Murderer

"I killed my mother." Winston started talking.

Mia who was biting down on her burger, paused, looking at him with wide eyes. "What? Dude, that's not how you start a story. Mellow it down a bit at first."

Winston smiled. "But this way, you would surely listen." He paused for a moment, wiped the smile off his face and continued . "And that's exactly what happened."

Mia swallowed the bite as fast as she could. She put down the burger and said with a serious face. "Tell me in details. I'm listening."

Winston sighed, had a sip of water and started. "I was eighteen back then. About three years ago. I just got my motorcycle licence and with the money i saved through part-time jobs, i bought a bike. I went out every evening back then. Riding around, wearing a black leather jacket, thinking I'm such a big shot." Saying this he laughed a little. Then continued. "You know, i was an idiot teen. My bike was jet black and i wore a black helmet, with a scary skeleton on its back. Every night i was out, under a bridge, drinking beer and talking with my friends."

Mia interrupted him mid-story. "You know, i was the one who told you to mellow it down, ease me into it. But i don't wanna hear about what you did with your stupid friends." She said with a bitter look in her eyes, taking another bite. "Sorry for being so direct about it."

She didn't seem sorry but Winston didn't take it the heart. "Oh, sorry if I bored you. I'll stick to the story." It was not her who he wanted to ease into the story. He himself knew those were irrelevant, but that would help himself step back into that story slowly. "Anyway, I loved the bike. My mother was a bit worried though. She heard news about how careless bikers would have accidents everyday. She tried really hard to make me get rid of that thing. But I was young and rebellious and thought i knew better." Winston paused taking another sip of his water. This was the hard part. This was what he had avoided remembering all these years. He took a deep breath and looked at Mia. She didn't say a word, waiting for him patiently to get ready. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. If it was her, Winston knew he could talk about it. "on that day i had a fight with dad. He wasn't an alcoholic like he is now, but he had more than his fair share of drinking. After the fight, he left the house banging the door. I don't remember the reason behind the fight. It was stupid anyway. But i remember clearly. I saw mother crying. I felt really bad so i suggested she join me for a ride. She obviously refused. She was afraid of that thing. But i insisted. Didn't want to see her crying like that." Winston said all that without a pause. He was afraid he would flee if he stopped. But reaching this point, he hesitated.

Memories of that scene rushed through his head. His eyes filled with tears, he looked at Mia again. She was a little girl and he didn't want to cry in front of her. So he held them back. "She finally accepted. Looking back she wasn't thinking clearly. Looking back something was wrong. Something beyond my stupid fight with father. But back then, I was too naive to think of that. We got on the bike. I only had on helmet and she refused to wear it. She said the skeleton would make her look ridiculous.

She wasn't the type to care about how she looked. Maybe she wanted me to wear it, maybe she wasn't the type to not care for her looks either. I can't know the answer know.

We got on the bike as I, a teenage boy, was angry at father and wanted mom to stop crying. So i rode fast. Faster than I've ever rode that damn thing. I was thinking maybe the thrill would make her stop. Buried in my thoughts, I don't remember what happened next. I remember a crossroad, a honking truck and my mother bleeding to death in the middle of the road."

Winston stopped tears rushing down his eyes. He couldn't care anymore. He locked that damn memory deep inside a vault but know it was back. He didn't look at Mia anymore. His head down, crying as silently as he was capable of he continued. "I remember father beating me in the hospital. Never seen him that furious. His eyes changed back then. He didn't look like that lively father of mine whose drunken jokes where mom's favourite thing. And he never forgave me."

Mia looked at me silently while I was crying. That went on for more than a minute. After that i saw a hand putting a glass of ale and a box of tissues on the table. I looked up and saw the same waitress as that night. She didn't give me a sympathetic smile, like many would do. "Don't cry like that in front of the kid. The ale is on the house." She briefly said and left. I wiped the tears, took a seep and looked at Mia. After the waitress walked back inside, she said. "What happened after that?" She, too, didn't have a sympathetic look or smile. She was only listening looking serious.

Winston was thankful for that. He'd never seen anyone looking at him like that after knowing about the story. They were all either hateful or sympathetic. "Nothing. I didn't join the funeral. I felt guilty and didn't want father to make a scene in her funeral. She would have hated that. That day i had the bike repaired, locked it under the stairs and stayed in my room looking at the ceiling."

"Did you cry?" She said.

"Nope. Didn't want to. Didn't deserve to actually. A murderer wouldn't cry for the victim. They go on with their life feeling guilty. At least that's how I think they'd act." Saying that he grinned bitterly, taking another sip.

Mia let him wipe his face, pushing the last bite of the burger in her mouth. "And i believe you never went to see her?"

Winston nodded. He never had the courage to do so.

Mia nodded her head. She drank the last sip of her soda and got up. "Let's go for a walk."

Winston nodded. He gulped down the ale as fast as he could and pushed down the burp that was rushing up. A strange but low sound got out of his mouth. Then he got up.

Mia tried her best not to laugh. She didn't succeed but could hold it until Winston couldn't see her face. She then led the way out of the deli. "So do you still have the bike?"

Winston payed for the food, tipped the waitress and followed her. "Of course. It's still there right under a pile of dust. Why?"

Mia walked in front of him, never looking back. "You know, I've never been on a bike. Can we go for a ride?" She said.

Winston looked at her, smiling. She seemed as playful as a teenager like her should be. "I haven't ridden a bike after that. Are you sure?" He said.

Mia looked at him with a grin on her face. "Sure. Doesn't matter even if you hit something. Can't see a difference if I die now or in a month." She saw his head falling down, looking depressed. "Oh, was it too soon to jock about it?" She said sarcastically.

It was too soon. Winston had just told her about it. But it felt strange. He wasn't mad at her. He thought she had something in mind and he didn't mind let her lead her. "Sure. I don't see why we can't. Let's head towards my place then.

Mia jumped up happily, running back to walk by his side. "Lead the way then." She said while taking his hand.

Winston looked at his hand in hers for a moment. She must be playing around again, he thought. They were just friends and he was an adult. Not that much older, but still an adult. At the end he decided to let her be. It didn't really mean anything and also her hand's warmth, soothed him down a little.

Soon after that, they reached his house. "This is my place." Winston said as it was somewhat what anyone would say. "Wait here. I'll go take the bike."

As the word got out of his mouth, he saw father, standing on the stairs looking at him. "The bike?" He said angrily. Then he pointed at Mia adding. "I can see you've found yourself another target. Are you going to become a serial killer?"

Winston saw him raging. He let go of Mia's hand and pushed her behind himself. His father didn't stop there. "careful kiddo. That's not you'd wanna be around. He killed his own mother so you're an easy target. He wouldn't even bat an eye."

Mia was about to say something. She wasn't one to stay silent at such situations. Winston could feel it so he turned around. "Don't mind him. He's switched back to his drunken self again. I'm used to it." He said. The he turned back and walked inside, ignoring his father. After a short while he came back out holding a key set, adorned with a skeleton head. Walking down the stairs, he saw Mia grinning. He blushed and hid the head in his palm.

His father stayed silent, glaring at him while he went pass him. Without a word, he unlocked the bike, wiped the dust a little and switched it on. Obviously it didn't work.

Winston looked at Mia. She was standing there, looking in excited. Winston smiled a little and pushed the bike out. "Need to take it for a quick fix up." He said. He then looked back towards the stairs. Father wasn't there anymore.

The repairs took about an hour. The guy charged the battery, replaced its oil and gas and did a thorough check up. Fortunately, it wasn't in that bad a shape and soon they were on the bike.

Winston put the helmet on Mia's head and ignored all her complaints. "Either this or no bike." He said. He then started moving awkwardly. He had forgotten how to ride the thing, but soon, his senses kicked in. They were on the road moving as slow as a snail.

Mia pointed at a random location. "Oh look. That supermarket is moving faster than us." She said sarcastically.

Winston sighed. "No matter what you say that's the sp..."

Mia interrupted him. "For God's sake ridding a flat bicycle is more thrilling than this." then she yelled. "Faster."

Winston ignored her but she was stubborn. She yelled again and again until he surrendered. He sped up reaching the speed limit but not going a bit faster than that. "Satisfied now?" He said, not taking his eyes off the road for a second.

"Yup. You were about to kill me out of boredom." She grinned, enjoying the cool breeze. "Go left here. I'll lead you somewhere nice."

Winston had no specific destination in mind so he followed her directions. They went all around the town, riding for about an hour. He was begging to suspect if she was jocking around. As he was about to ask something, he saw a sign: "Memory Garden".

He stopped immediately looking back at her. "I can't believe you tricked me. How did you even know where it was?" He said.

"I looked it up. There was actually some articles about it, one mentioned the burial place. Wanna go see her?"

Winston was angry he got off the bike and lit a smoke. He smoked silently not saying a word. After throwing it away, he turned around. "You know. I told you all that because i thought you'd get me. I thought you'd let me be. Let me lead the damn miserable life I deserve." He almost yelled.

"of course I care. Why shouldn't I. Even if we've known each other for a few days, we have a strange but strong connection. I mean... You wouldn't tell all that to a total stranger, would you?" She paused a moment, took a deep breath and started again. "Also, you know, you've got another chance in life. Our cowardice and lack of will power gave us a chance. This whole month would be pointless if we don't at least try to make things better. Am i wrong?"

Winston looked down. It was embarrassing to get lectured in life by a teenager. He wanted to deny all that, curse her and go back home leaving her behind. But he knew she was right and doing all that would be too childish. "All right, all right, I surrender. But it's not like it'd make any difference. I did what i did. I'm damned forever and I won't be forgiven, like ever." Winston was being dramatic and he knew it perfectly well. Those lines were like something fresh out of a cheesy soap opera.

"Dude, that line was like something fresh out of a cheesy soap opera." She read his mind. Winston looked surprised. "what? You thought I read your mind? As much as I wish that to be the case, it's not. It was just that it was too cheesy to ignore." She continued with a grin on her face. Then she got serious again. "But it's not an important point. Tell me, what kind of a person was your mother?"

Winston looked at her serious face. She wasn't going to let him skip that question. His eyes drifted off her face, looking at an ant right in front of his right foot. "She was a great woman. An excellent cook. She knew how to redirect father's drunken rage to a shitty politician on TV. Had a knack for knowing if I was ever feeling down." A narrow smile appeared on his face. "although sometimes I wonder, maybe I couldn't control my expressions. I mean, I was never that good an actor. She had a system. Prepared me a hot coco, and sat beside me with a glass of coffee in her hand. She stayed silent until I started talking. It always worked. If I was wronged, she came up with a way to retaliate. If I did something wrong, she gave me the courage to apologise. And if I did something bad.... " He paused, watching the small ant trying to move a piece of a piece of a cake, he found right there. "If I did something bad, she would always forgive me if I apologised honestly."

Winston drowned in his memories, some sad, some happy. He remembered the time, his mother helped him get over a crush going out with his best friend. The time she scolded him for his multiple failing points, stating he could do way better. The time she ignored him for a week, because he refused to let go of the bike. And the time...

Mia stayed silent. She let him have his time to make the decision. After a long, Winston looked her in the eye. "Thank you for making me remember. I'll be back soon." He said and moved towards the cemetery.

She stayed behind in the dark night, right beside the bike. She waved her hand saying. "Take your time. I'll be right here. It's not like I can go anywhere. After that, let's go somewhere for some hot coco."