Chapter 54

I wake up, hearing Jangmi stirring, I check the time on my phone, it's a little after 5am, she has been sleeping until about 7am, but I get up to check on her. Her nappy looks very full so I take her to the change table and undo her sleep suit. It's damp so I take it off, and open her nappy, she is very wet, so I remove it and clean her up. I put a new nappy on her and grab a new sleep suit from the top drawer of the unit. When she is all clean and dry I decide to take her downstairs and make her a top up bottle.

When we get into the kitchen the early morning sunrise is just peeking over the top of the trees, the birds are chirping and there is a steady breeze. It's so quiet. I pull a bottle out of the fridge, it was made up last night and pop it into the bottle warmer. I wander around the kitchen island and hum a lullaby, patting her bum as I do. She isn't fussing, but hasn't fallen back to sleep, maybe she is a little hungry. The timer clicks off on the bottle, I pop the lid and check it's not too hot and head into the front room to feed her on the sofa.

I grab the blanket from the back of the chair and settle down covering us both over and popping the bottle into her mouth. She drinks and I put on Netflix. I've been watching a show called 'sex education' about a young boy whose Mum is a sex therapist. It's really funny. I have a soft spot for the main characters best friend, he is awesome, just like mine.

I sit there chuckling to myself, stopping feeding Jangmi every now and then and winding her, and eventually she falls asleep. I decide to not go back up to bed, I am wide awake now and she probably won't sleep for long. We have a Moses basket in the front room, so I pop her in there and head into the kitchen to get a coffee.

As the kettle boils I wonder whether Joonie will be in a better mood this morning or not. Being awake this early means that I should see him before he leaves. I decide to make some fruit salad pots for them all to take in the cars with them, it won't take long, Jangmi is only in the other room so I will hear her if she cries.

I check in the fridge and pull out strawberries, grapes, pineapple, watermelon and raspberries and look in the cupboard for Tupperware pots. I can't seem to find any with lids, but I do find clingfilm. There are a fair few plastic drink containers too with lids and straws so I then decide to make a batch of iced coffee for them as well.

About 20 minutes later, I have finished my coffee, there are 7 clingfilm wrapped bowls of fruit and 7 cups of iced coffee on the side ready for them to take. I've heard a little movement upstairs and I can see from the schedule that they should be getting ready to leave soon. I head back into the front room and check on my little angel, she is still asleep.

I press play on the episode I was watching as Yoongi appears in the doorway. He is dressed in long green board shorts and a black vest and is wearing his favourite baseball cap. He usually keeps himself covered up, but it seems like it's going to be quite warm today so has a bit more flesh on show. "Morning" he says with a gruff voice. I turn towards him and smile, looking behind him to see if anyone else has come down the stairs yet. It seems he is the only one at the moment. "Morning Yoongs, did you sleep well?" I ask him. He nods and rubs his eyes, wiping away that sleep that hasn't quite left him yet.

"I've made some iced coffee and fruit pots for you all, they are in the kitchen" I advise him watching his eyes light up at the mention of coffee. "Thank you, that's lovely of you, I'm starving and in desperate need of coffee". He heads into the kitchen and after a couple of minutes comes back in and sits at the other end of the sofa to me. "What's up? You look sad" he tells me.

I put my head down, I know I have confided in him in the past, and he is great at giving advice, but I choose not to go into too much detail. "I had an argument with Namjoon last night and slept in with the kids". He looks a little surprised and asks "was it over Jimin by any chance?" 

How does he do this? He is so astute, he really does notice everything, even when you think he isn't watching he is! "Yeah it was, how do you know?" I ask him, wanting him to tell me everything he knows and then impart his wisdom on me. "There was a little tension between them at rehearsals, I'm not sure what was said, but I think it was about you. Both Jimin and Jungkook were talking about something, Namjoon overheard and he got right up in Jimin's face. Jin had to pull him away, for a minute we thought he might punch him".

Oh my god, this is such a mess. I think for us to resolve whatever is going on between them all, it is going to have to be a conversation just the 4 of us. We can't carry on like this. "Oh no, really, that's so out of character for him to be like that, especially with you guys" I say, shaking my head in disbelief. "Yoongs, can I ask you a question?" I lift my knees up to my chest and pop my chin on them and wrap my arms around my legs, a comfortable position when you are asking an awkward question. "Sure" he says taking a sip of his coffee.

"Do you 7 talk to each other honestly about your feelings? Your sex lives? Intimate stuff?" I feel myself get embarrassed by asking, but I would like to know the truth, and i'm certain Yoongi will give me that. "Erm, feelings, some, but probably not all. Sex stuff, not much, little things, like banter. Like yesterday, they all called me God for most of the morning because they heard Lori the night before, and Namjoon mentioned something to us about handcuffs in passing but didn't go into detail just it was fun so we were calling him copper. I know you share a lot with Lori, probably more than either I or Namjoon would like but that's your relationship and we wouldn't want to change that but it's not how we are".

I have never understood why men don't share more. Honestly, I feel so much better getting out my thoughts and feelings in my deep and meaningful conversations with Lori, and I know she feels the same. When it comes to the sex stuff I don't know why we tell each other so much, we just always have. Maybe it's a woman thing, maybe it's just a me and her thing. "Thank you for telling me all of that God, I really appreciate you taking the time to minister to your flock" I say laughing with a snort at how funny I find myself. He chucks a cushion at me playfully as Namjoon walks into the room. He doesn't look happy.