33

After eating lunch with my mother, I get a small bag ready and leave my house. It only takes me fifteen minutes on foot to get to Tom's house, but while I walk I already feel anxious. It's been almost a month after our breakup, but I don't know what to expect.

I doubt he'll be in a relationship: at school he usually spends his time with his friends. Unless he's dating someone out of school – which I don't want to believe – he's probably still single.

But if he's still single, maybe I should mention that I'm with someone. It'll make him jealous and maybe he'll rethink about dumping me. Yes, I'm still a little pissed about that.

And I also may still have feelings for him. Can you blame me? He's freaking perfect.

Anyway, I walk to his house. I'm about to turn the corner – the one right before his house – when I hear a laugh and I stop dead in my tracks. That laugh was definitely female, and it definitely came from Tom's house. I peek behind the corner and see two people: Tom and a girl. Her back is facing me, so her identity is still unknown to me. I step back and think.

Is that Tom's new girlfriend? Or just a friend? Are they in love? Or is it just a simple crush?

An unplanned battle starts raging in my mind:

Go and face them, a part of me says.

No! Turn back! the other complains.

I stand there a few minutes thinking of what to do when I make up my mind. Whoever this girl is, I'll have to meet her eventually, right? If they're a couple, I'll get to see both of them around and Tom will have no choice but to introduce her. So what's the problem if I meet her now?

With a surge of courage, I turn the corner and approach them. Tom is looking at the girl, but his eyes suddenly travel up to meet mine. His smiling face turns to panic. The girl must've seen his reaction too because she turns around to look at me, and I almost faint.

"Karen?!"

I stare at my best friend in shock, trying to take it all in. Tom is standing completely still, and I can see that he's trying to figure out what to do.

We're all looking at each other, waiting. Finally, I unfreeze and walk toward Tom, ignoring Karen completely. I can see Tom's eyes widen, and I'm pretty sure he's afraid I'll hurt him. Instead, I just hand him the book without a word.

Then I turn around and walk away. As I turn the corner I hear Karen calling my name. "Emma! Wait, please!"

I pretend I don't hear her and keep walking.

I can't believe that just happened. Tom and Karen? Seriously? And then I think about the last few days. The text at Suzy's party was for Tom. And Karen didn't have a doctor's appointment: it was an excuse. She was actually planning to visit her boyfriend.

Oh, god. I think I'm going to be sick.

For the third time in just a few weeks, when I arrive home I lock myself in my room and cry. Unlike the other times though, the sadness quickly turns to anger. Karen has been lying to me this whole time. I thought she'd been helping me by encouraging me and by getting over Tom, but she's just been using me to get her way. If I was over Tom, she could seduce him.

But why? Karen has never shown any interest in Tom. And if she did… why didn't she ever say anything?

I have to talk to her, but how would I start the conversation? After all, she is dating my ex. My ex whom I'm still in love with.

After a while, I make a decision: I'll hear her out. People have often told me that I tend to hold in my feelings, and I think this is one of the times that I should talk.

I pick up my phone from the desk and tap the Whatsapp icon. Karen has written me over ten messages, but I'd ignored them all. I read them now:

Emma

Emma please

I'm sorry

Emma I can explain

Please let's talk

Emma

Emma

EMMA

Emma I'm begging you

I want to explain everything

I'll tell you everything, just please answer me

I type.

Let's meet tomorrow. How about ten at the coffee shop near school?

She writes back immediately.

Perfect. then, Thank you

I don't answer. Instead, I grab a sheet of paper and I pen before I start scribbling down my thoughts.

I wrote down all the things I should say or ask Karen. I find it very helpful otherwise I might start swearing non-stop.

As I walk down the road, I can already see Karen sitting at our usual table. She's looking at her phone, and her left hand is tapping uncontrollably on the table.

"Hi," I greet her and I pull back my chair to sit down.

"Hi, Emma," she says. "Before we talk, do you want something? It's on me."

"Oh, thank you," I say. "I'll have a latte, please."

"Be right back," Karen assures before heading towards the bar. While I wait I pull out my notes and give a quick read, trying to see if I remember everything.

Only five minutes later Karen arrives with two hot cups of coffee. She hands me my latte and sits down in front of me.

"I'm so sorry," Karen suddenly blurts out. "I did not want you to find out that way. If I could just explain–"

"Karen, it's okay," I interrupt her. "I mean, he's not my boyfriend anymore, so you didn't break any rules."

Karen seems to calm down a little, but before she can answer I continue speaking. "It did hurt a little though."

Karen stiffens again. "Sorry."

"I mean, sure, he's not my boyfriend. But my ex? Seriously?" I say. "Plus, you lied to me. You said you had a doctor's appointment."

"I know!" she exclaims. "I know. I was scared, okay? I didn't want to hurt you, and we thought it would be better if it was a secret…"

"So, it's real?" I ask. "You're dating?"

"Wait, you didn't know?" Karen asks.

"No! I just saw you two at Tom's house. I was pretty sure you were, but I haven't had it confirmed." I explain.

"Oh. Well then, yes. Tom and I are dating," Karen says, and I can't help but look down at my coffee. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," I say with a chuckle.

"Sorry," Karen says, then realizes her mistake. "I mean… okay."

I chuckle. "So, how did it happen?"

"You want to know how Tom and I got together? Are you sure you're ready for this?" Karen asks.

"Yes. I mean, I'm not sure, but I think it'll help me. It will be a clear sign that Tom is unavailable. Tell me everything."

And I brace myself.