Chapter 4: Secrets

Back when I was in Asia, I used to go to the football field a lot. I would sit by the side and watch young and old men play football.

I joined them occasionally.

One day this guy from X country came up to me and said. ..'What's your secret ?'

'What?'

I said to him confused by his question.

''Do you have Secrets or not ?'

'Everyone has secrets.'

'What's Yours ?'

'It won't be a secret if I tell it to you'

Then he just walked away. Then I wondered if I have any secrets.

I guess I do.

I hated my very exisiance and everyone elses as well. I am mad at everything. If I were a teenager that would have been understandable but I am not.

I bang my head on the wall and on my desk.

I claw at my neck when no one is watching.

I go to the rooftop too often.

I hate boys. But I hate girls even more.

I would like to spill blood one day.

I think of hanging by a rope from a crane on a sky scraper. I want them to burn my corpse up there in the sky after having been declared the witch of the century.

I am slowly becoming a monster.

I am only at peace under water- where I can hear nothing.

I used to be scared of myself until now. ...

But now. ...

I feel nothing.

and. ...

I am about to do. ...something really really stupid and perhaps....horrible.