Chapter 53

“You want to rip it out of me? You want me to say how I feel, fine. My heart’s already broken. It broke the day we moved here and Dean first smiled at me. Sure, I was young, but I already knew I was gay. Even I expected what I felt to fade, but it didn’t. It grew.”

“Sounds like obsession.”

“No.” Jay shook his head. “I’ve asked the same question, but no. I just love him. I love the teenager who mended my bike. I love the young man who sat reading to me once when I was ill, who likes to get dirty and dreams about cars he may never have much time to drive. Who likes books, films, and doughnuts he seldom eats because he knows they’re unhealthy. The man who smiles at fireworks, who always insists on watching a horror film at Halloween, gapes at paintings or closes his eyes when he listens to music. What I don’t understand is how you miss all those things.”