Chapter Seven: The Aftermath

I don't want to do anything. I thought I was over Jude, but now I'm just not sure. It's so pathetic, believe me, I know, but he knows me the best, he's so sweet, he's nice, he's smart, he's athletic, and just to top it all off he's really good-looking. It all just sucks because I want to be with him, but I can't. I can't because of Sabrina and I can't because he's my best friend so he could never see me in that way. Even if he did think of me in that way for a split second, he would realize he can't be with me because I'm not good enough for him.

I know I ended our friendship yesterday, but all this just hurts, and all this is just making me realize how I need him in my life. It's hard not knowing if he's gonna be there for me when I need him, it won't be any different for him though because lately it just doesn't seem like he needs me. He just needs Sabrina and it's sad.

My phone started ringing, it was Jude texting me but I wasn't going to read it or answer.

I continued to get more texts from him for the next 20 minutes but then they finally stopped.

The next thing I know is there's a knock on the door, my dad answers it and says "I don't think you should be here right now." I immediately know it is Jude. My dad isn't too happy with him right now either.

"Please, I need to speak to Aly."

"She doesn't want to see you. I think you should go home."

Being my dumb self, I spoke from the top of the stairs, "it's okay dad, give him 5 minutes." I walk back into my room and wait for Jude to come up.

He enters and closes the door behind him. "Aly, I need my best friend."

"All we do is argue now, you don't need me."

"But I do, I constantly make you worth less than you are by telling you all this stuff we've already talked about and it just gets old and I don't know how you deal with it. You make me laugh and smile all the time when nobody else does."

"I'm pretty sure Sabrina can do all those things. Why are you saying all this now?"

"I feel bad about everything, I just want you to know I'm sorry that I always put her before you and I know she's my girlfriend and I care about her a lot but I really need to stop putting you second cause it's not fair at all especially since you've been only good to me, and since she doesn't even put me fourth or fifth so I'm not going to try anymore to be her second behind Gabby cause it's not gonna happen. Instead of wishing for something that's never gonna happen, I'm going to focus on the good things about my life. You're a big part of that dude. You are an amazing best friend who always listens and you make me feel so lucky and happy."

I let a small smile show after he's finished but quickly take it back. "That's really sweet Jude, but this isn't the first time and I don't know how much longer I can put up with it."

"I understand, but I really am sorry Aly."

"I just want you to be happy, and I don't think Sabrina is making you happy. You′re constantly complaining about her not treating you right, but then you forgive and forget anyway, I'm just tired of hearing the same shit every time."

"And I hear what you're saying but I love her and I don't want to just throw it all away. I've been with her for half a year."

"Some things just aren't meant to be, and some things aren't fixable."

"Maybe you're right, but I'm not just gonna give up on her. I'm not gonna let you push me away either."

"No Jude, you pushed me away. I think you should go." I let him out of my room and close the door behind him. I wait to hear the front door close before I come out of my room. My dad looks up the stairs to see if I'm okay.

"It's best I don't speak to him for a while." I walk back into my room and I stay there until it's 5:30. I get up and tell my dad I'm just going out for fresh air.

I walk to the park and see Jude. That's just what I needed. He was alone though, sitting on the dock so I walked up and sat down next to him. I couldn't help it, he just looked a little sad.

"Surprised to see you here," I said as I sat down next to him.

I heard him sniffle before he turned to look at me. "Jude, what's wrong?"

Tears began to form in his eyes before he responded. "I need my best friend."

"What happened?"

"Sabrina. Just I don't want to talk about it. Can we please just talk about anything else?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Aly, I'm really sorry for everything and not paying attention to you. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I -"

I cut him off and gave him a hug. "It's okay."

"I love you." He said in between his sobs.

"I love you, too."

Maybe I shouldn't have just forgiven him that easily, but it's like he said, I shouldn't give up on something after everything we've been through together. Maybe we will never be more than friends, and the idea of that stings because I just feel myself falling for him harder and harder every day. If it hurts me so much I don't know why I'm still his best friend. I just don't want to lose him. I want him to be mine. I feel like he may know that or at least might think I like him. I don't really try to hide it anymore. All I want is to be with him. I'm going to break because I can't have him.