Growing up is hard enough, but it’s worse as a pacifist whose country is at war. Jim and Brian are neighbors, best friends, and high school graduates heading for college. In 1970 the Vietnam War raged, and Brian and Jim, both pacifists, worry about being drafted. To make matters worse, both men are gay and far from out. When Brian finally admits his feelings for his friend, he’s surprised and pleased Jim feels the same. Brian’s father teaches jujitsu, and the two men learn the ancient art, though neither believes in fighting. They struggle to overcome their pacifist tendencies amid racial tension and homophobia that threatens to tear their lives -- and their love -- apart. Can Brian and Jim turn fear into courage and learn to defend themselves, and each other, to create a life of love?

Fear and Courage

Jim checked the alarm clock, not believing they had taken so long making love. It seemed only moments had passed. They rushed to take a joint shower before hitting the kitchen to make a snack large enough to qualify for a meal.


Later, they sat on the couch in the living room, watching TV. They rested, quiet and content, holding hands. Dad got home, wearing a silly intoxicated grin. He waved, mumbled a “goodnight,” and headed for his room.


When bedtime came, the boys trooped to the basement. While crawling into bed, Jim said, “Brian, I hear your brain working. No, I don’t think anything bad of you. If anything, I’m happy you felt safe to tell me what you wanted. That’s courage.”


“I want you to spank me harder next time, and try using a belt.”


“But there are exceptions to every rule. Dad says life isn’t always black and white.”


“I’m being serious and you’re joking.”


Chapter 58