Chapter 53
The room is dark, I can't hear him snoring or breathing heavily, so I think he is still awake. I walk to the edge of the bed on his side and say "Are you still awake?" I am met with silence, so I press "Namjoon, are you sleeping?" No answer. I know he is awake, but being stubborn, he is like his Mum when he is angry.
"Ok, you won't talk to me, that's fine, I can't make you, but you need to know, it's always been you, it always will be you. You are my forever. I have no interest in a relationship with anyone else, I will stop spending time with Jimin and Jungkook if that will make you feel more secure, I have just told Jimin there will never be anything between me and him, and I will tell JK the same. I'm going to have a shower, and I will sleep in with the children to give you some space, but I am going to put a song on now for you which explains the way I feel for you. Maybe it will sink in in a format you understand".
I switch on my Bluetooth speaker and load up the song. It's Amazed by lone star. A beautiful country song. The words are:
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby, when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby, you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Why the song plays I grab a nightie and head off to the bathroom for a shower. I'm starting to get a headache, that happens when I cry. I hope he starts to truly understand my feelings for him, and realises he is being irrational.
When I get out of the shower, the song has stopped, the light is still off and it doesn't seem like he has moved. I quickly dry myself off and throw on the nightie, and head off into the children's room.
Yeong is fast asleep in the far corner, a night light shining a little dim light on his face, his precious teddy wrapped up in his arms. I look in on Jangmi who is peaceful in the centre of the room and has her own little light show. A fluffy lamb with a rainbow tummy that glows in different colours and when you choose plays nursery rhymes too reflects on her. Nanny brought it from Spain, one of many gifts she bought for her on their visit. I could really do with my Mum right now, although I am not sure she would fully understand the complexity of the situation.
There is a spare bed in this room, another single, for in case either Lori, Sakura or myself needed to be with the children, so I pull back the duvet and slide in, manoeuvring to get comfortable and closing my eyes. I hope things are better in the morning.