Chapter Six: Worst Time of the Year

Most people think I'm a terrible person for hating this time of year. What they don't know is that it's because my mom passed away only a week before Christmas. I'm not saying I hate Christmas, just that it's not my favorite and I never really look forward to it as much anymore. My family would always celebrate it together. We would stay up on Christmas Eve until one in the morning, and it was all just great. The past two years have been difficult, but Jude always comes over the day she died to comfort my dad and me.

The last day of school before the break is tomorrow, and Luke hasn't said anything to me about his feelings. Ray told Jordyn that he's too scared because of everything with Jude. I don't know how much clearer I can make that there is nothing happening between me and Jude. He has a girlfriend, and they've been together for 3 months, almost 4. No one really thought they would make it that far, I didn't either if I'm being honest.

Maybe I should just tell Luke how I feel. Jordyn said I should because it doesn't seem like Luke is going to any time soon. I'm just really scared, I've never done anything like this. This past month we've been hanging out a lot, going to the mall, the movies, and at school. I love his company, and I'm pretty sure he likes hanging out with me too.

I'm finally over Jude. It took me a while, but once I started hanging out with Luke more my feelings for Jude just went away. I still hang out with Jude, when he's not with Sabrina. For some reason, Sabrina thinks we're close so she tells me everything. She told me that Jude hasn't even tried to kiss her. I find that so funny, I mean he's never had a girlfriend, he hasn't kissed anyone, and she's had, 4 boyfriends. I also heard that she had an on-again, off-again boyfriend since middle school. No wonder she's impatient with Jude right now.

It was the last period of the day, I'm currently in Geometry with Luke. We're just watching a movie since none of the teachers want to teach today. So Luke and I are messing around in the back and talking.

"What's the point of even coming to school tomorrow? I say we skip." He whispered to me.

"I can't just skip school, my dad will kill me."

"He won't know."

"I can't. What if a class gives a pop quiz or something tomorrow. I can't risk it."

"You're such a goody goody," he said with a laugh, "you're cute when you're worried."

The bell rang after he said that, I was blushing. I basically was a tomato, I really hope he didn't notice. He walked out the door before I even gathered all my things.

I walked to my locker to put my books away. Jude came up to me, that never happens unless he needs a favor.

"Hey, Aly."

"Hey, Jude, what's up."

"Did you forget?"

"Forget what?"

"We were supposed to hang out today."

"Oh shit. I was going to hang with Jordyn, Ray, and Luke."

"Aly, we always hang out on Thursday."

"Right, I'm sorry it just slipped my mind. It's just one Thursday, next week?"

"Next week is Christmas, Alyanna." He never uses my full name unless he's upset. I don't get why he would be upset, it's not like he hasn't done this to me before.

"Whoa, chill out Jude. It isn't that big of a deal."

"You go out with them every day. This is the one day we hang out."

"Well, maybe it's because my best friend ditched me for a girl he met on a damn cruise," I said with attitude as I slammed my locker shut.

"Are we still on this, Sabrina is my girlfriend. She deserves all my attention."

"Yes, but I am supposed to be your best friend Jude. When does she ever put you first? When does she show you she cares? I always put you first. I actually care about you," I pause to catch my breath, "you know what, you always say you don't deserve me and I never agree, but right now you sure as hell don't deserve me."

He couldn't even respond. I can't even believe what came out of my mouth. I have never said anything like that to him, or to anyone really. He truly deserved it though, he's being such an ass.

He stuttered, couldn't even get a word out. So I just decided to walk away and meet with Jordyn and Luke outside. Now we were just waiting for Ray. I had to tell them what happened. They congratulated me for finally speaking the truth.

Ray finally walks out and Jordyn caught him up on what just happened. Luke and I just walked behind them pretty close together.

"How does it feel?" He asked me while his hands were in his front pockets and he looked at the ground.

"Pretty good actually."

"Think he'll get over it?"

"He's gonna need me once he realizes who Sabrina really is."

"Who is she?"

"She's still hung up on her ex from what her friends told me, and she never gives Jude that much attention."

"Why is he with her?"

"It's his first girlfriend, he thinks he can change her for the better. Also, I think he's mesmerized by her beauty."

"What he doesn't know is that there's no beauty on the inside, right." We both laughed.

It's been 3 days since my argument with Jude. It's Christmas break, but today is December 18. The day my mom died, and today marks 3 years. I can't even get out of bed, I'm already in tears. My dad's downstairs, probably just sitting on the couch with his hand cupped to his face.

I walk down, I see my dad just sitting on the couch looking into a picture of my mom, him, and myself. It's my favorite picture in the house, and also the last one we took with mom.

It's currently 2 p.m., and Jude isn't here yet, he's usually there to get me out of bed because I can never find the strength to get out myself. I've called and texted him a couple of times, no response.

5 p.m., still no Jude.

7 p.m., just my dad and myself now.

10 p.m., I'm back in bed crying, because it's been 3 years without a mom, and my best friend couldn't even show up, I felt so alone.

The first thing I do when I wake up the next morning besides cry is go over to Jude's house. I knock on the door rapidly until he finally answers. I slap him.

"What the actual fuck Jude!"

"Ow! What the hell Alyanna! What is your problem!" He said with his hand cupping his cheek.

"My problem is you! You fucking ditched me, Jude," my voice begins to crack, "you left me all alone to cry and feel bad about myself, I was by myself. No one to comfort me! Where the hell were you!" I was crying now.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What was yesterday?" He asked with a sarcastic tone. This was not the time for that.

"Are you joking right now?"

"Oh shit. I forgot I planned to hang out with Sabrina yesterday." He said like a smart ass.

"You son of a bitch! How could you Jude? The one day I really, truly need you?! It's been 3 years since my mom died! Why just why." I couldn't hold back my anger. Tears just stained my cheeks, I could not stop crying.

"I'm just trying to save my relationship with her, calm down. We can hang out next week?"

"I can't believe you right now."

"I'm just treating you how you treated me the other day." He said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"That was so different and you know it! This was important to me and you knew that! I can't believe you pulled this shit!"

"My relationship is my priority right now, I'm trying to fix it because you haven't been helping me."

The next thing I said was going to change everything and I knew it.

"Frankly, I don't fucking care anymore. I'm not the only one trying to help you fix Sabrina, we're all literally saying and thinking the same thing, 'break up with her,' but nope. You don't wanna listen to us and we're all tired of it. You can't tell us your problems and have us try to fix them when you don't wanna listen to what we're telling you to do. It's becoming annoying that you won't let her go when she doesn't fucking care about you. And then you keep putting her first when she doesn't deserve it, she talks about putting her friends first, and honestly, I lightweight agree with her, but noooooo you think you can push all your friends aside who have helped you with a lot of shit and have actually supported you and put her first when she does the opposite. She tears you down. She lowers your self-esteem. She doesn't encourage you. She shows no love whatsoever. I'm done trying to help you and I'm done with this friendship because it's just not working out anymore."

With that long statement, I walked backward, still with tears running down my face, and walked away. I was done with his bullshit. I do not deserve to come in second place every damn time. I do not deserve to be forgotten. What sucks the most is that even after all this shit, I still like him. I still wish he would see that I'm the girl for him.