The dream

Nyxie suddenly jerked to life, jumping into a seated position under the comforter of her bed. Looking around anxiously, she pushed the switch of the fairy lights on her wall and curled her knees up to her chest, hugging them, mildly horrified. Every time she blinked, the image came back. Every time she tried not to think about it, the picture suddenly reflected in her mind stronger than before. But for whatever reason it was, she pressed her eyes shut to see her again, even if hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

The girl was breathtakingly beautiful. Her tan skin and black curly hair looked amazingly soft and smooth, the plump lips just asking to be kissed, her curvy body snuggled up with a duvet between her legs, only an oversized t-shirt and underwear pulled on it. She seemed so in peace, so warm—so incredibly comfortable. Nyxie wished she were cuddling the girl right this moment, wished she could lie next to her, just to touch and admire the angelic form.

The alarm clock her soulmate had set rang at eight, and by nature, the girl had thought it was early for her as well. It wasn't. The sun was shining through the slightly parted blinds, which made the blonde lean up and turn off the lights on her wall that she had automatically set earlier. Swallowing the small choking voices her throat was making, she wiped her tears but kept the position.

All those years of pretending... All those years of listening to her parents say horrible things about gays, of biting her tongue in order not to scream at them, of trying to convince herself she liked her boyfriends, of trying to force herself to feel good in bed with a guy... All those years didn't matter anymore. Her soulmate was a girl—something she was terrified of. She had hoped a few years back that maybe she was bisexual or pansexual or polysexual (a term Nyxie had discovered when doing some research about the whole community), and that maybe she was attracted to men as well. She had hoped the truth would never come out, that she wouldn't have to tell anyone about her desires—about her real self—if her soulmate was a guy.

But no.

When her breathing had turned back to regular, Nyxie sighed to herself and lay back on the bed. Her eyes blankly stared at the plain ceiling, trying to figure out what to do or say now. But, as minutes ticked by, it became clearer and clearer that her brain wasn't in that kind of state at the moment. She couldn't pull her thoughts away from the girl in her dreams.

There was something exotic about her. She couldn't have been fully American; she had to be a Latina or at least have family links at someplace similar. She probably was slightly older than the blonde, or at least that's what Nyxie thought, taking into count the number of takeout boxes laying around the bed. If their parents were alike even the slightest and she was still living with them, the carton boxes wouldn't have been scattered all over the place.

Nyxie thought about what she could be like, in real life. And while she hadn't seen her eyes or her body in full view, she found herself wondering more about her personality and the way she acted. Was she out of the closet? Was her family acceptive of her? Was she goofy and intelligent? Did she have the same taste in music? Did she consider books better than movies? And most of all, had she dreamed of her, or if not, then what?

There was a slight knocking on her door. Her mother didn't wait for an answer and pushed it ajar, peeking into the room to see if the girl was awake. When their eyes met, the woman must have sensed some emotions in her daughter's, or at least that was what Nyxie thought until her mother stepped inside with a smile and shut the door behind her.

"Mom," she mumbled, making the woman stop moving abruptly. "I don't wanna talk about it right now. Can I be alone for a while?" The girl was leaning onto her forearms to face her normally.

Narrowing her eyes a bit, her mother frowned. "Is everything alright, honey? Was it someone you know?"

"No one," she breathed, "that I know. Can you please leave me alone? I'll be down for lunch..."

"Did the boy only wake up now? Was it day or night for him? That way we can see if he's close or not." Her mother was wearing a small frown while rambling. "He was older than you, right? That means he has already seen you—"

"Mom!" Nyxie shouted, tears pricking in her eyes again. "Who cares? Just leave me alone and go away!"

That wasn't the reaction the older woman had been waiting for, but she knew from her personal experience that the dreams felt exciting and weird at the beginning, and understood she needed some time to process it all. "Alright. But be down for lunch, sweetie."

With a nod from the girl, she left, and Nyxie buried her face in her hands, groaning into them before rolling over onto her stomach. She nuzzled her face in the pillow and wished to drown in the lack of air—to die right then and there. When in less than half an hour, she had fallen asleep again with no dreams accompanying this time, she didn't know if she should have been happy to get solid rest or devastated that the girl wasn't present in front of her eyes, as before.

#

Joining her family downstairs wasn't a good idea. Nyxie had known it before while worrying about all sorts of questions she would have to answer, but as she sat down at the table, it became clear far more quickly. All four of her family members stared at the girl silently, as if they were waiting for her to speak up voluntarily. Even thinking about that made her want to hysterically laugh and wail at the same time, not understanding how the closest people to her in life still hadn't figured her out. She wasn't going to say anything until they asked.

Calming herself down with the silence, her eyes remained on the table, breathing lighter than before. Maybe it wasn't that bad? Her hand reached forward to start lifting some salad onto her plate, and there it was... Everyone seemed to come back to life the moment she moved and started shooting questions at her, much like in a thunderstorm of words—they hit her, and just a second after, the same person would yell out another one, and then another and another until nothing but a mixed mumble of voices could be heard.

Nyxie had decided upstairs under a cold shower that she would lie to her parents at first. It was probable that the girl had never dreamed of her, and that they weren't going to meet, which was sad, but right now thinking about it was the only thing that calmed her a bit. She was going to keep the truth from her family at least until she had met the girl, made sure she liked her, and then wait longer until there was something between them before bringing the topic up. But then, obviously, that period of being without her could have lasted years if not decades, so right now, Nyxie decided she could relax.

Amused at the way her family was getting fed up by her being an adult now, she let out a scream for fun which made them all shut up, utterly confused. Smiling with teeth, she said, "One by one, please."

Her father's questions seemed to conclude with did she know the guy and was he much older than her, because he wouldn't allow that to happen. Answering negatively to both of them, he seemed relaxed enough to give her a smile and crack one of his horrible 'dad jokes', making the girl giggle as always.

Her mother, though, had a lot more questions. Answering them all with some twists and turns, Nyxie made sure she would never use the pronouns 'she' and 'her', changing it to 'he' and 'him', sometimes catching herself right before practically stating that her soulmate was a girl.

It did make her a bit uncomfortable and mad that everyone seemed to think it was a boy, but then, she had never shown any signs of being attracted to girls, and they had never asked because a boy and a girl together was 'natural', and two people of the same gender supposedly weren't.

By the time her mom could shut up and start eating the now cold food, the boys were tired but excited. There weren't many questions they could ask anymore, since Nyxie had no idea who the person she had dreamed of really was, which made the boys ask if he was handsome.

"Yeah, definitely my taste," she said, smiling at her plate when taking her first bite from the delicious food.

The twins started teasing her about the look on her face, but the girl's mind wandered off somewhere—something that she didn't let happen very often—thinking about the beauty in her dreams. She was terrified about what her family would say after the truth came out, and thought about all possible options, only to get cut off by her phone buzzing on the table.

She sighed at the contact 'nana' on her screen and answered it right there, behind the table, to have more time to eat. Her grandma congratulated her on having a soulmate and turning eighteen, and then the same kind of questions were asked, making the teenager sigh as she answered them again, this time talking way louder than before.