Chapter 21 - Luke

Three months of detention.

But there was also a bright side: they changed Vanessa's schedule so we would be apart. They were afraid I would try and "rape her" again.

Whatever.

They gave Vanessa only a week of detention. After multiple discussions, they concluded that I did try to take advantage of her, but they decided to also give Vanessa a small punishment for not "yelling for help".

I didn't even care anymore.

They told my mother about all of it, but after I had explained my version of the story, she looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "I believe you. I can always tell when you're lying," she said, smirking. "You're not."

But besides the fact that I had detention, the thing that worried me the most was Alexia. I wanted to tell her so badly, but I was worried she would take it the wrong way.

At about seven in the afternoon, Alexia texted me.

Hey

How was the first day of school?

Fun?

I texted her back.

It was boring as usual.

Nothing happened.

I know I lied. But as I said before, I didn't know how she would take it. I was afraid it would ruin my relationship with her. So I decided to keep quiet.

And I still had to bring her some soup. I so the next day after school I walked into a restaurant, ordered a soup to-go, and went to see Alexia.

I rang the doorbell, but no one answered. I figured that Agatha had gone to do an errand, and Alexia was probably in bed.

I knocked on the door and said, "Alexia! It's me, Luke!"

After a few seconds, I heard some steps coming closer from inside the house.

"Go away!"

That was definitely Alexia's voice. But why was she shooing me away?

"Alexia, what are you talking about?" I asked calmly.

I heard a sniffle, then she yelled again, "Go away!"

Was she crying?

"Alexia, why are you crying? Let me in, c'mon."

Suddenly the door opened. Alexia was cute as always, but her face was ruined by the tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"What's wrong?! You!" she screamed in my face, "I can't believe you would do something like that to me!"

Then it dawned on me. Did she know about Vanessa and me?

Of course, she does, I told myself, otherwise, she wouldn't be yelling at you.

Alexia was still screaming, "And of all people, you go and choose the one person that I hate the most. Vanessa fucking Wild! How can you be so… so… despicable!" she paused. "You know… I really did love you, but you just showed me that I can never trust you again."

"Alexia I can explain!" I said, but she had already shut the door in my face.

I didn't care. I slammed the door open and ran after Alexia. I took her arm, forcing her to listen to me.

"Alexia it's not what you think it is," I tried to explain.

But she was mad. I could see it in those beautiful eyes. "Let me go, you asshole!"

I let go of her wrist, but I kept trying to talk to her. "Vanessa is playing some game! She tried to kiss me, and after everyone had seen us, she blamed it on me!"

"I don't care!" she exclaimed. "You kissed her and then didn't tell me. That's what hurt the most. I thought we could trust each other! You lied to me! If you had told me, I could've understood. I know Vanessa's a bitch, and I would've believed you if you told me that she kissed you first. But after you didn't say anything…"

I nodded. "Alexia, please-"

"No!" she yelled. "You didn't tell me because you didn't have any faith in me. You still don't have any faith in me. That's what's making me do this. We're done."

She pushed me out on the street and slammed the door in my face.

I stood there, dumbfounded. I couldn't believe this had just happened.

The girl I loved just broke up with me. Just because I did a stupid mistake and couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend.

I had ruined everything. No, Vanessa had ruined everything.

No, that's not true either.

Vanessa started all of it, but I had to take responsibility for my mistakes. I was the one that was too scared to tell Alexia. So the fault was mine.

After what seemed like hours standing in front of Alexia's front door, I walked away.

I didn't even think about where I was going, but after a while, I found myself at my apartment. I opened the door, then walked to the kitchen and emptied the now cold soup in the sink. I went into my room and slumped on the bed. And I won't deny what I did next: I cried.

I had found the perfect woman, and I threw it all away because of a stupid, unnecessary lie. I felt horrible, and I didn't feel any better after having shed all the water I had in my system.

Suddenly, a wave of anger surged inside me. But I wasn't angry at Alexia or Vanessa. I was angry with myself. I was so filled with rage that I slammed my fist against the wall, and small cracks spread across the cement. I screamed as much as I could, but the pain in my stomach didn't subside.

Defeated, I sat on my bed, covering my face with my hands. When I raised my head, I spotted a picture of Alexia on my desk. It was her playing in the snow: she was smiling, her hair was frozen from the cold and her face was red. But she was beautiful.

I walked over to my desk and sat down. I took out a pen and a sheet of paper and started to write.

I know it's lame, but writing helps me a lot. I can express myself on paper better. I can talk about my feeling without anyone making fun of me. I can scribble down my deep dark secrets without worrying about anyone finding them (I have a secret compartment under my closet. Don't tell anyone).

I wrote down my feeling I have for Alexia, and how I screwed everything up. I wrote about how I wished that none of it had happened. I wrote about my messed up life and how I wished I wasn't born.

In the meantime, my mother had arrived from work, and thankfully didn't come to my room and see the condition I was in. She had probably heard my screams, but she knows me too well: I just have to cool off, no matter what happened.

After about two hours, my mother quietly knocked on my bedroom door.

"Come in," I said.

"Hey, honey," she said. "I heard you. What happened? Are you still mad for what happened with that girl?"

"No, it's not that," I mumbled.

She paused. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I don't think I could explain without crying like a baby."

She smiled, but didn't say anything for a while.

"So. When will I be able to see Alexia again? She's fun."

Just by mentioning her, my eyes started to water. I looked at my mother, sniffling.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry," she said. She came closer and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and we just stood there, embracing each other in silence.