Patrick Donovan has spent the last three anniversaries of his lover's suicide getting drunk at Josh Stevens' bar. It's at the bar he feels closest to his lover and to the man he has loved since high school, Josh, his dead lover's cousin. The summer after he graduated high school, Patrick spent one hot night with Josh. When it was over, Josh maintained it was a casual one night-stand, breaking Patrick's heart. Troubled by Patrick's annual visits to the bar, Josh encourages Patrick to move on from his grief. After a disastrous near-encounter, Patrick decides maybe he should move on and forget his love for Josh. But Josh changes his mind when Patrick decides to date other men. After nights of scorching sex, Patrick wonders where he stands once more, but Josh pulls back as he did the summer after high school. Josh doesn't want to be a substitute for the man he believes Patrick still loves.

Pieces

When he was back in his car, Patrick searched through his CDs until he found one filled with perky, happy pop music. He slipped it in the disc player and turned up the volume.


The first thing Patrick did when he got home was look up the list of psychiatrists he’d seen right after Andrew’s suicide. In the morning he’d call the one he thought had been the most helpful.


He figured he couldn’t really move forward with his life until he got both Andrew and Josh out of his system.


Feeling better, he made himself a cup of tea and turned on his computer to check his emails and maybe play some mindless computer games. They helped him unwind sometimes. He’d already let his dating service trial period lapse without renewing and he didn’t intend to go there any time soon. Besides, he’d only done it to get Josh’s attention anyway.


After a few minutes of reading his email, Patrick was about to click on a game icon when an instant message popped up.


Chapter 19