I feel dirty and soiled and what the fuckam I doing here?
Massaging this boy in one hand, playing with myself in the other,
right out in the backyard where anyone can see, anyone at all, and
my lover’s on his way home, this is so damn wrongno matter
how right it feels. Embarrassed, I pull my hand from the tub, my
sleeve wet to my elbow where I reached into the water, and when
Luke kisses my jaw, I turn away. “Jesus,” I mutter—what am I
doinghere? This isn’t me, I’m not this bad, I’m not one to
cheat on someone I love and I love Kent, don’t I? Not this boy I
just met, I can’t throw away two years of my life on a moment of
weakness, I won’t. I love Kent, I do. I do.
I have to.
Without looking at Luke, I tuck myself back
into my boxers, zip up my damp jeans, wipe my hands on my thighs,
both of them, they are equally stained. Luke sits up and frowns at
me as I stand and run a hand through my short hair. I smell sex and