Chapter 1

I grimace. I usually handle it better, but today the bitterness creeps in.

“Theo? Is something wrong?” he asks when I don’t say anything.

“Of course not.” My denial is quick, but the crack in my voice tells a different story and even Iwouldn’t believe me.

A few seconds pass, then he tugs the sleeve of my tux. “Will you look at me, please?”

His soft, pleading tone almost breaks my resolve and I resist the childish urge to cover my ears with my hands so I won’t hear him. I can’t afford to look at him. If I do, I will melt into a puddle at his feet. Like I always do.

Especially today when he’s so damned handsome in his exquisite tuxedo that fits his muscular body like a glove, with every honey blond hair perfectly styled, and the grey eyes that turn into silver when they sparkle with happiness.

I keep my head turned. “Go be with your brother, Kieran. Celebrate his happy day.”

With a stiff back, I hold my breath as I wait for him to leave. I don’t expect him to stay and try to talk to me. His brother’s wedding day is no place for a serious conversation; their parents would be most displeased. Which is polite talk for “angry as fuck.”

But he doesn’t go. Instead, he moves until he stands right in front of me.

I can feel his gaze burning into me, and without looking, I know his eyebrows are drawn together, creating a worried wrinkle between his eyes. I curl my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching up and smoothing it out.

“Theodore.”

I want to scream at him for not playing fair. He knowswhat it does to me when he uses my full name; I’ve never been able to resist him when he says it in that smooth, velvety voice of his.

Stubbornly, I keep my face turned away and let my eyelids close. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll rejoin the party.”

But he’s stubborn, too. “Talk to me. Please.”

I jump when his thick finger nudges my chin. He never touches me in public unless it’s one of those stupid manly-man backslaps or shoulder-squeezes. Public Kieran is nothing like private Kieran. Private Kieran can’t keep his hands off me. He always touches and caresses and nuzzles and hugs. He holds my hand. Showers my face with kisses. Tickles the hair in my nape and sleeps plastered to my back all night, whining with disapproval if I leave his side even for a second.

My boyfriend, the very successful corporate executive and heir to his father’s business empire, turns into a cuddle monster when we’re alone, and it makes it extra hard on days like today when I have to remember to keep my distance.

But because the current touch is so unusual, I can’t resist to open my eyes and look at him.

He gasps.

He sees it then, just like I knew he would. He always says that my eyes reveal every little thing I feel, so the reason I fled the merriment of the lavish wedding reception and the never-ending toasts to the happy couple and hid in the gazebo by the manmade lake on Kieran’s parents’ estate must be apparent to him who knows me so well. The feeling of rawness and hopelessness over our situation probably shine at him like a beacon in the darkness of night.

He can see what the realization that hit me during dinner as I listened to Kieran O’Riordan Sr.’s speech congratulating his son—my best friend—Seamus and his new wife Anna did to me. O’Riordan Sr. was a proud father who was very complimentary but couldn’t resist throwing in some good-natured ribbing about how ironic it was that only his eldestson out of three is still unmarried and how he and his wife are getting impatient to welcome the future Mrs. Kieran O’Riordan Jr.—and grandchildren—to the family.

That was when I knew. I would never get to do what Seamus did today. I would never stand up in front of family and friends with stars in my eyes and a trembling voice and say “I do.” At least not with Kieran, and he’s the only one I’ve ever wanted, so who else would I do it with?

With a fake smile plastered on my face, I raised my glass with the other guests and toasted the happy couple while my insides crumpled into a wistful mess. I forced myself to stay for a while longer; I had a speech to make and I would never let down Seamus. But after, I excused myself and escaped.

I’ve been standing here ever since. Staring at the lake, gagging over how perfect everything is at the O’Riordan residence. The lake is perfect, the lawn is perfect, the trees and bushes and flowerbeds are perfect. The people, too.