Quiet and imaginative, Derek O'Reilly spends a lot of time watching a movie in his head. His fiancé Nathan wonders why Derek hasn't taken any interest in their wedding planning, and Aunt Fran -- his spiritual guru -- would like to know when her guilt-tripping nephew became a kept boy. When she drops Derek's childhood journal on his lap, he's forced to remember the name he's been trying to forget since he was twelve years old. Nicolai Lund. Nick was Derek's neighbor ... and first love. Weeks before Derek's engagement party, a chance meeting with Nick catapults Derek into the past. But Nick isn't that seventeen-year-old rebel anymore. He's a man hardened by invisible scars. A man struggling with grief. As Derek reads through his childhood diary, he realizes what Nick was to him, still is today, and yet might be ... NOTE: This edition has been expanded and substantially edited.

Split

I’m not a fast runner, on account of my asthma, you know, but yesterday, I ran so fast, my feet barely touched the ground. I kept thinking of Boone’s blue eyes rolling back into his head, and I wondered if I had just seen my best friend die. What would I do without Boone? What would his parents say? They wouldhate me. Mrs. Lund would never fix me another ham sandwich again, and Johan would point his finger at me. “You killed my best son.”


When I got to the Lunds’ apartment, my knees were shaking.


I thought I was going to have an asthma attack and prayed I wouldn’t. I climbed the front steps to the balcony. “Mrs. Lund?” My voice was shaky. I took a few shy steps into the house. I could see the kitchen. It was empty. I walked in farther. “Mrs. Lund!” This time I yelled.


“What’s up? She isn’t home.” Nick was lying on the couch, but I couldn’t see him, just his huge feet sticking out.


Chapter 8