Chapter 23: Horror

The horrors of halloween only fully sink in the morning after halloween you know.

Like...that moment you wake up, and remember the details of the previous night...how wasted you were and how many people got to wear the contents of your stomach ....

Like that moment when the hunt and adrenaline rush is over and you find yourself alive but alone...standing over the graves of everyone who was with you last night.

My halloween horrors unvailed today.

It is such a beautiful day! with the sun bright and high...the skies clear blue and with puffy clouds here and there.

It's a calm clean Monday afternoon.

I sit at the back of the upper deck of the bus, which, from here onwards, will be referred to as, my spot.

As usual, there's noone else up here...and I was relieved when the bus pulled out of campus and we started going.

I am ashamed you see.

I found out that everyone had done their assignments well...even those from non CS back ground...and the boys were chilling and having a boys time and I felt dumb and unhappy...just sitting there with codes that didn't work.

I couldn't join in their conversation...couldn't laugh or talk. I was worried.

So when the bus finally came, it was as if it was.. taking me away from my shame....

I messed up my referencing style on friday's assignment as well...that totally didn't put me in the right. The teacher had not posted my grade...Aki had aced hers...I wished I was her...I looked at her today and thought she was actually pretty...and smart...

It is the beginning of the month...and such a nice day...everyone is bonding and yet here I am...leaving it behind people and running away once again... spending unecessary time on the road...watching people bike and enjoy the sun...hanging out with their friends and all....

The bus is empty...no one wants to go back home on such a nice day..I bet....

The day can only go from bad to terrible....I had to wait for the bus for half an hour at another campus. I wish I weren't so ashamed of myself and felt confident enough with the cool and smart kids in my class.

But it's alright. I'll go home and do the assignments...and I'll be okay...even if I am lonely, faulty and a little bit crazy.

I'll be...just fine.