Gratitude - Volume 2

(One week later)

The weather was just as gray as Natsuo's mood when Kyoko's funeral was held. He wanted Kyoko's grave to be a place of peace and solace for her, so he chose a spot far away from her family and twin brother. The grave would be planted with an apple tree that bloomed with fresh apples every year in her memory.

This time he had company instead of being alone in the same cemetery where Ayumi was buried. Hide and Rei stood beside him as they watched Kyoko's freshly carved tombstone, and even Saika had managed to free her schedule to attend. They were there for him in his time of sorrow, showing him that this time he was not by himself in his grief.

"Remember that my invitation stands. You are welcome to stay with us," Saika told Natsuo after the formalities were completed.

"I will stay at the motel, but I appreciate that," Natsuo replied, knowing that he had to stay close to the hospital and be there for Jiro in case something happened. He had been twice in the operation room that week: his first operation was an elective procedure to fix a vertebral fracture, and his second was emergency surgery when doctors discovered blood had oozed into the brain tissue from a small vein.

"You can always call me if you need anything," Saika reminded him, adding it was a pleasure to meet Rei and Hide before leaving the chilly graveyard.

"Are you sure you don't need us to stay?" Rei asked hesitantly.

"I'm sure. Thanks," Natsuo said. He had agreed with their teacher to do his studies from a distance as he didn't have a problem with his grades. The two had skipped enough classes to stay with him.

"Okay. Will you walk with us?" Rei asked as she nodded towards the gates, but Natsuo shook his head, wanting to visit a couple more graves before returning to the motel.

Having said their goodbyes, Natsuo put a hood on his face to hide his gloomy look and dark eye bags. The sound of rapid footsteps followed him, and he was grasped by a pair of long hands before realizing who approached him.

"Whatever happens, I will always be there for you," Hide said, squeezing Natsuo tightly from behind.

Natsuo was overwhelmed by the unexpected embrace, but at the same time he felt strangely comforted and exposed in his intimate presence. Jiro was the only man that had ever hugged Natsuo so closely and his emotions were stirred by Hide's gesture, making his cheeks flush as their bodies were pressed together.

"T-thanks... for everything..." Natsuo murmured while touching Hide's arm with his hand, feeling too shy to look directly at him.

Hide's lips lifted into a gentle smile and he gently brushed his cold fingers against Natsuo's black clothes as he stepped back.

"You're welcome," he whispered.

(Almost two weeks later)

"Thank you for your trouble," Natsuo said to the owner of the motel where he had been staying. She was an elderly woman, with a hunched back and swollen fingers caused by severe rheumatism.

"It was no trouble at all, dear. You're sure you're okay eating this every night?" She asked in a worried voice.

"I'm fine," Natsuo replied as she carefully poured heated water into his cup of noodles, continuing the ritual that had become a part of their nightly routine.

She was always at the motel, behind her cluttered cash register and serving her rather scruffy customers. Her frail stature disguised the strength of her spirit, as she served with a pleasant smile and unwavering dedication to every client that walked through the squeaky door.

"It's been a pleasure having you as a customer here for so long," she said as she settled her kettle down at her messy, dimly lighted reception desk.

"But do you mind if I ask, where is your family?"

"In the hospital," Natsuo answered quickly.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry."

Natsuo was about to return to his room after wishing her good night, he heard a timid voice asking for advice.

A tiny-looking child with long pigtails on her head lifted her school book towards the elderly woman, repeating that she needed help.

"Dear, you know that grandmother can't see that tiny text..."

"I can help you," Natsuo said, looking at the second-year math book she was holding.

The girl's cheeks turned a slight pink as she looked away.

"I'm an expert when it comes to reading small fonts. I also know math pretty well," he added reassuringly trying to lighten up the mood, making the girl's lips twist into a shy smile.

(One day later)

Natsuo sat on the floor of his room, engrossed in his textbooks, listening to music through headphones and trying to pass the time. The daily grind of classwork was the only thing that could keep his mind somehow away from Jiro's situation, even though he had been relatively stable for quite some time.

A gentle knock at the door made Natsuo think he was experiencing delusions again.

"Dear? I'm sorry to bother you," the owner said in her soft voice in the hallway.

The elderly woman stood behind Natsuo's door, holding a bowl of homemade noodles with slightly trembling hands.

"Thank you for helping my granddaughter yesterday. Dinner tonight is on me, so to speak," she said with her wrinkled face glowing with a warm smile.

"It wasn't any problem at all," Natsuo answered in surprise and thanked her as he accepted the big bowl of soba with chunks of vegetables on it. The aroma of the home-made meal brought calm and comfort to his chaotic reality after living on instant ramen and convenience store bentos.

"Don't overwork yourself," she continued with a smile, as she handed him a pair of chopsticks.

His eyes glanced at the inflamed joints in her aged fingers as he grasped the wooden sticks.

"What about you? Have you ever taken a day off?"

She smiled weakly, shaking her head.

"No, it's always been too busy. And it's just me anyway," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Natsuo stayed to watch for a moment as she started to descend the narrow and creaking staircase with trouble, feeling an undeniable sense of compassion as she continued down her stumbling steps.

(Two days later)

"Mmh..."

Natsuo moaned as Jiro's lips moved over his ribs, gently kissing his skin as his soft hands cupped his waist. He had never kissed him on that spot, and it was surprisingly satisfying as it sent a pleasant tingle through his veins that he had never experienced before.

"You seem to enjoy this," Jiro smirked as his mouth became restless, his moist lips tracing his fiancé's body contours. His fingers moved in harmony, following the same delicate lines his tongue had created seconds earlier.

Natsuo was enthralled by his touch, and his muffled sighs filled the air as his heart raced with anticipation. He breathed out a single, deep shudder as his desire rose, thinking how he had longed for his intimacy.

"It should have been driving that car..." Natsuo thought as he ran his hand through his white hair.

He stared at the unfamiliar dark roof with blurry eyes, suddenly thinking in the back of his head that something was off. They had never seen the mysterious bedroom before, yet there they were, lying on smooth linens.

Jiro was resting with his body weight on top of him, but he didn't feel heavy or warm at all. Natsuo's apprehension grew as he realized that Jiro felt more like a cold, lifeless statue than a real person.

"This is a dream... isn't it..." Natsuo muttered out loud.

An unnerving chill ran through his body as he heard his own voice echo back to him in the silence.

His gaze fell on Jiro, who was still nuzzling against him, but he could no longer feel anything - not the rough texture of his stubble or the softness of his lips.

"I'm sorry... it should have been me..." Natsuo said as he clung to Jiro's head, a deep sense of guilt filling his voice.

Natsuo finally woke up from his dream as he had fallen asleep on the motel's bed with his biology book on his stomach. He slowly sat up, feeling remorse and regret pressing onto his shoulders like a weight.

"Which one of us drives back to Nagoya with her? You or me?"

Natsuo remembered the moment Jiro had asked him that after hearing about Kyoko's illness.

"It's up to you."

His frustration boiled over and he threw the book against the wall. Sharp breaths escaped his lungs as he watched the book fall to the ground, accompanied by his own inner conflict.

If only he had suggested that they take the train, and he could drive the car back...

Natsuo groped his phone among the sheets, seeing that he had been sleeping for over four hours and it was past noon. The heaviness weighed his head down, making him feel lethargic and unusually sluggish.

"Did you read it?" Yoshio texted Natsuo.

Natsuo quickly scrolled through his messages, his eyes widening in surprise as he saw Jiro's updated medical documents.

Patient extubated. Answers with brief responses. Recalls driving, but no accident. Able to move fingers and feet. Slight memory loss related to the past few days before the accident, but other than that oriented to place and time.

Natsuo read Jiro's texts from his doctor's daily rounds with a mixture of emotions flowing through him.

He was relieved that he didn't seem to be paralyzed and his body had held up despite all the obstacles. However, his lack of memory of the events leading up to the accident filled him with a sense of concern.

The last time he got amnesia, he only had memories of hating Natsuo. Did he remember their engagement? What about their conversation the night before regarding their future?

Natsuo had to resist the urge to dwell on those questions and celebrate the fact that Jiro had survived alive. The only thing that mattered was that he was safe.

As he sucked in a deep breath, he felt a sense of relief and peace, after all those painfully slow weeks. With that, he said a silent thank you to the universe - as well as to the man who might have wrecked his childhood, but who saved the person he loved the most...