Chapter 33: Crush

I.... finally talked to my crush.

For 7 minutes.

Yes I had a legit excuse....it was school related stuff.

No. ..it is not small talk that clicked and took off....

He had shining eyes.

Was polite.

Had a deep voice.

Was tall and lean....with broad shoulders.

He sounded smart. ..I like smart.

I hope he is smart.

He is out of my league.

Which is great.

cause I won't get my heart broken...(not that i have a heart)

...I just like that he exists. ...

so I can daydream about it. ...

and maybe. ...just maybe. ...

I would try. ...to be a bit more smarter...a bit more prettier. ...so he may notice me.

Then when he does, and he shall do so. ..at least once in the next 2 years...

I will run away from him...just the way I ran away from all my crushes so far. ...

cause I got attachment issues...and I freak out if I end up meaning something to someone...and judge myself unworthy of all...attention one gives me.

Parents excepted...can't help that relation.

I am such a rogue wolf.

But I can't help it.

Out in the wilderness, I feel alive...I don't have to impress anyone or anything. I can. ..just exist.

independently.

As free as the wind. Going wherever and whenever.

occasionally going tornado....some where over the ocean.

Going past old men and women and bringing up memories.

lol.

Everytime I run away from my crushes, I run away smarter...

but older.

shit.

I gotta stop. ...soon.

stop crushing on people, or. ...stop running away.

or. ...perhaps. ..

stop. ...

getting. ..

older.