Memory 5 | A Silent Scream

RAVI'S POV :

♫ "My heart was limping and this is the end of the road

After making that decision and taking a breath

I let out a deep sigh

I rip her up from inside my heart

As I let out a silent scream

I'm erasing the after images that are floating around

Burning up the remaining memories up to the sky, burn

I don't want to let go of myself

I don't want to ruin myself anymore

Memories that aren't ending even when it's over

I have no confidence to win over it..." ♫

As though displaying my heart into words, every single line emerged perfectly and painfully with the beat. Memories and emotions that I suppressed while singing that song kept reaching out and retreating consecutively like the endless march of waves in the ocean. Even if I had no more confidence in myself, even if I kept burning her picture in the back of my head, her memories just don't seem to be ending even when it's all over.

The verses that always haunted me kept replaying in my head as I simply sat there listening to Jyani hyung play my nostalgia anthem on repeat mode while N hyung and Hyuk went on with their unending updates about this girl from States. I was amazed by the depth of the first impression she left on them because they met her one single day ago and she's all they have been talking about since then.

"Hyung, Gia noona is also a fan of Shinchan. She said that she even has Shinchan pyjamas."

"Yah! She's not the only girl who would like Shinchan. He's a famous character, worldwide. Plus, why would she even tell you about her pyjamas? Wasn't that the first time that you met her?"

Our youngest brother simply shrugged with a proud smirk that indicated the obvious fact. He had always loved showing off his friendliness and immense ability to make friends in a very short time. Meanwhile, I rarely stepped out of my studio and perhaps, that was also a reason behind my seriously small circle of friends. Apart from VIXX and the artists that I've collaborated with, there aren't that many people who knew me well enough either.

To be honest, all of us in the group were well aware of the deliberate reasons behind my preference for solitary. Firstly, I'm an amateur in social life because I suck at casual chats and I don't really talk more than what's necessary. And secondly, due to unpleasant past experiences, I have apparently become thanatophobic. Yes, I'm afraid of growing close to people because I'm even more afraid of losing them sooner or later. So, basically the only person I can claim as my best friend was Hongbin and that's just about it.

"Keuchi? We only met her a day ago, didn't we?" N hyung was somewhat pondering over his own words while I waited for him to finish because he looked as though he was trying to recall something and from his expression, I assumed it to be serious. Suddenly, his eyes lit up as a sign of both enlightenment and extreme shock as he rushed over to the seat beside me.

"What now, hyung? Did you miss any details about your new Miss America?"

Although I didn't actually mean to sound bitter, I was still hurt by the amount of attention they were giving this girl. And knowing that she'd be following us on our Japan tour, made me feel more anxious because even Jyani hyung seemed to have liked her already and that fact alone bothered me. N hyung shook his head fiercely as he wore his serious face before saying what shocked him.

"At first, I didn't really pay much attention to this but then it became more obvious as I contemplated over it-," a frown appeared on his forehead as he held my arm, ".-Wonshik-ah, Gia looked exactly like her!" He seemed amazed by his own statement whereas I was still in the dark due to the lack of information he offered.

"Her? Who's this her you're talking about, hyung?"

"Yah! I meant her, that girl you described in our 'Say U Say Me' song. Long straight hair? Miniskirt? Heels?"

He was looking at me expectantly while I was simply left speechless. There were many girls who could fulfil all those features in South Korea and here our oldest brother and leader was being surprised by one from America. Moreover, those lines were the result of my own imagination about Mira and how she would have grown up. If she was still here.

"Hyung, don't be ridiculous, please? We've seen many girls in miniskirts and heels. Even the female dancers of that song wore the very same attire during our concerts."

"Aniya! You know I wouldn't simply say stuff like this. When I saw her, your lines were the first thing that hit me. Not just the ones from the song, but the detailed ones that you excluded. Wonshik-ah, Kang Gia was wearing these bright red heels with a checkered miniskirt and she had this seriously sweet but nervous smile. Does this still not ring a damned bell in your head?"

This time, he successfully got my undivided attention. N hyung was the only one with whom I'd discuss my lyrics before finalizing, so he'd usually know every progress from draft till final recording. And for that particular song, I cancelled those too detailed lines myself, because they were an obvious reflection of my own mind. Obvious imaginations about a girl, whom I'll never get to know.

However, there was no way possible for such intense coincidence to occur unless she shared a similar fashion sense with me or she was the very girl who wanted to wear them in the first place, which sounded still as ridiculous as before. As I was about to debate more about this, I heard Hyuk exclaim in excitation catching both N hyung's and my attention.

I turned around to a harrowing sight that I'd never dared to even dream about. The moment I met those eyes that kept me awake through endless nights, I felt my heart explode in my chest as I stood there frozen like a statue. My entire body began to tremble in shock while my deepest emotions choked me to overwhelming tears I didn't even know I was holding back.

I closed my eyes tight in a pathetic attempt of shutting off the torment of my most tragic memory which I was suffering at the moment. It was way too unbearable to the point I began praying for it to end like my nightmares when I opened my eyes again. However, I found myself still paused at that very moment as I braced myself to glance at the surreal girl standing before me.

In cue, my nostalgia anthem reached the verse I never thought would ever come true, while she walked over to me like the dream I believed she would be.

♫ "I saw you again, I cried...

Something went terribly wrong

My heart is still remembering

Everything was the same

There's nowhere to run from you..." ♫

"Annyeong, Ravi-shi. We've finally met. I'm Kang Gia and I'm very happy to meet you."

The sound of her ever so calming voice that I haven't heard for five long years, broke all my will to stay alive. It wrecked me to realize how I've almost forgotten the serenity of her soothing voice. Right then, she painted a thousand rainbows as she smiled, and that shattered me into a million wretched pieces. My already broken heart felt completely smashed to ashes as I looked into those beautiful eyes that I thought I'd only get to see again in the afterlife.

I felt myself suffer the same poignant pain from five years ago as I let out a silent scream of sorrow.

"There's nowhere to run from you..." I whispered to myself.

"Yah... Why are you ignoring her hand? Wonshik-ah, greet Gia properly will you?"

N hyung forced a smile through his gritted teeth when I finally noticed her delicate hand that was extended out for me. Although I was dying to feel her touch again, I was suddenly reminded of all the fears that have been haunting me every single day. I knew very well that if I hold onto her hand, it will hurt but if I let her go after that, it will hurt even more and I wasn't ready to suffer that pain again.

Right then, she was looking at me with all kinds of unreadable expressions. Everything except that one thing that I had in my eyes.

Remembrance.

Unable to hold back my miserable emotions anymore, I ignored her hand and bowed instead, as my last attempt at hiding the emotional outbreak.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back in a while..." With that, I rushed past every single person in that waiting lounge and ran as fast and far as I could while the remorseful tears began to pour like rain.

She's here.

Choi Mira is here...

★

GIA'S POV :

As expected I was greeted with warm welcomes by the VIXX members when I entered the waiting lounge of Incheon International Airport. The entrance was once again crowded with fans and I immediately recalled the same banners and light sticks from the day I arrived. Although I was very excited to work with these boys, I was still a little disappointed because my chances of finding him have narrowed down with the scope of my thesis. However, I decided to follow the flow and work well on my thesis while I'm at it and leave the rest to time.

I came here to find the person who held the key to my past, and I'll make sure I do that by all means.

"Noona! Waseoyo? We've been waiting for you." The giant maknae towered over me as he exclaimed in joy once I stepped in. "Now come on, let me introduce you to VIXX's legendary rapper and our beloved brother, Ravi hyung."

Hyuk stepped aside allowing me the view of their rapper whom I haven't met yet and my heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds at the first sight of him. It felt as though the whole world had gone blank and that song with a painful beat which was blaring in the room became the only background music. As if I was in a music video.

The tall man dressed up in all black from top to bottom was staring at me with reddened eyes. And I found myself hoping that he wouldn't be the one Hyuk was talking about. The unrest of my heart was too unbearable that I even feared collapsing from the pressure. I had no idea why but the moment I met his melancholic eyes, I felt a cold shiver spread in my spine. His gaze held such intensity that I couldn't even avert mine from his. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I slowly walked towards him.

The closer I got, the more anxious I became. Suddenly, he closed his eyes tight, as though shutting the doors to his heart that I was unknowingly walking towards while I held his gaze earlier. He also looked troubled because I noticed his delicate lips tremble as he tried to shake off whatever nightmare that was haunting him. There was a permanent frown across his flawless forehead as his perfect jawline twitched and turned in tension.

With no logical reason, a part of me wanted to run to him and embrace the anxiousness off. Whereas another part of me wanted to run the opposite way, to save myself from my own agitation. After what felt like forever, he finally opened his breathtaking eyes and they caught my breath effortlessly once again. I reached right in front of him while he bored deep into my eyes, searching for something I didn't quite apprehend.

Around him, I felt an oddly familiar aura radiate strongly and that terrified me more. My subconscious was poking me restlessly, urging me to make him talk. So, I finally gathered my guts to speak first.

"Annyeong, Ravi-shi. We've finally met. I'm Kang Gia and I'm very happy to meet you."

I took a deep breath to stop the trembling of my hand before extending it out to him while I pretended to be unaffected by his penetrating gaze. Unknowingly, I was yearning for him to take my hand with no relevant reason but his eyes never left mine as he whispered something under his breath. Hakyeon oppa stepped in and nudged the man lightly, as he spoke.

"Yah... Why are you ignoring her hand? Wonshik-ah, greet Gia properly, will you?"

In the pounding silence between those piercing moments, I couldn't help but concentrate on the song playing in the background. I felt my emotions pile up and reach the highest peaks along with the tempo of the tune. Just then, he broke our eye contact again and bowed hurriedly.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back in a while..." And then he gushed out of the room like a rugged wind while I froze in shock at the sound of his rough voice.

His voice...

His deep but dangerously delicate voice stopped everything around me. And the way it broke devastatingly at the end simply reassured my thriving instinct. Right away, I grasped onto that unbelievable reality that just slammed straight onto my soul as it became clearer. Just then, the painful lyrics of the song in the background finally became audible to my frozen senses.

♫ "Everything was the same

There's nowhere to run from you

If I hold onto you, it hurts

But if I let you go, it hurts even more

This place is deeper than a dream inside a dream

I have no confidence to escape from it..." ♫

That place where I have been every day for the past five years. That person who was deeper than a dream inside a dream was no more a dream. I realized that I'd just found that person who holds the key to my past, but instead of feeling happy, I felt my heart breaking in fear as it began hurting like hell. I screamed in silence as I finally reached my senses due to the sharp sting of reality.

I have found him.

And there was simply nowhere left to run from him.

★★★★★★

| Title's Song ~ Error (VIXX - ERROR) |