Confessions

I was lying in bed with my pillow soaking wet. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to you? I felt like screaming, but my pillow was too wet and disgusting to submerge my face in it again. I did nothing wrong. I swear.

After mom came back home, she went to sleep. I was supposed to wake her up at six to prepare dinner for the family, but I accidently slept too. So she woke up at seven instead. Dad arrived with my brothers at that god damned time. They woke her up, banging on the door.

I was sleeping in my bed peacefully, until Mom burst in screaming with her loud pitch voice. ''HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? You know how much your father hates to come home and wait for his food. It's your entire fault he's pissed off now…''

Her throat was shredding into pieces. I was half asleep I couldn't understand half of what she was saying. She was screaming in my face,'' Your irresponsible, uncoordinated, and I couldn't even depend on you to wake me up.''

The blood in veins boiled. I was still half asleep, but my bitchy disrespectful side woke up. That's it; I'm getting kicked out if she says one more sentence, it thought. Good for her, Mom continued to spill the boiling tea.

''You know what Mom, cut the shit,'' I yelled back at her. ''All you think of is your dumbass boys and your overweight husband. Don't you realize that I've been babysitting you for the past four years? Waking you up, making sandwiches, and listen to your nagging all the damn time. Did you ever think of me for a split second? What am I doing here all alone in the house for four freaking years from morning till noon? You don't and you know why, because you're no good to be my Mom. And now get out of my room before I completely lose it.'' I broke down in tears. She was staring at me from the door backing up slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, but I said in a weak voice engulfed with tears, ''Please, get out. I don't want to see you anymore.''

Dad was yelling something from the living room. I couldn't even hear, my ears were buzzing, and my eyes were flooding with tears. She stomped her sandals and slammed the door shut behind her.

Tears were streaming down my eyes, next to my nose, on my cheek, and then dripped from my chin. I screamed in my pillow. My heart was squeezing with pain. Every muscle in my body was shaking. I hardly breathed.

There was no oxygen in my room. My brain was screaming with my voice. I raised my head off the pillow and lay on my back. I was trembling. I could see the bed mattress shake from its corner. I pressed my hands to my ears trying to capsule my nerves. I couldn't feel my fingers. I could barely breathe. The room was getting smaller and darker.

My thoughts were feeding on my mind. Why doesn't she love me? I'm her only daughter, how could she be so careless? Why does she hate me? God, I wish I died today. I wish he never healed me. I wish I didn't pass that border. The bloody ass border made me feel weak, so I took a power nap. It turned out a hell nap. I wish I were dead. I wish I could die this moment.

My heart was getting too heavy on my chest. I lay on my back. My eyes were blurry. My body was still working as a vibrator. I tried to calm down but I couldn't. My mind was still screaming with thoughts of frustration. I inhaled and closed my eyes.

I heard screaming from the corridor. It was Mom and Dad arguing. I straightened up. The bed was soaking wet. Was I sweating this whole time? My head stroked with pain. I massaged it a little as the yelling continued. I think I blacked out. Words I screamed at Mom were flashing in my mind. I shouldn't have said that. But she definitely deserves it, I thought.

What should I do now? I'm definitely in trouble. Now they'll take my phone forever. Wait. My phone. I know where she's keeping it. If she grounds me forever then she'll definitely lock her room. Okay, no, I thought. I can't let this happen, I won't let her lock me away from the world anymore. ''Okay, Eleanor, ''I said in whispers. ''It's action time.''

I rose from my bed. It let out two little squeaks. I tiptoed toward the door. I pushed the handle slowly. The door cracked open and a blast of screaming voices blocked my ears.

''You shouldn't have let that happened,'' Dad screamed. '' This all happened because you wanted her in the first place!'' I shut my ears. My hands trembled. My body shivered. Every hair seemed to tingle. Focus, I thought. Ears shut; I tiptoed across the corridor to get to my parent's room.

I carefully pressed the golden handle. The door opened halfway. I squeezed myself in. The window was opened with the brown blinds loose. The king size bed was made. I crossed it and headed towards the closets.

I opened the brown drawer on the left. Under Dad's flannels the second row, I thought. I took out the phone. It was turned off. I quickly hid it under my armpit. I tiptoed to the door and peeked through the half opened door. No one was there. No yelling. Mom and Dad seemed to argue in whispers now.

I squeezed out the door and tiptoed to my room. I slowly closed the door behind me and ran to the bathroom. My bathroom had pink tiles, a white bathtub, a sink, and a large aesthetic mirror above the sink with a white frame. I opened the drawer under the sink and took out my charger. I plugged that in and hid it behind the white toilet.

I sat on the floor, and waited it to charge to one percent and turned it on. The phone vibrated in my hand giving me the chills. The usual text messages I had from friends and groups popped on the purple relaxing wallpaper. I scrolled down the notifications. An unknown number texted me, ''hey.''

Wait. Is that… is that him? Is it Alex? I opened the text and then checked the profile photo. I choked on my salvia.

He was smiling in a perfect golden hour sunset behind a white wall on a street. His brown curly hair was perfectly done. He was wearing black sweats and a black hoodie with black n white Jordans. Please, I thought, he is so cute. His jawline was sharp. I zoomed in on his face. He had no acne, or freckles, but he had a little dimple in the cover of his straight white teeth. His eyes were bright, but not shimmering as they did when he looked at me. Although I felt numb, but something sparked in my heart, like a burning amber in the ash. I texted him back.

We exchanged texts until he asked me out. Indirectly. Mans was making moves, I thought playfully, but my stupid ass decided to invite him over to my place. I wasn't thinking straight and as usual I did the wrong move.

What if he was a thief? What if… no… is going to try and…''No,'' I whispered. Fuck, I thought, I was too lonely that I invited a stranger over. Not any stranger a demigod with freaking powers.

It's just in the back yard. I tried to calm my nerves with that thought. I'll make us a cup of coffee and sit on the far end of the wooden bench away from his hot sculpture. Okay, I thought. That's what I'm going to do. I turned on silent mode, hid the phone, and stood up from the floor. My head was beating with pain.

I faced the mirror and stared at the person it reflected. Who are you? Where s that beautiful happy girl you used to show me? They turned me into a monster. I looked awful. My eyes were flaming red. Under that there were coal black circles. My skin was breaking out. Black pores were visible. My hair was a mess. It's like I've been electrocuted. I slammed down my hair, trying to fix it, but it was no use. I heard footsteps coming up from the living room.

I rushed into my room and jumped on my bed. I hugged my wet pillow and stared at the dresser. A picture of grandma on it, smiling with her eyes shimmering. Oh grandma, I miss you, so much. My eyes teared up. I heard the footsteps echoing.

Mom ambushed my room. ''You,'' she pointed at me. ''you're grounded for the rest of the summer. No friends, no phone, no going out, it's just you and these walls.''

I stared at her face casually,'' It's always been like that mom. Nothing new.''

''Don't talk back,'' she snapped. I chewed on my lip. She turned her back and thundered out of my room.

I screamed on my wet pillow with rage. For god's sake someone do something! I wish Alex would kidnap me tomorrow. I want to get out of this shit hole. God!

Tears dripped from my eyes. 'No,'' I whispered ''No, not again.'' I inhaled. I threw my pillow and the wet sheet on the ground and I lay on the itchy mattress. My stomach grumbled. I didn't eat anything since breakfast. I closed my eyes and squeezed my stomach. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. My heart was beating in my brain. I counted the beats until I fell asleep.