Goodbye

The summer went by in a haze. Most of Nyxie's life included babysitting her brothers, sleeping, and either throwing away, packing or donating her things. The obsession with the girl in her dreams—Garciela, as she had learned—only grew with every day, minute, and second that she breathed. She wouldn't step out of her head, and Nyxie was super annoyed that she couldn't even pronounce her name correctly.

Everything had been building up during the summer. Every emotion, thought and wish she owned, were suffocating her mind and body. The girl had never liked sport; even when she had been a cheerleader for the last two years, she had hated running and everything that included working out. But, to get her head clearer every day, she had started going on morning runs and taking cold showers afterward, which helped her think about the whole situation and analyze her problems in peace.

"You're hurting me," she mumbled to Pony, playing with her while sitting on the floor of her half-empty room, boxes with different labels laying all around her.

The cat yowled, patting the girl's face, claws still pushed out. Nyxie winced and lifted her off her lap, onto the ground. "If you're being mean again, you can go." Her eyes stayed on the fat black animal who brushed herself against her bare knee now, purring to herself.

She rolled her eyes and brought her back into her arms. "Be good," she whispered and the cat nuzzled her head under Nyxie's chin. "Love you too," she murmured.

Soon after, Pony had wandered off somewhere, probably to the backyard to chase some birds, and the girl lay on her bed, eyes unfocused while staring at the ceiling. Her fingers were fiddling with the light silver bracelet on her wrist. The night before, she had dreamed of Garciela touching it while cuddling in a bed.

She had gotten to know the girl a lot better by now. Of course, she had never had the possibility to shoot towards her all the questions that she had wanted to ask, but still, she was starting to understand what kind of person her soulmate was. If she wasn't wrong, Nyxie was almost certain that the girl loved reading and singing.

Once she had seen a dream of her in bed while Garciela was dancing around the room in an oversized men's shirt, cleaning the apartment. The two always had conversations. They were light and easy, and the more she saw them, the more she wished it would be real. Soon, she would need to leave a message to the girl somehow if they weren't going to meet naturally, to let her know where she was and where they could see each other. Nyxie knew there was the possibility she would never meet her, but at least it was worth a try.

#

"Hey babe," Nyxie greeted, closing the door behind herself.

"Hey." The girl looked at her from the mirror that she was using for her makeup, sitting in front of it, crossed-legged. "How did it go?"

"Good," she smiled softly, placing her backpack on the ground next to her shoes. Garciela's attention was back on herself, making sure her eyeliner wouldn't mess up the whole beautiful look she had made. "I think I'll pass it."

The black-haired woman rolled her eyes with a smile, focusing them on her girlfriend whose face was reflecting a bit of worry and nervousness. "You and me both know you'll pass it with the maximum grade. Stop worrying, you studied for it a lot, it's the last test you took for your bachelor's. You did just as well as you could."

Nyxie smiled at the speech and walked to the girl, sitting behind her on the floor and wrapping her arms into her waist, nose nuzzling into her neck. "Nay," Garciela laughed, lowering the makeup product in her hand. She didn't move, hugging the shorter girl and not even planning to let go.

"Do we have to go?" she mumbled instead. "Can't we just watch a movie and snuggle on the couch?"

"No, we cannot," the older girl stated. "We're going to this party whether you like it or not. So, you can go and get ready."

Nyxie sighed against her neck and stayed in her place, shaking her head a bit. "I wanna stay home."

"Nay, baby..." Garciela moved her hand up to the girl's cheek, shuffling to turn herself around to face her girlfriend. They grinned at each other when Nyxie was forced to let go, eyes meeting, hers lazily closed. "Tired?" the older girl chuckled.

"Incredibly," she groaned as an answer and lowered her forehead against the brunette's. "Stay at home?" Her arms moved to rest around Garciela's neck loosely, touching her nose to hers. "Please, Gracie?"

The older girl narrowed her eyes, both of them smiling, not minding that idea either suddenly. "So that you could sleep?"

"Yeah... And cuddle. And eat. And cuddle more."

The blonde smiled sheepishly when she laughed at her. "Fine," Garciela gave up. "But I want a vanilla chocolate chip ice cream for that and I don't care where you will have to go to get that."

"Have it," Nyxie said excitedly, pressing her lips to the girl's for a moment before getting up and hurrying back to her bag. She pulled out two tubs of ice cream; the one her girlfriend always asked for, and a strawberry-cookie dough one for herself.

Garciela smirked at her. "You just have those sitting around in there?"

The blonde giggled while placing them into the freezer. "I kind of planned on it..." She gave her a toothy smile—something that always made both of them laugh. It made her look so young and childish. As if she were in her early teens but still hadn't figured out how the whole teenage thing worked, needing to get help from the childish manners that were still left in her.

Gracie couldn't be mad too long and rolled her eyes instead. "You're so cute," she said under her breath. "Fine. Go get into your pajamas while I take the makeup off."

Nyxie met her halfway to the bathroom, placing her hands on the older girl's waist with a gentle smile lingering on her lips. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to go."

"It's okay," the girl said, looking genuine. She raised her hand and placed it on the blonde's cheek. "As long as we can cuddle and you'll give me one of the big hoodies you love so much."

Nyxie chuckled, nodding, and leaned into the kiss both of them were anticipating already. "Love you," she whispered, bouncing off to their bedroom, a big smile on her face.

"Love you too," Garciela chuckled, knowing she wouldn't hear it, but simply wanting to state it out aloud. She moved to the bathroom, sighing to herself before scrubbing off all the makeup she had wasted for the occasion. Never admitting it to herself, she was a bit happy that they could stay home—just the two of them together. Lately, Nyxie had been so busy with all the studying, they hadn't really had time to do the girlfriend slash roommate things they loved to do so much. Cuddling, kissing... And sometimes more.

#

Saying goodbye to her family was hard, especially in these kinds of circumstances. Nyxie knew she wouldn't see them again until Thanksgiving, and she felt anxious to let go of her childhood, move out, and start her own life. Now, after last night's dream, she also was aware of the fact that she was going to meet Garciela in the next few years. She had no idea how early on, but now she knew they lived together while finishing college. She now knew the timestamp that their relationship could've had (because she was yet to dream of them together when they were older).

When the girl went through the gates of the airport, tears were pricking in her eyes. Of course, she knew that at first, she was going to be happy to stay away from her family for some time, but at that particular moment, she felt devastated and scared. Not knowing what could've faced her behind the corner wasn't a good feeling. She liked to be in control of her feelings and thoughts—something that lately didn't happen much.

Watching one of the old movies she had yet to see, the short period of waiting in the airport wasn't that bad, especially with the 50-s comedy she was watching, and before she knew it, she already got on the plane. It was late to take off as per usual but plugging in her earphones and closing her eyes when she was already in between the fluffy clouds felt nice.

It felt as if she had had a five-minute nap when the girl woke up. Frowning to herself, she rested her head against the window and pulled out her phone, only to find out she had been asleep for three hours. "Halfway through," she murmured just as one of the flight attendants pushed the cart closer to her row in the aisle.

They did the usual speech about what they wanted to eat and Nyxie made a mental note to thank her parents after the trip had ended for getting her a first-class ticket. She didn't have to pay for her snacks, and it was a relief that when she received them, only a quiet thank you was enough for the woman to move on. She didn't like talking to people. Especially strangers.

Crinkling her nose at the smell of the black coffee the older woman beside her was drinking, she dug into her pack of candy, resting her head against the window where it had previously been.

In a few minutes, it became clear to her that the man sitting two seats away gazed at her once in a while. And now that she wasn't looking at anyone, the guy's eyes weighed more than she would've liked.

Nyxie knew that normal people would have rolled their eyes and ignored him, or told him to stop staring, or even flirted with him, but she wasn't normal. That was clear to supposedly everyone. She couldn't lift her eyes from the pack of candy and her cheeks were turning slightly pink, which she didn't like either. It's not that she was blushing because she liked him back. It was because she was uncomfortable and embarrassed that she didn't dare to tell him to fuck off.

#

It was truly a blessing to live in a private apartment without a roommate in college. Knowing she was lucky, Nyxie was planning to at least look for a job like normal young adults did to pay their rent and all the costs in university. Her parents were paying for it all and hadn't even wanted for her to get a job, hoping that would help her get better grades and focus on studying. But, she had talked to them about it, and finally, after some arguments, they had agreed. Even if they hadn't, though, she would've done it anyway.

It was also a blessing that she could live near the beach. It was only a twenty-minute walk from her apartment to the shore of the water, and only a couple of minutes with a car (if she had owned one). The sand felt so relaxing and warm between her toes, and the fact that it was the ending of August wasn't present in her mind. Nor was the time.

Before the girl had noticed, she found herself looking at the stars above. The day had turned into a night faster than planned. It was three hours earlier than it was back home, and the boys had texted her goodnight about an hour ago, which had made her fall deep into her thoughts as she liked to do when being alone.

But her brain didn't stay on her family for long. She dreamed about the girl she kept seeing almost every night. Her body was slowly growing anxious with the thought that she could be literally anywhere, and Nyxie could miss it. The girl she had called Gracie in her dreams just last night could've been standing thirty feet away with her arms around someone else. She could've been one of the tourists that swam in the ocean in front of her.

All the thoughts were making her uneasy and jumpy, and in a few hours even when she found herself surrounded by complete silence, there was a storm brewing inside her chest.