Chapter 3

How to act like a fool?

How can a sane person act as a mentally retarded person? Joker, I mean Mr. Joaquin Phoenix I need your help. Give me some tips! I love you man.

"Cazzo.*"

I bit my lip.

I was never that good at acting, but now I am forced to act.

Should I practice while the maids are not present? They will not hear me right, and say I am insane, right?

"Who am I kidding? Aren't 'I' a retard? Why should I be concerned if they think I'm an idiot?"

I am a knuckle-headed imbecile. Brain, please work your logic this time.

Let me reminisce all the memories I have watched of a foolish person. About everything, I can remember...

Hm.

"Hehehe..."

"Jun Xue? Who?— Oh yeah, I'm not Jun Xue anymore. I'm Li Jia Ying. Li Jia Ying."

Again.

"Li Jia Ying, flowers ah..."

I twirled and smiled dumbly.

"You can poo-poo pee-pee, but you cannot pee-pee poo-poo."

"..."

Does it make sense?

It makes sense!

But this world does not know the meaning behind it even if they try! Maybe scientifically but not the dirty joke! Kekeke.

Excluding the transmigrators.

I slapped my face.

"Come on, fight!"

I need to practice hard. Let us use Mr. Joaquin Phoenix as an inspiration for the tribulation I'll be encountering!

Hm. Let me try Joker's laugh. It was said that Mr. Phoenix has worked hard to produce those laughs in the movie. If I'd known earlier, I would have visited mental hospitals to know more about a retard's behavior even if this villainess is not 'that' worse.

Dang, I want a system that a character can relate to in life. A cheat. But nothing pops up. How saddening...

I cackled.

"Mm— haha... Hahaha... Ha... Haha... Hahaha...Ha—"

Ehem.

I choke on my saliva!

One more time!

"Ha."

"Haha...hahaha...haha...haha...hahahahah—"

Fudge. I massage my throat.

Let's try another act.

Ah! Harley Quinn's boyfriend. He is also Joker... Another Joker...

I closed my eyes.

You can do it, Xue...

You are only sane when no one sees you.

Right now, you need to practice your acting skills to get out of this demonic place. Act. Act. Act.

"Hahahaha!"

Wait, isn't that man more shameless?! Louder?!

Breath...

"Ahahahaha! Hahaha! Bahaha!"

No! Ugh! They are all madmen! Crazy! Why am I down to being a blackened retard?! I am just a retard!

Geez...

I sat down, grasping my hair.

Think...

Isn't Li Jia Ying just simply dumb? She's not 'that' mad...

"If only there was a mirror."

Then that could help me practice more effectively.

I need to do it wholeheartedly.

I imagined myself smiling dumbly and did so. Humming and slightly giggling. Retards do not care about grammar, right?

"Li Jia Ying likes play. Li Jia Ying likes father. Father is powerful. Li Jia Ying is a good girl."

This intrapersonal dialogue is so-so. Whatever, let's just continue.

Sigh.

This is what I get for only trying to watch Western dramas and action mangas with few face-slapping transmigrators instead of watching Chinese ancient dramas. I tilted my head, smiling brightly looking at nothing but the wall in a dazed expression. "Li Jia Ying likes this place. Ah! Father! Brothers! Sisters! Very pretty! Handsome!"

"No! Don't punish Li Jia Ying."

I tried to sob. Come on tears! Give my cheeks a loving caress!

"Li Jia Ying is not wrong! Not wrong! Li Jia Ying not lie! Lie? Hehe? Eat lie? Li Jia Ying? I'm Li Jia Ying? Hehehe."

Damn. You should have made me a mad psychopath!

"Oh?"

No, that seems to be normal my phonemes are too soft.

"Oh?"

Too deep, not good. "Ohoho?"

No! Not like how an evil villain says it! Maybe after I become sane enough.

"Oh? Eh? Ah? Hm. Ah? Eh? Iih? Oh? Uoh?"

"..."

"Ughhh."

I should just go, "Ora! Ora! Ora! Oraa!"

"Uwu~"

"Nani?"

"Ho?"

"Ara Ara."

"Baka."

"Yamete onii-chan~"

"Hame... hame... hahaha!"

-__-

"Arigato~"

"Nya!"

"Ichi ni san nya!"

"Arigato~"

"..."

"Bvtch."

This is frustrating! "Ah."

"You know what? I'll just say less. Just shut up and look dumb, or speak nonsense."

Maybe that will not be an issue, right? I just need to practice my facial expression and gesture.

I should get some sleep so my grumbling stomach will not forever growl. I'll just wait for midnight when all the maids are asleep since it was very obvious they gave me fewer maids, those that are rotten to their cores to serve me.

"Ha."

I've watched and read too many novels about changing fate, transmigrators that are strong and fight to overcome their death route and most were OOC (Out of Character) agenda. I am not that confident to do so. Moreover, I'm sure as dung this novel has transmigrators too! It's plural! And they don't get along. Should I be friends with them?

No way! This blood-dog drama is so overkill.

Those transmigrators keep so many achievements before they came here. I can't OOC or else they may be cautious of me, and building friendships. Nah. The lesser the better.

The only person who I could trust in this world is myself. I have always been a cynical pessimist even before I came here, and now is not the time for me to be optimistic about my situation. It is not always easy to defy your fate. Others can, but others like me do not have such courage. Don't have much stimulation. It needs to be triggered, if not, practiced and honed. One mistake, I'm doomed.

In all essence, I need to be over-the-top careful.

Transmigrating in a novel might be fun to others, but reality check: This place reeks of desolation, the unrepentant maids and to make the situation worse I'm not a sane person. I'm not the only modern person here, but there are three more!

I could not just say, 'I'm sane. Plebians, you dare disrespect your master? 100 slaps for you!' or something more flowery to say, yet deadly when the real meaning is understood. In my case, the maids would surely lash out at me. I have no backer. No skills like the FL who is an assassin.

Most importantly, wouldn't the other homies think I'm like them? This is not Disney where we will all live happily ever after! There will always be conflict. Bound to be deaths. This world is a playground for the strongest and a death trap for the weak. Moreover, I'm a lazy arse hikikomori girl who is an Otaku lover! I'm an introvert! The last thing I want is for someone to take notice of me!

"Ugh."

My home and my darkroom!

SACREBLEU!°

"..."

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*Cazzo is vulgar Italian for male reproductive organ [penis], used as well as an expression of disappointment as well as a marvel.

°Sacrebleu in French is damn it.