34

"It started right after you two broke up. Tom approached me and asked me to meet if we could go somewhere private. So, we came here."

"You mean this coffee shop?" I ask.

"I mean this table," Karen answers. "But yes. Anyway, he told me everything. The fight, the breakup… you should have seen him. He was such a wreck I was afraid he would burst out in tears.

"After that day we stayed in touch. He often called me in the middle of the night saying he had done a horrible mistake and that he shouldn't have broken up with you. Once he was even crying on the phone. Emma, I'm serious. Those first few days, he was a total mess.

"Fortunately, next week was better. He went to school like normal, even though he would text me sometimes, begging me to meet him behind the school or in a bathroom. He usually just wanted to talk about how he missed you, but after a while the conversation was different. Instead of talking about you, we would talk about each other: about each other's interests or hobbies.

"I swear I had no intention of him being my boyfriend, but one day I realized that I had a crush on him. For the next few days, I refused to speak to him and I tried to avoid him at all costs. But the feelings just grew stronger.

"In the end, I couldn't resist anymore. I asked him if we could meet, and he agreed immediately. He invited me to his house, and things got a little out of control…"

"You slept with him?" I ask, suddenly filled with anger.

"No! No, of course not," Karen says, and I calm down. "But we did kiss. But as soon as our lips touched Tom pulled away and asked me to leave.

"Emma, the point is that we were both feeling really guilty of fooling around behind your back, but know that it was never our intention. He was in a delicate place, and I guess he fixated on the one person that was there to help him."

After a long pause, I ask, "Do you love him?"

"No," Karen says. "We've been officially girlfriend and boyfriend for barely a week, so I'm not there yet, I promise."

"Okay," I say, "Don't worry about me. I'll be able to handle it."

"Handle what?"

"You two in a couple. I don't want you to hide your relationship anymore," I say. "I'd feel guilty."

Karen sighs. "Thanks, Emma. You're a really good friend."

"I know," I say, and Karen chuckles.

"So, are we good?" she asks. "Are we friends again?"

"Always," I say, and I hope Karen understands the reference.

"Aw, you know I'm a Harry Potter fan," she says, and I know I have my friend back.

I see Tom as I get off the bus, and I'm still a little disappointed to see that he ignores me and fixates on Karen. Nevertheless, I smile and approach him.

"Hi, Tom," I say.

"Hey, Emma," it's clear that he's really uncomfortable, but I do nothing to help.

"Hey, babe," Karen says before hugging her boyfriend. I'm grateful she didn't kiss him, because I could have literally exploded.

"Hey, Karen, Emma's best friend and nothing more significant to me," Tom says. Karen and I look at each other and burst out laughing. Tom is left staring at us in confusion.

"Emma knows," Karen explains. "And she said it's okay."

"Wow, really?" Tom asks as he turns to me.

"Yes," I say. "I don't want you to hide your relationship for my sake. Just please don't make out in front of me."

"Wish granted," Tom says before hooking his arm around Karen's neck and guiding her in the right direction. I walk behind them, but my feelings are raging. I'm not sure I can handle this. I close my eyes to concentrate, but I realize that I need my eyes to see, so I open them again. Tom and Karen are staring at each other foolishly, and I snap.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I say suddenly. "I'll meet you in class."

I walk away quickly and wipe my eyes. I try to convince myself that my eyes are itching, and not that tears are about to fall.

I find an empty toilet and lock myself in. I close the lid of the seat and sit, covering my face with my hands. I take a few deep breaths and think of a happy place. Unfortunately, that happy place is the library with Tom, so I try to change it.

From now on, my happy place is reading in my bedroom with music on, I tell myself.

I finally calm down, and I force myself to think.

You can't do anything, Emma, I say to myself. You gave them permission to be public, now you have to deal with it. Just focus on something else, you'll be fine.

And I do exactly that. I force myself to dedicate my complete attention to the professor speaking and taking notes. The good news is that Tom and Karen are completely out of my mind. The bad news is that pre-calculus is boring.

Lunch is the worst. Sarah, Suzy and I have to eat at our usual table while Tom and Karen decide to go out for kebabs.

"Where's Karen?" Suzy asks.

"With Tom," I say nonchalantly.

"Why?" Sarah asks.

I stop eating. "Wait, you don't know?" They don't know? I guess that all the things going on I thought everyone was aware of Tom and Karen's new status.

"Well…" I pause for dramatic effect. "Tom and Karen are dating."

Suzy stays silent, but her mouth is hanging open. Sarah, on the other hand, "WHAAAAAAAT?" she yells as she stands up, making everyone turn around. "WHEN?"

"Sarah, jeez. Calm down," Suzy urges.

"Sorry, sorry," she apologizes as she sits back down. "When did this happen?"

"I found out just yesterday, but apparently it had been going on for a while," I explain. "They were hiding the relationship for my sake."

"Oh, that must've hurt," Suzy comments. "I'm sorry. How'd you take it?"

"I was hurt at first. Obviously," I add. "But then I realized that I couldn't really say anything. Tom and I aren't a couple anymore and I couldn't force them to break up."

"So you told them they could date openly?" Sarah asks.

"Well… yeah," I answer.

"Are you crazy?!" Sarah exclaims, and Suzy immediately shushes her.

"Sarah, shut it," Suzy orders. "What I think Sarah wanted to say is that dating your ex is a rule you can't break. It's wrong and just… weird. It's like dating your ex-husband brother."

"Ew," Sarah says.

"Exactly my point," Suzy continues. "You should have banned them from dating! Tom is your ex, Emma. And Karen is your best friend. You can't say that it's not wrong!"

I open my mouth to answer, but Suzy keeps talking. "But here's the big question: do you still like Tom? Because if you do, and you let them date… then I will use Sarah's expression: are you crazy?"

"Uh…" I say.

"Emma," Sarah says and stares into my eyes. "Do you still like Tom?"

I raise my shoulders. "Maybe?"

Suzy sighs heavily and shakes her head, while Sarah closes her hands into tight fists and looks at the ceiling, "Have pity, Lord! She's still fragile!"

"Emma!" Suzy snaps. "Why the hell would you let Tom and Karen date if you liked one of them?"

"I just… let them do… what they wanted to do," I stutter. "I was trying to be polite."

"Screw being polite!" Sarah exclaims. "You know what being polite did to me? Not one, but two guys tried to take advantage of me. That was me being nice. I couldn't say no to the professor, and I couldn't say no to Liam," she points her finger at me. "Learn to say no."

"You're right," I confess. "But what can I do now? I already told them they could date! I can't just go there and say, Sorry, I changed my mind."

"No, but you can try to break them up," Suzy suggests, but I turn it down immediately.

"No! C'mon guys, haven't you seen literally any high school movie?" I ask.

"Okay. So if you're not breaking them up, maybe you should tell Tom how you feel," Sarah suggests.

"That sounds scary, but I think I'll go with that," I say. "And I think I have the perfect way to do it."