigger. The gunshots still echo in my mind. It had been swift and silent but, in my mind, it was deafening. My only consolation is that they died a quick, painless death."

Eira rolled onto her side, sliding her palm over his chest, resting on his beating heart. She understood his pain — could relate to it. Their traumatic suffering was connected by the gruesome deaths of their parents. She had witnessed hers being torn apart by a predator, and he had watched his family gunned down before him.

"Before I knew it, I was attacking those soldiers," Lars continued, sounding faraway. "But they outmatched me in every way, and I was caught. Just like that, they viciously altered the course of my life."

"Is that what you're trying to achieve? You want to avenge their deaths?"

"Yes. Just like you have done for yours, I vowed to avenge them and discover the truth of their murder. After you and I parted ways, Mickael took me under his wing and trained me. It wasn't easy. I hated him and believed he was partly responsible for my family's death. Only years later did I discover that he was an ally in disguise. Mickael channelled my rage and hatred for his cause, and the goal we shared. We used each other, and I didn't care as long as I could have my revenge."

"And have you?"

"We're close. A few years back, I unearthed some hidden documents from the vault. Unfortunately, Levente caught me, and he admitted to pulling the strings on my parents' assassination. My father had been a righteous man with a strong sense of justice. His blind trust in the judicial system led to his demise, and sometimes I can't help but resent him for it." Lars let loose a bitter laugh from within. "On the job, my father discovered Levente's secret of spiriting kidnapped children for nefarious purposes. Some children ended up like us, working as kill hunters while some mysteriously vanished. Sometimes, their corpses would be accidentally found in questionable places and not often in one piece."

"What do you mean?"

"Levente's been experimenting on children. After Mickael's confirmation on Jade's circumstance, I am sure of it," he said furiously. "Levente claimed I was supposed to die back then but his men made the mistake of bringing me back. He's a conniving bastard who makes it hard to find evidence against him. His connections are deep, and the years have allowed him to spread his influence like a rooting tree."

"Wait a minute." She rose on one elbow, glancing down at him. "Do you mean to say that this is the reason for the Lieutenant General's antagonism towards you?"

"Mostly. I know he suspects I'm with the rebellion that threatens his authority. If I'm a thorn in his side, then the rebellion is a growing tumour in his body."

"Is the rebellion…well known?"

"No. Mickael is extremely particular about the people he allows into his circle. These men and women have dedicated their lives to bringing down Levente's operation and it's not something to be decided on a whim or taken with a light heart."

"And does it apply to you? Are you willing to die for the rebellion?"

"Mickael knows I have my own reason for helping him, but I am not officially a rebel. That was the deal I made with him. I was already forced to be the government's dog; the rebellion would have been another chain around my neck – a shackle I didn't want." His hand engulfed hers. "Besides, now that I have found you again, I'm not going to risk my life on a suicide mission."

Eira's pulse leaped. Did that mean he wanted to build a future together?

"My only aim is to dispose of Novak Levente. Nothing else matters. Unless he threatens someone I care about, then I don't give a damn about his operation. Unlike my father, I value my life more than throwing it away for a single moment's worth of justice. Unless I have concrete evidence, I won't risk my life or the people I care about."

Listening to his reasoning, she understood his callousness was born from watching his father's meaningless death. Justice didn't put food on the table or kept your family safe. Unless you had power to defeat power, then the weak should keep quiet and fade into the background. It was the grim reality of life – before predation and even now.

Lars helped Mickael because it suited his purpose. He wasn't an official insurgent. And if the Lieutenant General doesn't harm anyone else in Lar's life, then he would be content to get rid of Levente and end his years of bloodlust.

"It's a lot to take in," she murmured. "But it's helping me to understand the years of what you have experienced, and how it has shaped your life, and who you have become." Sadness entered her tone, making him curious about what she was thinking of.

"Your reason for staying in Ataxia, as part of the military makes sense." Her mind kept circling back to her past. "As for me…I am absolutely pathetic."

Lars felt a hint of alarm at her self-mockery. It was unlike her usual optimism.

"I'm a coward running away from my past. I stayed in the military because I had nowhere else to go. I'm afraid of going home. Deep down, I'm still convinced that my brother hates and blames me for our parents' death. I've known for a long time that avenging their deaths won't change his mind. I had the wool pulled over my own eyes." A tiny sob escaped her. "And I allowed myself to be manipulated by a man who didn't love me. I'm a wretched excuse of a human being."

"I forbid you to say that about yourself." He cupped her cheek, the lines of his face stern and disapproving. "You were young, so much younger than I was back then. It was only natural for you to be easily influenced by others. I'm not saying that you were weak. Human beings have the inclination to rely on others for emotional support and the need for acceptance, to be loved and the need for human contact…it is inscribed in our DNA. Even the strongest man alive needs it, no matter how much he might refuse it."

She met the agonizing black of his eyes. Lars was utterly serious. "Are you speaking from experience?"

He blinked at the unexpected question, flushing under his collar. He didn't blame her for asking, because he had been the one who had pushed her away. "I am only one of those examples," he finally relented.

His sore reluctance chased away the melancholy in her eyes and she leaned in to steal a kiss. Her finger pads memorized his features. "Thank you for sharing your past. It makes me even more grateful to be with you after so many years. This might sound selfish when I know that not everyone is lucky to be like you and I." Eira took a deep breath, capturing his gaze intently. "I'm glad that in this messed up world, I get to experience something this normal with you."

An invisible questioned mirrored in his dark orbs.

"I know this evening wasn't a date, but it still feels like one. And to be out here, stargazing with you when we encounter death everyday…I like it. I like this feeling of normalcy. Of not having to worry about man eating monsters, scheming generals or potential enemies. I wish…," she trailed off.

Lars wasn't letting her off the hook. "You wish...?"

"I wish we could stay like this forever." A chagrin smile tugged on her lips. "Is it…cowardly of me to think like that?"

Something inside him loosened at Eira's childlikeness. Strangers who didn't know her might presume her to be a coward but, he knew she was anything but. He didn't care if she called herself one, because the number of times she had knocked on death's door and still returned to him…it made her braver than a thousand soldiers.

Touching their foreheads together, he said fiercely, "You are anything but a coward in my eyes. Don't you ever forget that."

Eira's throat clenched, and her eyes stung. A piece of her heart she had unknowingly tucked away, swelled like a sponge in water. All these years she had longed to hear someone value and cherish her. It wasn't the same as saying 'I Love You'. This was deeper than that. Binding. Everlasting.

Unable to contain her overflowing emotions, Eira pounced on Lars, knocking him flat on his back. Pinning his shoulders, she straddled his waist, the moonlight reflecting in her eyes. "Tonight, we won't leave until we're thoroughly sated. I want to feel you, Lars." She leaned into his ear, blowing lightly. "I want you inside me, filling me up until we don't know where I end or where you begin." Then, she kissed him.