Chapter 48

We have finished our coffees and ask Haruto if we can settle the bill but he will not accept our money. Instead he tells us to come back and bring our husbands before we leave Japan. We tell him we will try, thank him for his hospitality and leave to finish our circuit. It doesn't take us long to get back to the house, when we do we find Sakura and the children in the garden. Yeong is playing in a sand pit building an enormous castle and Jangmi is half way through a bottle. We take a seat at the garden table to watch our budding architect at work.

"Did you enjoy your walk?" The softly spoken petite au pair asks. "It was lovely thank you. We only did a round the block but stopped off at a coffee shop for a bit" Lori advises her. Yeong begins to tell his Mummy all about his castle and where everything is, he has built a moat, stables for his horses, a throne room where his Daddy will be and finally a special room for Ahnjong. Lori and I pause, this is the first time he has mentioned her since we told him she was not going to look after him anymore.

"Why have you built a special room for Ahnjong?" Lori enquires in a cheery voice. Her sweet little boy gets up and comes over to her, wraps his arms around her and puts his head on her lap. "I miss her mummy, I want her to come back. She was fun" he says. I see her heart break a little for him. How can you explain to a child so young exactly what happened and where she is now and make them understand? I don't think he will truly gauge the whole situation until he is much older. In the mean time Lori does what she can and strokes his thick black hair and simply says "I know darling but Ahnjong had to move away. She can't come back now".

Jangmi has finished her bottle and I take my little bundle from Sakura to wind her. "Are you happy if I go to start preparing lunch for Yeong?" She asks us. "Of course Sakura, that's fine, we are not going anywhere now" Lori says still hugging her little Prince. She bows to us and heads off back into the house and I say to Yeong "why don't you make the special house for Sakura instead?" He stands himself up and rushes back to his castle. "Yes aunty Aimee, great idea. A special house for Sakura".

After Jangmi is winded, I change her nappy and put her into a bouncy chair next to me but under some shade and she happily sits and watches. I have purposely tried not to be to overly clingy with her and cuddle her all the time. I want her to know I'm here but not be one of those babies that will never settle if you aren't attached to them. I know her first weeks were anything but normal but I don't want that to impact on her as she gets bigger because I am neurotic. I want her to be comfortable with other people, I want to be comfortable leaving her with other people. It's been hard. I've really struggled at points, but it's getting easier to trust again.

My phone bleeps. It's another text message, but it's not from Namjoon. It's an unknown number. I feel the colour drain from my face. I instantly feel sick. Sakura returns with food for us all, not just Yeong and asks if I am ok. Lori turns around and says "what is it? What's wrong?" I hold up my phone and show her. "It could be anything Aimee, a sales text, a wrong number, open it". I swallow down my nerves and press read.