Sometimes you
find yourself in situations that just don’t seem possible or
plausible. If you dreamed scenarios like these, you would wake up
and say something like, “Wow, that was insane. Wonder what the
symbolism was in that.” Or perhaps you wouldn’t say a thing. You
would just immediately seek out the help of a good psychiatrist.
For instance, this evening, I am standing half-naked, in a cage
that looks like something out of an old Jacques Cousteau episode on
some retro TV channel or maybe one of those cable shows where
people practically beg sharks to attack them. The metal cage is
suspended above a three-story glass aquarium tank that begins on
the first floor of a rather kinky bar and grille. Two sharks, that
appear to be bull sharks, are swimming in the tank. I’m wearing an
oxygen tank and mask, and a gold lamè thong that looks like it was
sewn on me.
For some reason that I can’t explain, all of
this seems okay. Hold on, let me be honest, I do know why it seems
okay. It all seems okay because I am in love with an idiot. He’s
the same idiot I have been in love with since college, and quite
possibly before that. He’s also wearing a gold lamè thong, an
oxygen tank, and a mask. Logan looks up at me and even through his
oxygen mask his face tells me that everything is going to be all
right. And being the idiot that I am, I believe him.
Logan leans up and holds me, and that’s about
the time I feel the cage suddenly drop and begin to sink into the
water. As we sink I am more caught up in Logan’s arms around me
than I am in the water, well at least until the water completely
covers us. That’s when it sets in that there is no top on this
cage. It’s open to anything that wants to come in here. As I see
the two sharks slowly circle the cage while it descends, my heart
begins to sink as well. That’s when I get the biggest surprise of
all, the kind of surprise that those of us who live by the water
eventually come to expect. You can tell that I’ve been around Logan
a while because like he often does, I am getting ahead of myself.
Let me go back to how Logan and I got into this mess in the first
place. My name is Tom Whitmore, and this is our story.
ONE
So you may
actually be familiar with parts of this tale, or the things that
happened up until now. I’ve heard that there’s an asshole who wrote
down this whole story about me and Logan (and the whole thing about
Logan’s brother Sam too). Perhaps that’s just a rumor, but from
what I’ve heard, it’s not. Anyway, in case you aren’t familiar with
our little adventure, let me catch you up.
I met Logan in middle school. We actually did
a project together once. Of course, he never remembered me after
that. My last name is Whitmore. His is White. So in high school I
sat behind Logan in more classes than I can count. Of course he was
completely oblivious to this and never noticed me, which was kind
of odd because I am usually the tallest person in the room.
Although I imagine that my glasses and buttoned up collars didn’t
really help draw anyone’s attention. Either way, Logan’s blond head
was often buried deep in a novel, especially if we were in a math
or science class.
When I got to college, there was Logan again.
This wasn’t a complete surprise to me. I had seen Logan filling out
an application to Bear Lake University and that was actually why I
applied. I found out that it was his first choice when I overheard
him talking to a guidance counselor. Bear Lake had a great writing
program, and writing was all Logan wanted to do. I was relieved to
find that their pre-med program was strong as well.
Of course when Logan showed up in my college
zoology class, I was excited. I thought that all my years of
longing had finally paid off when he turned and asked me to be his
lab partner. I was sure that he had remembered me and finally
realized just what a great guy I was. Two seconds later, I was
furious when I realized he didn’t even know we had gone to high
school together, not to mention that we had lived in the same
neighborhood since middle school. I just stared at him for a minute
wondering what the hell I had been thinking.
That’s when he won me over. He turned on the
charm like nobody’s business and tried to be the best friend I had
ever seen. It worked. If up until then I had had a huge crush on
him, then after that I fell head over heels for him. This, of
course, was a little awkward, as Logan began to see himself as my
best friend.