Chapter 2

He could still recall the conversation as though it had happened yesterday…

“What does this mean?” she’d asked, thrusting the magazine in his face as he walked in the door after a day at work.

Liam suddenly felt nauseous. He looked around the room for Lucas. He couldn’t have his son overhearing any of this.

“He’s at Joel’s house,” said Helen, noticing her husband’s discomfort. “Now, what about this?” She shook the magazine in front of his face.

Liam couldn’t speak. He thought about making something up, about it belonging to someone else, while at the same time thinking this might be the perfect time to come clean, to get everything out in the open. Perhaps he might be able to get off more lightly if he told her he was bisexual. Shit,I only bought the bloody thing so I wouldn’t have to leave tracks on the internet.”

Tears filled his eyes as the gravity of the situation hit him head on. “I’m sorry,” he said, sniffing back the tears. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Helen flung the magazine at his chest. “Sorry!”

He looked at her, shaking his head. “I never, ever wanted to hurt you.”

At that point, Helen started crying. “Have you done anything with another…?”

Liam shook his head. “No. No. That’s why I bought the magazine. I didn’t want to…” He was going to say “betray you,” although he knew he had. With the magazine. That was a kind of betrayal. Wasn’t it?

“How long have you known?” asked Helen, her tone calmer, though frosty.

Liam shrugged. “A while.”

“How long’s a while?” she screamed, the veins taut in her neck.

Liam shrugged again. “For sure, since I was about seventeen, eighteen.”

Helen moaned. Her tears came thicker and faster. “Fourteen years? Fourteen years! You knew when you asked me to marry you?”

Liam reached for her hands, but she recoiled, putting them behind her back.

“I tried to suppress it,” he explained, sniffing and doing his best to regain control of himself. “I wanted a wife and children. I wanted it so much. I thought I could push down those other feelings. Hide them. I thought maybe they’d go away. I prayedthey’d go away. I just wanted a family to love. I just wanted…”

Helen regarded him through narrow eyes. “You selfish prick!” she said, her voice icy cold. “You absolutely selfish prick. I wanted. I wanted.You never thought about me? Lucas? How your lies would affect us? How this, this…revelation would affect us?”

Liam wanted to lash out at her, as she was lashing out at him. “I hid the magazine so I wouldn’thurt you. You’re going to condemn me for buying one goddamned magazine?”

His anger fed hers. “I’m not condemning you for buying a magazine! I’m condemning you for lying to me. Betraying me. For turning my life upside down. I loved you. I thought I’d found the man of my dreams. Someone to grow old with.”

“We can still do that, can’t we?”

Helen shook her head. “You really are a selfish bastard!”

“What did I say?”

“Do you honestly expect to stay with Lucas and me after this? Expect to play ‘happy families’ while thinking about cock the whole time?”

Liam shook his head, turned, and walked towards the stairs.

“Where are you going?” shouted Helen.

He ignored her and kept walking. In their bedroom, he packed a case, taking everything he’d need for the next few days. By the time he’d finished, Helen was standing in the doorway, her beautiful green eyes red and puffy.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I don’t know. A hotel.”

He picked up his case and brushed past her. On the way to the stairs, he poked his head into Lucas’s room. Clarence, Lucas’s teddy bear, sat propped up against his pillow. He could see the edge of his son’s Star Warssheets. He wouldn’t sleep in anything else, so Helen had bought three sets. On top of the bookcase stood his collection of toy dinosaurs and spaceships. Hot tears poured from Liam’s eyes…

Now, as the sun slipped ever closer to the watery horizon, setting the sky on fire with an amazing palette of colours, Liam remembered how he wondered, as he looked around Lucas’s room, if he’d ever see that room again.

The spectacle of a classic Australian sunset was dying. The light was growing dim and Liam was chilled to the bone. He grabbed his shoes and socks, and stood up. The beach was deserted but for a lone swimmer.

Must be mad,thought Liam, as he started the long walk to the car park.

The swimmer was closer to the shore now, riding the crests of the waves, no doubt to keep them from dragging him under. He was a strong swimmer. Liam had to give him that. But there was no way he could survive out there for long. And how was the poor guy going to make it back to shore? The waves were so big and breaking in such rapid succession, it was going to be a battle to get safely onto the sand.