Chapter 15: The Harsh Reality

I woke up strangely. As if my body was carrying a lot of weight. Feeling paralyzed, I still had the sword grasped tightly in my hand. Wrapped my arm around it, securing it like no one will be able to take it away from me. I used my entire strength to push myself up in a sit-up position. I brought the sword up and on my lap to examine it. Staring at it like it meant more than just a simple katana. It was the sword that protected me. It always found its way back to me to protect my life. I recall the moments when I saw Katy for the first time walking up to me boldly with the sword. Like the sword always had someone to help it get a close eye on me and me only. I knew it was time to train but I was not looking too good. I went to meet up with Linda outside.

Linda asked me, "Are you ready?"

I shook my head like a bobble toy figure, trying to act like I am fine and nothing is wrong. Linda started to examine me.

Linda questioned with her head turning sideways, "Um Shadow…. Why is Katy's sword with you?"

I didn't know what to say. In my head, I was trying my best to find a good reason why but when it came to answering her, "I.. want… it…" A short pause of confusion as the wind blows through the trees. "She always had it with her and whenever I have it with me it just reminds me of her. I lost someone that meant so much to me for the first time in my life. I've never had a connection like that with anyone before except for her and now she is g-" Linda appeared in front of me as my watery eyes tried their best to focus on her face. She places her hands on my shoulders.

She talks to me in her soft tone voice again, "Shadow…

"You know.... I haven't even seen her grave yet."

Linda gently looked at me, "You want to go see her one more time?"

I nodded my head and Linda got her stuff to go to the graveyard. We walked to the graveyard ourselves since the place was only a few blocks away and I needed to clear my head before entering. As we entered the graveyard, We walked into the front gates and Linda led me through the tons of stones that were laid out throughout every inch of the graveyard. Each step we took crumbled the leaves below us. As we reached what seemed like the center of the graveyard but it was barely filled in this area. Seemed like they started from the front of the gate and worked their way toward the back. But there is this one stone that was an outlier toward the rest of the stones here. It looks like a wall with two rook chess pieces on the sides and in the center had the most detailed rose. Having the words Katy Rose inscribed on the top. It made me go on my knees knowing the years placed on the stone at the bottom from when she was born to when she died was only eighteen years apart. I became even more devastated and wished it didn't have to be this way. I asked myself, mumbling, why it had to be this way. Why was I the one to live my life while a young girl has to ruin her's? Her only life for me? Linda was crying as well, she didn't want to come and see her first daughter have to suffer this fate earlier than herself.

I felt the sadness from the most peaceful mother to which I got up from my knees and told Linda to get going to walk back home. She agreed until I heard a bark from a distance. I looked over, "Haruto?" I thought I would never see this dog again. Haruto came running to me wagging its tail and whimpering extensively. You could say this dog was so happy to see me alive. Haruto couldn't stop being all over me. I tried to lay him down and hug him to see if he could calm down because at this point I'm seeing a dog cry in front of me. Looks like the war got him too. I heard footsteps coming in and I looked up to see an old man walking in the graveyard.

The Old man tells me, "What are you doing with my dog?"

My heart skipped a beat, "Oh sorry sir I was just petting him."

The Old man replies, "It seems to have quite a bit of a connection with you."

"Yea I guess so."

"You are also in the same stone that he usually lays down now and guards." As he said that, Haruto got up off the floor to lay down next to Katy Rose's gravestone. "He has never done this before. Would you like to tell me more about this, son?" He had a very distinct southern accent.

"I know why sir because I found this dog walking around in our area and…"

I paused and looked at Linda.

"What happened, son?"

"A war started and we got ambushed… I was taking care of the dog like it was my own but… We suffered a loss."

The Old man lowered his hat to his chest and gave us his condolences, "I'm sorry for your loss."

Linda said, "Thank you."

I asked, "So what is your reason for being here?"

He tells me, "I'm one of the grave keepers here."

"I see."

"Don't worry about the dog because I took the responsibility to give him some food and water every so often. He's a wild dog so he knows how to hunt."

I looked at Haruto and told him, "Good boy." His tail was wagging for a little bit. "Alright, we were about to head out anyway. It was nice meeting you. Please take good care of Haruto."

The Old man nodded, "Haruto, huh. He's in safe hands."

We started to walk back home and Linda said out of nowhere, "you can have whatever you want from her room. I'm sure she will be happier to see you having her stuff than anyone else."

I was happy to hear it but the strength to hold these tears felt useless as the water burst through that last line of defense to start flooding my cheeks with tears. Linda wrapped her arms around me as I hid my face in her shoulder. I hugged her back like it was my own mother. But this time I was mostly holding myself up to not fall. I was exhausted. It was a good long moment of me just crying while Linda tried her best to comfort me. She sat me down on the grass to rest. My legs were too weak at this point to even carry my body.

Linda looked straight at me, "I can see you really do miss her."

My head was down as I nodded my head to reply.

Linda lifted my chin and saw my exhausted wet eyes and sighed, "You know what. We aren't going to train today. Today is your day off. You deserve it for yourself. Do whatever you want. Go to sleep and rest. We can restart tomorrow."

"But… but…"

"No, not gonna hear it. Just go."

Linda grabbed my hand and lifted me up. She started pulling me toward the house so I could stop thinking about it. I got in and instead of going to the visitor's room where I usually sleep, I went straight to Katy's room. It felt very strange for me to do something like this but a part of me just wanted closure. I looked around the room feeling terrible. Thinking about how she could be here resting on the bed peacefully. I laid down on the bed as I thought about it more. The smell from the bed smelled exactly like her. I laid Katy's sword next to me on the bed. Finally letting the katana go as I took a pillow on the bed and started hugging it tightly. Squeezing it harder than a large snake wrapping around your entire body.

Every teardrop went on the pillow making the entire thing wet. All I did was grasp on her pillow and hold onto it like it was my life. Eventually crying myself to sleep. I felt alone once again in darkness. Not knowing what to do anymore. In this emptiness of space not knowing how I should feel or think anymore. I'm starting to get sick of this feeling. I don't want to be stuck in this dead-end anymore. I thought I was over this feeling when I told Jack that I want to train and beat the demons once and for all. I want to get back up. Move on and fight like I was before. I want to move on. I want... to fight... for peace.

The crickets chirped away around the house. It was so loud, it seemed to be the only reason for waking me up in the middle of the night as I looked out the window. I didn't eat anything all day and checked my phone to see the time being past midnight. I rubbed my eyes but something felt off. My eyes were tunnel-visioned. I got out of the bed and looked out the window. Suddenly a hand touches my cheek from behind caressing my skin. I was still looking out the window as my hand went up to my cheek to feel the hand that was touching me. I turned around to see who it was. And I couldn't believe my eyes. My heart stopped and my lungs were frozen. I have suddenly lost the function to breathe. It's like my brain has put all its effort, all of its energy, toward my eyes, as Katy stands in front of me. Looking at my weary eyes. Her voice echoes in the room "Shadow." I tried to listen closer. "Please don't leave me." she began to cry. A stream of tears was coming down from her eyes. The walls around us start to melt. I tried to do something but my body was still in shock. I was still frozen. Fire started to rise around me. I looked down at my chest seeing blood pouring out of me. She starts to whisper something familiar and goes in to kiss me.

"NO KATY STOP!!!" I woke up. Jumping out of the bed and accidentally falling out of it. On the floor breathing heavily. The loud bang I made from dropping to the wooden floor was heard around the house. Nina came in rushing into the room.

Nina kneeled down to me, extending her arms to reach out, "What happened, are you okay?"

I was mumbling my words, "Katy. She was here. I couldn't... she kept ongoing. I just…"

Extremely frustrated, I tried to give out my story but Nina kept looking at me like I wasn't even speaking English. Linda came in to check on me.

Linda asked, "What happened to Shadow?"

Nina answered, "I think he is losing his mind."

Is this what it feels like being broken? I can't even talk, I'm cradling back and forth ever so slightly. My mental state was not good at all and I couldn't even understand words around me. My mind was focused on what happened in the dream and it must've been the post-traumatic stress from the fight. Linda walked in closer to me and kneeled next to Nina. I was shying away, trying to move back but Linda grabbed my head and kissed my forehead. It turns out I had a very high fever and it happened during the middle of the night. Nina and Linda picked me up from the arms and got me to lay back down on the bed. They placed a cold wet towel on my forehead which helped me go back to sleep.