Chapter 52

I tap on the door of Jimin's room and go in, he is in a small pair of YSL boxers, laying on his bed playing on his phone. He knows something is wrong and asks "what's up gwihan?" I can't help myself and I start to cry. He puts his arms out to me and says "come, cuddle". I walk over to his bed, put the lavender oil on the side table and sit next to him then swing my legs on to the bed and squeeze into him. He wraps his arms around me and gently strokes my back.

"Oh gwihan, what is wrong? Why are you upset?" He begins to twirl my hair with his fingers as I sob into his bare chest. "I have had an argument with Namjoon, he just told me that I settled for him because you didn't want me!" Now I have started crying I can't stop, my nose is running and I am sure my eyes are puffy already. "That's not true, I did want you, I was just scared, I wasn't brave, I should have fought for you" he says pulling my head back and kissing my forehead.

This is the first time he has ever told me that, it's lovely to hear, but it doesn't change the way I feel about Namjoon. We have a much deeper connection, I feel things for him that I don't ever think I could feel for Jimin. I love his humour, his flirtatious manner and his desire for all things risqué but we have never really had  deep or meaningful conversations about our fears, hopes and dreams like I have with Joonie.

"Ah Jimin that is a sweet thing to say, and I am flattered you think that, but we wouldn't have worked, I honestly think that it was fate I ended up with Namjoon. I love him so much and you are a really great friend". I try not to hurt his feelings anymore than they already do, I want him to know he is special to me, but that I am certain of my feelings towards my husband.

"Gwihan, if you love him so much why did you have sex with Jungkook?" I'm surprised by his question, but I suppose it's fair. Why did I? Mainly because he brought it up and seemed like he wanted it, he was aroused, that turned me on. Of course I find other people sexually attractive, JK is no exception to that, neither is Jimin, but if it hadn't of been discussed in that room at that moment I would never have done it. "That wasn't all me, Namjoon instigated that, I went along with it. I enjoyed it and I do find him attractive, but it was just sex, there was not a connection like there is with me and Joon". I reply honestly.

"You can stay in here with me tonight if you want, but I am not sure that will make things better. It seems he has an issue with me and you and the fact we are still close. I do tease him sometimes about stealing you back, that's probably not helping, so I will stop, although I would be lying if I said I didn't want you back. I dream about making love to you, being able to call you wife, have beautiful babies with you like Jangmi. I get sad, I haven't had feelings for anyone else like I have for you. I know Jungkook feels the same, we talked about you today, how he wants to be with you, now he has had a taste he wants more. We both love you very much". He has taken my hand in his and is tracing the lines of my palm slowly, not looking at me, maybe a little embarrassed about letting out his true feelings.

"I should go back in there to him shouldn't I? Make him talk to me, make sure he knows how much I love him?" I say, almost asking for advice. Jimin nods, still not looking at me, simply sitting, holding my hand and looking like his world has just imploded around him. I see a single tear roll down his cheek and him quickly wipe it away. My heart is breaking, I have never wanted to hurt him like this, I honestly thought all this time he was ok with just being friends, I never once thought he still had feelings for me. Maybe the fact that he does and we are so close and have a history is why Namjoon is so worried.

I have to let him know that he is the only man for me, I don't want anyone else. I can't leave things like this. I kiss Jimin on the forehead and thank him for listening and run back into our room.