Chapter 63

My head hurts, my brain is whirling with thoughts. Firstly, I'm not surprised Jin didn't text me, we are not close, he has always been difficult for me to read, and although he is always polite we just haven't gelled like I have with the others. He is very insular, doesn't talk much about his feelings and uses humour to distract from deep conversations. This situation will be hard for him.

Clearly Yoongi wouldn't have text or rung me because he was too busy being my knight in shining armour and looking after me, but I was expecting something from all of the others because although I have differing relationships with them, generally I get on well with them. Tae and Hobi's messages are what I expected, sending me love and letting me know they are not happy, Tae who always loves to have a cuddle offering me the thing he is most good at in emotional situations.

Jimin's messages are honest, just like him, he feels regret for how he has been acting, wants me to know he sees his fault and that he could be a little to blame. Of course whatever he has been doing does not give Namjoon the green light to fuck somebody else, so although he feels he could have pushed him towards this, ultimately the only person to blame is Joonie. It's nice to hear he will always love me, and by saying he understands me needing to step away from me makes me believe he does really care for me. What's that saying, if you love them, let them go.

I know he will always be there for me if I need him, he said as much. Jimin can sometimes seem quite immature and child like, but he actually is a lot deeper than people give him credit for and he struggles with things and bottles them up. He knows in his heart what he wants to say and how he wants to convey it, but finds it hard getting the right words together sometimes. He does a little deflection too like Jin, his charm, good looks and sexual confidence is what he uses in tough situations to move conversations away from those he doesn't want to delve into in the moment. There is still more to learn about him, and I think I have only scratched the surface of Park Jimin.

Jungkook's messages are setting off alarm bells in my head. What does he mean that he messed up? What happened yesterday he needs to tell me? I don't have a good feeling about that part. The rest is pretty self explanatory, he loves me, he will be there for me, a typical platitude to someone you care about that's in a tough spot. Hitting Namjoon wasn't a surprise for me, Jungkook can sometimes get a little aggressive when he gets upset. He fiercely protects those he cares for, and it's obvious he does feel something for me, but I think it is more infatuation rather than love. I'm sure in time he will realise this.

Lori comes back into the room with a lot of toast and 2 cups of tea. I also spy some sweet treats. The idea of eating is not one that is filling me with joy, but I do think it will help. "Wow, there is enough there to feed an army" I joke with her, letting a little chuckle leave my lips. She pops the tray on to the bed and picks up a slice, taking a bite and tells me she is starving so what I don't eat, she will. Tea, I will start with the tea first, moisten my throat and mouth ready for the swallowing. She really makes a good cuppa, nice and strong, plenty of sugar and hot.

The first few bites of toast slide down lovely, I was hungrier than I wanted to admit, eating was a great idea, and the sugar in the tea is already helping to perk me up. My head feels a little less woozy. "I had a fair few messages, I've read them all except from his, and he has left me a voicemail too. I'm not sure I want to hear what he has to say for himself yet" I tell her.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" she asks, and I know full well if I wasn't she wouldn't push me. Where do I start? I suppose she needs to know from the argument about Jimin to really get a sense of where we are. I explain it all, taking my time to make sure I piece it all together correctly, what he said to me, how I acted and what I told him. The brief discussion with Jimin before realising I had to try and sort things with him and then the silent treatment. This is where it gets hard for me, actually telling her what I saw.

"So much flashed in my mind as I opened that door. His hands in her hair, their lips just parting after kissing, her bouncing on his lap, her dress pulled up and knickers still on, his shorts round his ankles but most of all the look on his face before he opened his eyes and saw me. He looked lost. Not blissful, not turned on, not even enjoying it, totally lost like it wasn't him sat there, just someone who looked like him. It was when I saw his eyes that I felt the vomit wanting to come up, when the betrayal actually hit me, then his sexy voice sounding so strained saying my name, like it was painful for him. That's when I had to leave or risk throwing up in front of him, or losing it with her and smashing her smug face in". The tears have not come this time, now it's rage I feel.

"That must have been really hard to see, especially on top of the upset of the argument you had last night. I'm so sorry Aimee, I never thought we were going to be here again. I could kill him for doing this to you". She strokes my upper arm to comfort me and I eat some more of my toast. I could kill him too, but not before he has explained himself. I didn't want to read his messages, but now I want to know what he has said. I pick up my phone and open the texts. He is in my phone as Hubby, reading that sends a pang of upset to my tummy. "Let's see what he has to say for himself shall we?"