Life's not easy when your mum's nuts, your uncle is becoming your aunt, and one of your crushes could -- and probably would -- break your face if he found out how you felt about him. That's Tab's life, though, malevolent gods and all. His text-flirting with Demi, the brother of his best friend, is going nowhere: Demi already has a boyfriend and anyway, who dates their best friend's twin? But then, the pining after Nick is going nowhere either, because Nick probably likes gay-bashing on Friday nights for fun. He's gorgeous, but he's dangerous, and Tab knows better than that. So what's a bit of harmless flirting, when one is taken and the other is straight? It's just a bit of fun. That is until Demi is suddenly single, and Nick is not looking as straight and scary as he was before.

The Suicidal Peanut

“Why?” he asked, blinking. Nick couldn’t know, he decided. The Spirits of Privacy and Decorum had been kind to him and kept Nick in the grasp of the Muse of Ignorance. Nick couldn’t know, because if he did, he would tell Tab to go for the hot one, and then kill him for thinking Nick was hot.


“Because the hot one is never worth it,” Nick shrugged. “Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s great for a quick fling, but if you’re agonising over it, you’re not up for a quick fling, are you?”


“And hot people are either fucking nasty, or fucking thick,” Nick said, and grinned. “And if Ican say someone’s thick, they’re thick.”


“You’re not thick,” Tab protested.


“Yeah I am,” Nick said. “I have like six GCSEs. And the best one is a C.”


“In what?” Tab persisted. “What did you get the C in?”


“German,” Nick said finally, and rolled his eyes. “I hated school.”


“I…can see that,” Tab admitted. “You don’t seem like the type who’d…”


Chapter 34