Chapter 64

Hubby:

-I cannot begin to understand how you are feeling right now, and I know whatever I say won't take the hurt away. I have fucked up and will never forgive myself so I don't expect you too. I'm so sorry Aimee. I love you so much and I have totally fucked us. I have no idea how it happened or even why it happened. I think I need help, I don't think I am right in the head. How could I do this? What has happened to me? X

-Please know that I love you so much and I am broken for hurting you like this. I will do whatever it takes to repair us, I don't want to lose you. You are my world. X

-Can you let me know that you are safe please, Yoongi has told me he took you home and that you had fainted, I just want to know you are ok. Please Aimee, let me know you are alright. X

-I understand the silence, you need time. I get that, but we need to talk, I have to try and explain. I need to see you. I want desperately to work this out. I am so sorry Aimee, truly, so very sorry. X

-Will you be at the house when we come back? Can we talk? Please don't leave me! I'm so sorry. I can't lose you! Please Aimee, give me the chance to put this right. X

I've read them out to Lori who listened and didn't say anything. I look at her and wonder what she is thinking. She brushes her hair back from her face and clears her throat. "It seems to me like he is having some real problems Aimee, and I am not condoning what he has done, but maybe there is more to it than just deciding to cheat. Maybe he is 'not right in the head' as he puts it. You have both had a really hard time lately, and you coped so well with it all because you have had rough times before. Yoongi managed to get through it all unscathed because he has dealt with his own demons in the past and I know what signs to look out for and how to work through them from being there with you when you were at your lowest so I am ok too, but does Namjoon? Has he ever had anxiety or depression before?" She makes a fair point, he has never shared with me any mental health issues personally before. He is aware of it all, but it was obvious to me during the Ahnjong and Nari incidents that he didn't fully understand how depression can actually change a person. How your usual ability to think logically can be massively impaired meaning you act out of character and do things that are risky for your health and your relationships.

"Oh my god, it all makes sense now! The jealousy, the pushing me away, the self esteem issues, the increase in the naughty sex and now this. I think he might be depressed. Maybe becoming a father, the kidnap, the issues he is having with his family and the impending military service has just gotten to be too much for him. We need to get him help".

Lori smiles at me, lifts her cup and takes a sip of her tea. "You amaze me Aimee Iris Kim, this man has been unfaithful and yet you are still concerned about his mental wellbeing. I love how much you love him, and how you care about people in general, just please be careful for your hearts sake. We can do what is needed to get him help if he needs it, but please take your time to process this properly and not just jump back into the relationship straight away. It needs time, you both need to breathe". Sensible, definitely a Lori suggestion, she is so smart, always looking at the bigger picture.

"I know you are right, I'm not going to forgive him overnight but if he is suffering and needs help I want to make sure he gets that. If there is any underlying reasons to why he did this it might make it easier to get over" I say to her finishing my tea. I don't want anymore of the toast but the biscuits she brought up are calling my name. I grab the packet and open them up. They are little chocolate biscuits in the shape of pandas. They are really good.

"Shall we listen to the voicemail now?" She asks me tucking in to a biscuit herself. I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. I want to hear his voice, the words said with the true emotion behind them. Texts are just the words, you can never really feel them. "Ok let's do this". I load up the message and press play putting it on loudspeaker.

'Oh Namjoon, what is it? Please don't cry!'

'It's been a tough few months and I don't think I've processed it all properly'

'You have had it tough'

'Someone should be taking better care of you'

'I can make you feel good'

'Fuck Aimee'

'Get off of me'

'Fuck, fuck, what have I done?'

'Namjoon leave her, it's too late now, she saw us'

'This was a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life'

'What's wrong with Aimee?'

'Aimee let me explain'

'No Namjoon, not now, you need to go, you can't explain this away'

'Fuck off Namjoon, go in there and explain to everyone what you have done! Leave Aimee alone, she is in shock, she needs some time'

The phone must have disconnected at that point. I honestly thought the voicemail was going to be him trying to apologise, I didn't for the life of me expect it to be a pocket dial during! I feel sick again, but this time because that woman clearly took advantage of him in a vulnerable state. I know he didn't have to go with it but she used his despair for her own gain.

Lori's face is white, she looks as stunned as me. We both sit there for a few minutes, not talking. I wonder if he knows the whole sordid affair has been recorded and sent to me! You couldn't make this shit up. I wonder what I would have heard if I hadn't of been there and interrupted them. The thoughts and images that enter my minds eye are sickening.

"Jesus Aimee, that was harrowing" she says eating another biscuit.