Awkward...

I entered what seemed like a tense space. Anthony stood outside the room I assumed Macius was in and once he saw me it was as if he saw fire.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He whisper-yelled to me and I had no idea since I never went through the messages I just skimmed. "We have been calling you for hours. Did you even come to his party?"

"Yeah I was here."

"Then where the hell were you? He looked for you the whole night." He was being really expressive and it seemed like this wasn't just a normal issue. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you guys patched things up. He doesn't want to talk to me or doesn't respond. Just go in." I walk in to Macius lying on his couch while Riverdale plays at a low volume and his eyes are trained on the television.

"Hey." He glances at me but his eyes trace back to the tv and he plunges his hand into a container of assorted colored cereal.

"Lorel was right."

"What?"

"I don't expect much from you but I was really hurt yesterday."

"Because you didn't see me?"

"You didn't have to stick by me but I wanted to know visually you were there. Unlike everyone else my parents didn't show up to see me yesterday and I was glad at least you were there but it kinda feels right now you don't enjoy being around me and for a while it's been in the back or mind. It kinda hurts to be honest. I just wanted someone to come out for me. I was thinking maybe you would- you know… notice and I don't know… we go on a date? but that didn't happen. Instead I spent my evening with my teammates who were talking about what their parents said. It was so upsetting and I wish you were there." The crunch of the cereal he was munching on echoed through the room. The silence deafening awkwardness chewed at my insides. This just makes me feel worse. "Did you know I'm allergic to lemon? I tried one not too long ago."

"Wha-" Before I could begin to react Anthony busting in with an epipen and sticking it in his thigh. Macius stares at him through his bangs angrily.

"You weren't supposed to help me. Zayn was! What the fuck dude?!" He furiously shoves Anthony away from him as he stumbles out of the room towards the nearest bathroom barring both of us out.

"Now you know what he's like when things don't seem to go his way. He's gone further than this before. This is just the tip of the iceberg." Anthony says as he pulls himself up from the floor. "You're lucky he wasn't like what if we made a blood pack so you don't leave me. It's crazy. I'm the only person who sticks by him because I understand. If you don't get it. He gets attached pretty easily and it's already started. I was surprised he wasn't showing his true colors early on but here it is. Buckle up." Anthony pats me on the shoulder. "You should have left when I was being mean to you."

All I heard is he'd go to drastic measures to keep me around. Why do I attract people like that? Why can't I get someone who's normal from start to finish instead I get the seems okay but is a whole nut type. God why do you give the hard ones to me? Why can't my relationship be stress free? I sigh as I take in Anthony's info drop but take it with a grain of salt.

It's not like I wasn't planning on patching things with Macius when I arrived but this now changes things. Isn't he breaking his own rule?

"It's not like I'm breaking or bending the rules of our relationship. I'm not falling, I'm just clingy. That should be understandable. Are you being jealous of multiple people I see everyday breaking the rules? No, it's just your personality. The same goes for me." Well I guess it kinda answers my question but for some reason it still feels like bending the rules. Whole time, Anthony is sitting in the corner cleaning up the mess Macius made while shaking his head judgingly.

"Were you being mean to me to make me break up with him for this same reason or because you just don't like me?" I asked him after a while when Macius fell asleep because of some benadryl.

"Both duh.Everyone thinks I'm the problem but they don't all make it this far. I thought he changed a bit but his parents not showing up triggered this. I don't like you because everyone knows you and all I do is hear about you especially right now you may be getting media sympathy but sooner or later you're gonna be a huge fuck up and I can't wait for it. I'm kinda glad you and Macius have a private relationship so he isn't stringed with you." Yeah I was going to change my mind about this guy but after he said he wishing on my downfall all I wanna do is deck him in the face.

The next following days weren't hell but it was kinda overwhelming. When I said focus on me I didn't mean my every move. He was just ignoring others and asking me what I thought. I don't fucking know.

"This isn't what I meant. When I said I'm jealous I meant you should stop flirting with people or stop talking to them like you're trying to woo them, not all of this."

"So you don't want this?"

"No, you can talk to people but not in that really charming tone you know what I mean."

"Well if that would make you feel better."

Was I speaking to Lorel or Daniela again? Not currently. Daniela was avoiding me and Lorel just rolled her eyes in my presence. I'm just hating it here currently. Especially when it feels like Aaron was eye fucking me at times. He's by himself besides when Aubrey would be around him. I would lay my head on the table sometimes and I would catch his gaze and it's so hard to look away sometimes he annoys me so much. No I don't like him anymore it's hard to feel like that. I feel extremely guilty when I look at him. I wouldn't say anything to Macius but sometimes I really want to.

"I know something about you that you can't deny." Saintclair sing-songs as he passes by me in the hallway. I grab his wrist to stop him to which he raises an eyebrow. "Curious to know what it is?" I thought this guy was done with taunting me. I thought we were at some mutual understanding.

"Just tell me whatever it is that you think you know." I say thinking of every piece of information about myself.

"You know whatever I know is facts that can't be denied so don't be like that." he says snappishly. "Come with me." He motions for me to follow him down the hallway. "My insider says you have a little boyfriend. Care to comment." My eyes go wide for a second but I fix my expression.

"Speculation."

"I know my info is always legit." He huffs. "You're just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That it might come out. I wouldn't do that but my insider would."

"You wouldn't dare." I scowl.

"Like I said I wouldn't but the one who said it to me has loose lips." He shrugs as if to say it's out of his hands. "By the way you're reacting it's definitely real and if so good for you."

"You know frequently meeting up with someone doesn't mean you're dating."

"Yeah but it still means you formed a relationship and that's up to interpretation." I fucking hate the smirk he has spread across his face. One of these days I will rip off this guy's face. "Good luck, Zayn." He leaves me in the secluded hallway to figure out what the hell is happening. No one knows about my relationship besides myself, Lorel, Daniela and Anthony. Imagine it being my own working against me. I would die if it turns out one of them is sabotaging my life. I feel like that would be the point where everything falls apart. I would die.

Saintclair is making me regret giving a little leeway despite the shit he put me through because it's clear he still has plans against me then why would he come to me with this and thinly threaten me. Even if he was the one who told me it's time to dig myself out of the web of deceit, he is playing a hand in it. It makes me feel lonely and like I can't really have anyone in my life who I could truly just talk to.

Where do I start? Echoing in my head for the rest of the week is what Saintclair and his mysterious informant possibly know. I thought he said he turned over a new leaf, no more drama. He does seem to be taking journalism seriously from the photos I've seen published on the school website and social media pages but I guess you can't really break the habits of a gossip. It aggravates me that there are people watching my every move despite me not being important at all. Am I all that?