Chapter 15

Looking back at the life I have been living I realized that I have not been living for the past 10 years or so. I have been acting my way towards adulthood.

You know what I am afraid of?

I am afraid that one day I am going to wake up and not remember who the hell I am. It is getting there though, things start off slowly and then before you know it, it's bigger than the whole galaxy.

My memory problem started 2 years ago. However it was not something big or alarming. It was forgetting where I put my umbrella yesterday then it turned to what happened yesterday.

I find it hard that I will forget the events that took place today. I do not believe that I will even sleep.

The flash backs help me though.

I never really have dreams when I sleep. It is always a memory of past events. The memories that I will cherish till the day I die.

I feel so helpless most times about the characters I played throughout my life. I should get paid for this, I really should but now I am questioning it.

How did they recognize me so easily?

I feel sick.

The logical thing was to ask them, but nothing came out. I sat there looking at them like the dumb girl I am. I just could not process what was going on at the moment.

One thing is for sure though. When my mother finds out, who knows what will happen.

She could run away with me again, problem solved. The problem is though, what are we really running away from? Reality?

Well to know that we have never been cought, till now of course, is a big flex on my mother's part. She must be really proud. She could very well qualify as a certified runner, I am not even kidding she once ran after a taxi in heels.

Even though I should be happy that I will get to see my sister in a week or so, I am dreading that moment.

How will I even face her?... I do not have to though, I can just run out off here and go tell my mother about all this and we can run away again.

But how long are we willing to run away from the truth, this has gone on for way too long and as I said a million times before... I AM TIRED.

Florin placed a cup of tea infront of me and took her place on the seat infront of me. Steam rouse from the hot liquid inside, a warning to me as to not burn my tongue when I want to take a sip.

"Are you okay dear?" Florin asked proceeding on to take a sip from her cup.

"I have a question." I stated wanting to voice out one of the questions that has been buzzing in my head since Jayden and Florin dropped a shock boom on me. The very same Jayden that stood up moments after to go 'handle some things'.

"Ask away dear." She said giving me her full undivided attention.

"How did you recognize me?" I finally voiced out. I shifted on my seat -mentally preparing myself for what she is going to say- so I could be comfortable.

"You do not look different. Changing your hair color and placing in those things in your eyes does not really change the way that you look. No matter how much you think you have changed." She said with a sad smile.

You remember when I said that we do not own any mirrors at home? Yeah well my mother though it was very unnecessary considering the condition that I have she thought it would be best to not see how I look like and if I did I would remember a curtain look that really isn't me. I did not question her though, like how I do not question a lot of things. Now I have another question

why does my mother make us change if I look the same with whatever I do?

The feeling of feeling lost is nothing compared to what I am feeling right now.

The worst part is that I do not even know how I look like. I do not remember how I looked like.

I looked at Florin and gave her a slight nod in response to everything she said. That is the only thing I can think of doing but I had to ask another thing.

Something.

"Do I still look like her?" I asked her looking at the liquid that danced as I stared it with my index finger -rude, I know-. At this point the tea has cooled off.

"Yes, but she does not hide herself behind a fake identity." She said.

Those words hurt. I could literally feel a stab in my lung, blood filling into them making me suffocate.

Words could not come out of my mouth and I settled on staying quiet. She was analyzing my every move right now and I felt uncomfortable under her gaze.

Tell me how I got into this situation.

"You know, I think I know why you hide under that... thing." She said pointing at my hair specifically.

The thing is, being a black girl with long straight hair is as weird as it gets.

When we were younger ( me and my sister) people always thought it was strange how we could have the same hair type as our mother and not our father.

Instead of a curly afro, we got frizzy long hazel hair... but if it is treated correctly it is not frizzy. However we got our fathers creamy glow. Even though my sister is an inch taller than me I guess she will be 5'3" by now as I am an inch shorter.

"Your mother is trying to make you look different so that when she looks at you she would not see Andersen. How weak could your mother be. I thought she could own up to the outcomes of her choices, I was wrong." She continued on with a little chuckle at the end.

She was getting angry as ever word escaped her lips but the anger was not directed towards me, I think it was towards my mother. As quickly as the emotion invaded her speech it left and was replaced with guilt as she looked into my eyes.

I still could not say anything. What can I say though, it is not like I have something to say so I will stay quiet and let her say what she wants to say. Maybe it will help her remove some of the stress she has seemed to have carried all these years

"Alex." She said.

I hesitated for a moment before I realized that she was indeed addressing me... by my real name.

"Yes." I responded quietly.

"What did you remember happening the day before you and your mother left?" She asked me.

I closed my eyes for some seconds trying to recall the events that took place on that day.

"Andersen and I were planning around the house and I stumbled upon a door in our fathers office. I remember us laughing until we heard voices behind the door and I opened it..." I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. "They said that me and my sister can open some safe with our fingerprints..." A tear slipped down my cheek as I remembered what followed after we heard the voices in the room.

"Then what happened? Why did you leave?" She pressed.

"They dragged her in and she... they... " I chocked on my words. Then everything in my vision blared.

How can I say this... how could I even think about it after so many years.

After I tried so hard to bury the pain.

"They did what Alex?"

"Answer me."

My heart rate increased and my breath went shallow.

"Alex!"

My head buzzed with the screams that took place that day.

"Answer me!" She yelled standing up knocking off the long forgotten tea cup infront of her, the liquid spilling on the cloth that was on the table.

"They raped us." I finally voiced out the truth that I badly wanted to forget.