Chapter 57

***Namjoon POV***

The song finishes playing and she is still in the shower, it was good and the words were nice but it doesn't stop my mind from thinking that she would rather be with Jimin. If he clicked his fingers she would go running. After all it was him she connected with first in London, and I know she only chose me after she found out that his parents would not want him with a non Korean. She didn't protest much when I offered for her to fuck Jungkook either, I thought she may have said no, especially since she knows I don't like the idea of sharing her, but I pushed that along so I am part to blame.

I hear her leave the room just like she said she would, I will give it a while and check to see if she is in the kids room though. After what she said earlier I can't help but wonder if she isn't heading off to climb in bed with Jimin. He really pissed me off earlier, I would have knocked him out if he had of carried on. It seems now he knows that Jungkook has been with Aimee too he has someone he can talk to about her. I overheard him asking JK if she still had a tight pussy, even after having a baby and they were laughing about it. That's my wife they are talking about! Whatever has happened still have some fucking respect for her.

I doubt she would be happy if she knew how disgusting they were being. His little smug face when I told him to shut his mouth tipped me over the edge and I did nearly do something I could have regretted. Thankfully Jin stopped me. After hearing all that from him it just wound me up when she was then worried about him hurting himself. He doesn't deserve her compassion.

I am so angry, I feel rage in me and it's over so many things, I am still pissed of Nari has not been caught, angry I can't believe my wife loves me, annoyed that my self esteem is so low, fed up with how Jimin thinks it's ok to constantly remind me he fucked my wife before I did, and confused how I didn't want to share her but I couldn't stop how turned on I was getting pushing her to sleep with Jungkook. I'm messed up.

I'm getting really good at burying all this, and have been since that day in Lori's front room in London when she agreed to date me. The love I felt for her spurred me on and I thought it would go away, but it comes back in waves. When my Mum mentioned that she thought Jangmi could be Jimin's it all came flooding back. There was no way I was letting my Mum see I had doubts because she would have pushed and pushed and caused more problems.

I decided to try and throw myself in to the playful things she likes, hoping giving her what she wants would build my confidence but it hasn't. I had a brief moment earlier where I managed to shut out all the noise, and we made love and I felt so close to her, and then when she asked him how he was I just saw red!

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom for a wee. I pop my head in to the kids room and she is in there like she said she would be. I really need to get passed this. I need to trust what she is saying, I need to believe that I am worthy to have such a hot wife, that I am as gorgeous as she says I am. I suppose there will be people out there saying how can I doubt that people find me attractive when I have millions of fans screaming for me, telling me they want to marry me and so on, well, for everyone positive there are 4 hateful comments. You start listening to the majority after a while.

I've been told I have a square head, a big nose, a gormless smile, to skinny at points in the past, now I am too big, that when I wear glasses I look like someone's grandad, that I am too feminine, that I am really gay, that I can't sing, dance or rap! It's relentless.

I get back into bed and try to get some sleep. I toss and turn for a little while but eventually I drop off.