Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Goodbye

Maddie and Sandra came not to long after I had found Mr. and Mrs. Mack, she was in surgery, they were trying to stop the bleeding. I don't understand how she was bleeding but honestly I can't really comprehend anything that is happening right now.

Waiting was the worst part.

Some time later Avery's surgeon came out, Dr. Green, "Family of Avery?"

"Here Dr. Green. How is she?"

"We managed to stop the bleeding, as well as on her brain, we had to try a new way to drain the blood from her brain, it worked, reason why she had been bleeding internally, the meds were eating at her stomach, that's why she was bringing up blood, the medication she was given is very strong, I thought it might have that effect but she showed no signs of it hurting her. I am sorry I didn't ask to see her, we had to put her to sleep she should be ok later on, but what Dr. Osborn said is true, and with the events of today, we suspect it might be a few days, with the cancer being on her heart, it is slowing down, her heart will die before the cancer kills her. I am sorry."

"You did your best. That is all we can ask for." Dr. Green left shortly after as Avery's parents made their way to see Avery. I stayed back to take in what was said.

I told Maddie and Sandra the news as they weren't standing with, I was pulled into a hug, not by Maddie but Sandra, she started to cry as well as I did, Maddie joined the hug, even she was crying.

We pulled away, as their hands lingered on my arms,

"I wasn't expecting it to be so soon. I thought we had time." I said as more tears began to fall, trying to wipe them as they fall looking away from them.

"When she wakes up, be with her, she needs you as much as she needs her parents, I can't imagine how scared she must be right now." Sandra sounded so calm but you can hear the fear in her voice at the fact she is going to say goodbye to her best friend, Maddie even looked scared. I gave a sad smile, "I'm going to look for them." they gave me a nod, moving back to sit, as I went to find Avery.

I went to the front desk on this floor asking, she pointed to the room not to far away from the desk as I went to see if she was awake, getting into the room I saw Mr. and Mrs. Mack sitting side by side, looking at me as I walked in. I looked at Avery's sleeping body, she had a breathing tube in her nose and an IV of blood with about 4 different wires going to her body, as well as a heart monitor, it was beating, very slow, but it was beating. I went to sit on the other side of the bed as I placed my hand over Avery's cold one, her hands very colder than before.

"They said she might die in her sleep, but its 50/50 she will wake up." Mr. Mack said as I looked up, meeting his sad gaze.

"She'll wake up, she always does."

"I don't think she will this time."

"Frank..."

The room went silent again, looking down at the ground I left out a hard breath as I hoped Avery would wake up, even if it was for a few minutes, just so I can look into her eyes again, here her voice and say goodbye.

Avery ended up sleeping for 3 days. She woke at about 3am Monday, but she was coughing and choking, unable to breath, she was in pain you could see tat from a mile, we were all told to get out the room when she started having a fit. Sitting outside her room, I couldn't go back in there after seeing that, she was awake for awhile but I let her parents sit with her, and well say their last words to her. Dr. Osborn said her heart stopped, that's why she jerked awake and started coughing and all, she was trying to get her heart to start again, she feel into a fit because she couldn't.

She might have another fit at any moment and we wont be able to help her again, if she flatlines, if her heart stops, we wont be able to revive her. I let a few tears fall, her parents came out the room, they told me I can go but I let Sandra go in, then the doctors, the nurses, even the rest of her family.

Her parents called them to come see her before she passes, I have never seen so many people dash through a elevator as I did when the family was here, I got to meet all her aunts and uncles, one of them, I think his name is Dan? I can't remember, flirted with me but I was saved by Mrs. Mack telling him off, that was the first bit of laughter I heard come from her since we got here.

"She wants to see you dear." Mrs. Mack told me

"I can't. I can't say goodbye."

"I know it's hard dear, I know, I have sat in that room with her and with all of them saying goodbye and I know she wanted you in there rather than me."

I sighed as I went to the room, I knocked softly, she said a soft come in. I opened the door, closing it behind me. She looked so small and broken, I nearly cried seeing her like this. I walked to her bed as she was half awake, she gave a small smile. I pulled my chair as close as I could to her bed, holding her hand. For the last time.

I creased her cheek with my hand

"Hey."

"Hi."

Avery:

I have seen everyone cry today, I know I am about to die but jeez crack a joke. My mind is very awake but everything else is not, I've lost all feeling from the waist down, as well as my arms and chest, I can't feel my heart beat, I'm awake but I know I wont be for long.

My parents cried their eyes out, saying sorry, reminding me off all the good times and saying I will be ok, they will be ok. Sandra and Maddie cried. Dr. Osborn had to hold Dr. Kimberly as they left crying. Mara Jean and Jackie cried. My aunts cried. My uncles cried. My therapist cried. I cried. I was waiting for her to come see me, I needed to see her before I let go. I can't bare to watch her cry.

"I really wish we had more time." She whispered

"Me to." My voice is quiet, I can't really talk but she can hear me

"Can I be selfish and ask you to stay?" She started crying as I laughed a bit, wishing I had a choice, my chest felt heavy again.

"Jamie. I am going to quote a movie...The movie is called Atonement, Robbie Turner writes a...letter to Cecilia Tallis, "I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame." Maybe we don't get our...happy ending in this universe but maybe in another. Till we see each other again, don't...remember the bad things, remember the good, the laughs, the kisses, the touches, the longing stares I...would give you, that night, the first time we shared we love one another...remember it and remember me. Don't...cry when you think of me...I will love you forever, and never...stop even when I'm gone...But you have...to...let me go now." I said as I tired to breath, the heavy feeling was getting bigger

"I will, I will never forget you, not even if I tired to. I can't let you go, I don't know how I am going to live without seeing your smile everyday, hearing your voice, seeing you read or tell me something dumb you heard on Tumblr. I love you to much to let you go Avery."

Though I had no energy, I felt so heavy all around, I lifted my hand to place in on hers, trying to grip it as the pain shot back into me.

"Please. Let me go but don't forget me."

"What do you mean?"

"I...mean...don't let...my...death stop you from...living...let me go...so you can move on with...life...but...never forget me...don't..."

"Alright, I take it that's your dying wish?"

"Yes."

"I love you Avery Mack, more than I ever knew I could love a person."

"I love..."

Jamie:

As she went to say it back her eyes started to roll to the back of her head as I screamed for the doctor's. I went out of the room as they tried to revive her.

Have you ever had one of those moments where everything slows down? Like for everyone else it is speeding up but for you it is slowing down. That's what is felt like to watch them revive Avery, watching her family's faces as they watched her parents scream for her to hold on, watching Mrs. Mack drop to the floor as she begged to God not to take her away and all I could do was stand and watch it all happen in slow motion.

As I heard her heart monitor make that horrid buzz, I knew she was gone. Mrs. Mack chocked out a sob as her husband held her tight to his chest as he was crying with her, her family members embraced one another as the noise could be hear through the area where we waited. I stepped back as I turned to run from it all.

I couldn't heard Maddie running after me as I ran through the hospital, like the day I ran after Avery to chase her to the roof I was doing what she wanted to do, run till the pain stops. I didn't know but I run to the end of the hall on the opposite side of the hospital, dropping to the floor as I let out a scream, not to long after I was held but the arms of Maddie as she held me while I cried on the floor, holding my heart as if I could just rip it out. This pain was unbearable, I felt like the walls had finally fell on top of me and I was trapped under it all, I can't believe this.

After sometime Maddie walked me back to her parents as I looked back into the room, her body was gone. I felt numb all over as I saw Mr. and Mrs. Mack sign her papers, Mrs. Mack was still crying, shaking as she signed, I walked over to them. They saw me and grabbed me to hug me so tight as we cried again but together.

Mrs. Mack smelt like her. We let go of each other, not even smiling as I turned to look at her husband. The man was hiding her face with his hand, I could hear him talking but his voice was cracking.

We made our way back to the house, it was dead, dead quite. Maddie and Sandra were told to stay the night, as we would plan the funeral as soon as we could, Mr. Mack wanted this part to be over as fast as he could make it. At about 7pm we were discussing the plans and where it will be held.

We were going to have a small funeral as we didn't want to draw attention, it will take place Wednesday, at around 12pm.

"Avery...Avery said when she dies she wants a happy and funny photo of her put up, not sad and boring." Sandra said, Avery had told us all how she wants it to go and we are following it out. I was told to help pack the room as well as give her things to the children at the home, she doesn't want her parents to go back and cry when seeing her things.

Later that night, I was lying in bed, unable to sleep. I slowly moved to get out of bed, creeping towards her old room. I never thought I would say that. Opening the door, all I could smell was her, all I could see was her, even all I could feel was her.

Her books were still on the shelfs, the movies were still everywhere, her games, shoes, clothes, blankets kicked to the end of the bed, pillows moved around. I walk in as the tears fall down my face, I got to pick up her old pills, the stupid things that only gave her more pain, with anger I threw the pill bottle across the room, it landed on the floor, spilling.

Walking to her bathroom, I saw the mess from a few days ago had been clean, Mr. Mack mentioned he came home to clean, I can't imagine how hard it must have been. I looked to see her sink had a bit of hair still on it from last time, I leaned against the sink as I slowly looked up to see myself, I looked like hell.

I walked out to her window, she had the best view other than the study's view of New York, I remember the first day we meet, she still pointed out where I lived. Smiling as the memory played in my head.

I sat on the bed, running my hand over the sheets as they were cold, I lay down on her bed, I was overtaken by her smell, it made me cry more. It had been a few hours and I miss her terribly, this hurts so much.

I walked back to my room as I heard Mr. Mack in the kitchen, he was drinking coffee, as I looked around corner, he was crying. The site of him crying made me cry more, I had to get back to my room before he saw me.

Funeral

The funeral was small and quite, good things were said and laughs were shared once Sandra stood to spoke, it was good to hear laughter. I was asked to speak, I had prepared only a few words as I wasn't aloud to address our relationship, my boss had come to pay his respects. I stood at the front, patted down my black dress as the wind blew, breathing a sharp breath.

"Avery, I will be honest, I didn't like you when we first meet, I think everyone could see that but after a while...we became friends and I would like to think we were best friends. No one has made me love my job as much as you did, no one made me laugh as much as you did, no one made me feel more like a human than you did. You were weird, kind, funny, sweet, understanding, and I know you will live on forever no matter where you may be, you will always be in my heart. As you said to me, I must let you go but not forget you. I think that is what she wants for all of us, to move on with our lives and not let her death get us down, we can miss her and God we miss her but we must remember her and continue to live, not dwelt on the past but more on the the future, live for her. There will never be another like you and I love that, it just shows us all how different you are, I wish we had more time to do more and show you more parts of this world but I am thankful we got the time we had been given, I am thankful for being able to say goodbye. though it hurt I am thankful I did."