Chapter 20

I've been standing in the shower for a good 15 minutes, my head banging, my stomach churning and the room spinning. I knew I shouldn't have drunk that much. The only plus side to all that alcohol was I managed a solid 7 hours sleep for the first time in ages. It would have been nice to have woken up feeling refreshed after that but instead i'm hanging badly.

After I have finally managed to wash I get out and wrap a towel around me and another around my hair. Although my milk has dried up I am still bleeding so I have to go straight to the toilet and sort out a pad. I pick up the little hand held mirror I leave on the cistern and check my face. I look pale and gaunt, I have very dark circles under my eyes and I still look tired. My stomach growls quite loudly and I realise that for the first time since Jangmi was taken I actually feel hungry.

Once I have finished on the toilet I brush my hair and teeth. I'm standing at the sink, a large mirror behind it in just my Bridget Jones knickers and notice that my swollen breasts have almost completely deflated and they are different to before the pregnancy. I always loved how pert and how full they were, and although they are not horrendous to look at they are sitting lower and are flatter across the top, my nipples have changed colour too. Not pink anymore but a light brown. It's crazy how your body changes throughout your life, from child to adult and for women again after becoming mothers. The skin on my tummy is still a little wobbly but I have flattened down. I have always been quite lucky that I haven't had to diet or work out to have curves, but I think I might need to start exercising now.

Namjoon is still sleeping in the main bedroom so I quietly get out a pair of leggings, a sports bra and baggy t-shirt and get dressed. I tie my wet hair into high ponytail and make my way down to the kitchen. I think I am the only one that is up, the house is quiet. I fix myself an orange juice and a bowl of fruit, pop in my air pods and start a playlist. I stare out of the window in a world of my own, not really thinking, just listening to the RnB exciting my ears and pick at my fruit.

A fair few songs have played and I have found my foot tapping and my body wanting to move but I haven't, i've held back. I can't dance and enjoy myself, it wouldn't be right.  Ive managed to eat the whole bowl of fruit and I have drunk my juice so I get up to rinse the dishes and pop them into the dishwasher as 'you can do it' by Ice Cube comes on, the beat is strong and I love rapping along with him, I begin to move my hips and bounce my shoulders. I put my ass into it like the song says and dance around in a circle gyrating and attempting to twerk.

Just as the song is about to stop I have a feeling i'm being watched. Sure enough I look up and Jungkook is standing at the door of the kitchen smiling at me. I instantly feel embarrassed and ashamed. Embarrassed because he has seen my poor attempt at a twerk and ashamed because i'm dancing and enjoying music when my Daughter is still missing. I flush red and take out my air pods, but before I get the chance to say anything he asks "what were you listening too?"

I tell him the name of the song and who it's by and he says he doesn't know it so I play it out loud for him. As the beat drops he bobs his head and then starts dancing to it, he has phenomenal hips that move effortlessly. He points to me and tells me to dance with him. I two step over to him and he takes my hands and twirls me around, we laugh hard but carry on gyrating around each other until the song ends and then I sit down on one of the stools to catch my breath. "That's a good song" he says grabbing himself a bottle of water from the fridge. "You have good taste in music".

I thank him and ask whether anyone else is up yet. "No it's just us I think, I am going to the gym to work out, wanna keep me company? You can play me some more of your favourite songs?" I have nothing else I wanted to do, and I was thinking of maybe having a run on the treadmill this morning anyway so I nod and follow him to the back of the house and into the large room with all the equipment in it. Over time the room has been filled with more and more, now it has 2 treadmills side by side, a heavy bag, weight benches for your arms and legs, a rowing machine, yoga mats, pull up bars and a set of rings like what Olympic gymnasts use. Jungkook is the one that uses this room the most, the others work out but this seems to be his sanctuary, he takes himself off a lot to train. I do wonder sometimes what he is trying to escape, but I have never felt confident enough to ask him. Maybe now is the right time.

I walk over to the set of speakers in the corner and attach my phone. I put on the same playlist that I had going in the kitchen and resume it from where it left off. As i'm a workout novice I ask him for some advice on what I should do first. He takes me through a stretching routine, he says it's always best to stretch first and after a workout so you don't injure your muscles. First of all we stand and try to touch our toes, I have always been quite flexible so I can get relatively low but can only grab my ankles. Next it's putting our arm across our chests and pulling it tight with the other and then swapping relaxing the shoulder blades. Arms up above our heads and dipping to the left and then the right to stretch out our sides and then we sit on the floor. Legs out in front of you, toes up to the ceiling and lean forward followed by pulling your feet in to your groin and pushing your knees down to the floor. I've always been good at this one. I find it easy but can see he is struggling.

I sit up on to my knees and put a hand on each of his legs and push them downwards, he lets out a little yelp and laughs "stop it that hurts" he says putting his hands over mine. As he goes to pull my hands away I lose my balance and face plant his lap! Oh god Aimee, you total idiot. I quickly right myself and move back from him "i'm so sorry" I say mortified and put my head in my hands. He laughs and says "it's ok, i'm used to women throwing themselves at me".